Spring Fever
by galaxian gal
Summary: Azula Shinohai's famous family is in the midst of civil war. Despite that fact, she is hellbent on marrying her high school sweetheart, no matter how much madness and melodrama ensues when her ruthless relatives turn her wedding into a battlefield. — Azula x Ty Lee. Modern AU. Main Story of the Dynasty Universe.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: **Some Quick Facts About This Fic:  
Prequel/Sequel: **This is a prequel/sequel to _Midwinter Madness_ but stands alone.  
 **Chapters:** 48, broken into three books.  
 **Pairing(s):** Azula x Ty Lee. Also: MaixOzai, ZukoxKatara, UrsaxIroh, AzulonxIlah, TophxAang and many high school flings.  
 **Rated:** T for strong suggestive themes, drugs and alcohol, moderate language and mature humor.  
 **Notes:** This fic consists of two stories, both the prequel ( _The Rite of Spring_ ) and the sequel ( _Springtime in the Rockies)_ told in parallel. Each gets half of the chapter and I try to make sure the stories relate and interlink.  
This fic desperately needs editing for grammar and some hasty mistakes I've made throughout the chapters. It's on my list to do a full clean-up and final draft of the story, but, for now, the fic is legible and I hope fun to read but I'm working on fixing any errors. Please don't hesitate to point anything out that I should put on the list of the editing. :D

* * *

 **SPRING FEVER**

 _"Bleeding ulcers run in my family: We give them to each other."  
-Lois McMaster Bujold-_

* * *

 **Prologue:** Queen of the Girl Scouts

* * *

Ty Lee never is lying when she says she fell in love with Azula the moment she met her.

She did not know it at the time, of course. That is not the type of thing that ever occurred to a boy crazy eight-year-old with a missing front tooth. Yet, when Ty Lee looks back on those days, at the old photographs or the silly reminders, she does realize how something in her core knew.

They were, are and always will be soulmates.

Azula rolls her eyes whenever Ty Lee poses that theory and tells her that soulmates are as real as reiki, chi and auras. Ty Lee is fairly certain that those things are all real and that Azula is just blind to them.

That moment Ty Lee so fondly remembers happened at Girl Scouts.

They were Juniors, fresh into fourth grade, and a new girl had moved into town. It was really exciting when Ty Lee saw that she lived in the same gated neighborhood, and Ty Lee spied on her for the entire day – but she never got a chance to ask her to be friends. The girl was going to Diamonte High, private school, and Ty Lee was going to the quite nice public school in her district, so it did not seem likely they would see each other very much.

But there she was, being nudged into the meeting by her mother. Her mom looked nice, she looked really pretty and Ty Lee was thrilled to see her.

"Hi," Ty Lee instantly said, skipping over to the girl who had finally relented to her mother's attempts to force her through the door. Azula stared. "I'm Ty Lee and you live next door! Next door to me I mean!"

"I know. I saw you watching me from your yard," Azula said in a cold tone that made her sound like a grown-up. Ty Lee wasn't used to that and had never heard another kid talk like it. "I didn't think it was too creepy. I'm used to people staring at me."

Ty Lee smiled. "You've got confidence!"

Azula's golden eyes glinted with an excitement a young Ty Lee didn't understand.

"You really think so?" she said. "How nice of you. If you were playing pretend superheroes, would you want to be the sidekick or the hero?"

Ty Lee _hmms_ with her big Bambi eyes squinted. "Sidekick!"

"Sit next to me," orders Azula.

It is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

* * *

 **THE RITE OF SPRING**

 _The prettiest in crowd that you had ever seen  
Ribbons in our hair and our eyes gleamed mean  
A freshmen generation of degenerate beauty queens  
And you know something?  
They were the only friends I ever had  
"This is What Makes Us Girls" – Lana Del Rey_

* * *

 **Chapter One:** Blue Crush

* * *

On the last day of winter break before Azula and Ty Lee return to the sophomore year, they play Mortal Kombat in Azula's closet. It is not for _clothes_ ; it is where she conceals her entertainment system that feels like a meticulously organized movie theatre. It, by her father's demand, hides in her huge closet so she can close the doors and no one will know she even looks at televisions.

He would rather people see the gigantic trophy case. She has won national debates. Taken every crown in her line of sight in pageants. The volleyball ones are hidden in the back since she quit after getting… a little too competitive. The property damage was unpleasant Her real talents, however, are the odd combination of ballet and martial arts. They both, to her, feel the same, even if to the untrained eye they seem mismatched. She flies in both of them, she is perfect at both of them, she steals lead roles and wins championships.

Azula hates every single trophy in that case, because the more she gets, the more she craves. The more competitions she conquers, the more she sees that need conquering. It is an obsession with victory that makes most people cringe and bitch about her greed. They are all just jealous.

"Why did you kill me again? Let me win just once!" Ty Lee screams, interrupting Azula's wandering thoughts of her disdain. She quiets her voice, clears her throat, and softly adds, "Please."

"I wasn't even _trying_. You're pathetic at this," Azula says smugly and Ty Lee knocks the controller out of her hand. "It is _much_ better to actually fight like that."

"Rip people's spines out?" Ty Lee asks innocently.

"I _wish_ ," Azula says dreamily and Ty Lee giggles her too-pretty giggle. "I will have to settle for watching them cry hysterically when I win."

Ty Lee presses the start button on her controller as hard as she can and selects her same character yet again. Azula chooses hers and, with a small smirk, allows the next round to begin. She does not let Ty Lee win, after five seconds considering whether she should or not.

She snaps her nail as the game announces her victory, curses, stands up and goes to find her nail glue. Ty Lee hastily turns off the SNES and the television, clicking the closet doors shut behind her with the hope of not facing that game ever again for as long as she lives.

Uninvited, she enters Azula's glamorous, spotless bathroom that she does not have to share with six other equally-appearance-obsessed teenage girls. Ty Lee is pretty stunned by how well her best friend can glue a nail back on, just like she is about Azula's handwriting and eyeliner and other infinite precision.

"Is your nail okay?" Ty Lee chimes.

"I've taken care of it. Of course it is okay," Azula replies, screwing on the small cap of the glue. "How's your wimpy boyfriend?"

"He's not wimpy. He plays football," Ty Lee protests fiercely and Azula scoffs.

"That does not make him less wimpy. He's not your type. You like dangerous, powerful, sexy people who'll one moment be punching some guy hitting on you and the next moment be buying flowers," Azula purrs and Ty Lee hates to admit how much that idea turns her on.

"You know me so well!" Ty Lee says brightly, hugging Azula tightly for a few breathless seconds. "What else do you wanna do?"

"I'm bored and don't want to waste my energy planning something else. Make me an offer," Azula says, pressing on her nail one more time before striding out of the bathroom.

Ty Lee cannot handle that much pressure, but she suggests, "We could go out of the city to the desert or something."

"And who will drive us?" Azula rolls her eyes.

"We could go shopping." Ty Lee grins at her own suggestion.

Azula would rather die than go shopping with Ty Lee alone. Mai acts as a fantastic buffer during trips to the mall, and Mai has been forced to go to ski camp in Oregon.

"That sounds like torture. I don't have the patience for you finding it more difficult to decide which pair of shoes to buy than a mother choosing which kid to rescue from a deadly fire," Azula says loftily and Ty Lee shrugs.

"This is our _only_ time together," Ty Lee says, sitting down on Azula's pristine cerulean sheets. They are hand embroidered with a dragon pattern, which Ty Lee thinks has something to do with organized crime, but she's not gonna ask. Ozai scares her. "You have to go back to beating people up and _liking_ public speaking for some reason and I have to go back to cheerleading and … I guess we have dance together."

"We do," Azula says as she stares out of her window at the neatly trimmed tree outside. It scrapes against the roof. "You know that you could come support me instead of waving your pom-poms so some boy can go to college for free, don't you?"

Ty Lee begins listing, "I went to karate with you one time, remember? And then we got snacks and you didn't know what an ice cream bar was—"

"I knew what an ice cream bar was. I just didn't know any of the brands or how to eat one."

" _Haru_ plays football. Why can't I support _him_?" Ty Lee whines while batting her eyelashes.

Azula cannot believe she is hearing about Haru's _football playing_ yet again. "Mmm, he doesn't even have an important position on the team. You could do better."

"Thank you," Ty Lee says and Azula smirks at how easy it is to insult her through veiled flattery. It goes right over her head.

"Come out on the roof with me," Azula orders, unlocking her window and pushing it open. She slips over the sill with ease and stares at Ty Lee until her friend caves in and nimbly follows her.

"Are you gonna push me off?"

"No. Why would I push you off a roof? Who does that?"

"You do."

"I _don't_ ," Azula hisses, although she knows very well what incident Ty Lee has just suggested.

Ty Lee giggles and says, "You pushed Sam Hardy off a roof the summer after seventh grade."

"He tried to kiss me." A rock solid defense.

"He had to go to the _hospital_." Ty Lee cannot help but laugh and feel like an awful person for it.

Azula laughs. "I know. His teeth came out like bloody chiclets."

Ty Lee pinches the bridge of her nose and tries her best not to laugh. But she cannot hold back, no matter how hard she tries.

"That's why you don't have a boyfriend," Ty Lee says.

"Because I broke a boy's jaw when I was twelve?"

"Because you're _scary_ and stuff. You're so insanely extremely beautiful but you seem really…" _unearthly, perfect, intimidatingly stunning_. Ty Lee would use that word if she could sort it out and get it out of her lips.

"Who's in your backyard?" Azula asks, gazing over her shoulder at Ty Lee's pool.

Ty Lee turns bright red and her heart skips a beat. "My mom sunbathing, stop looking!"

Azula cackles and looks across the street at Mai's house. Ty Lee lived here when Azula moved; Mai moved once Azula lived here. _She_ is out with Azula's brother at present. Ick.

"My mom invited me to stay with her for Christmas," Azula says, rolling her eyes. "I can't believe she even _tried_."

"Yup, yup, yup," Ty Lee awkwardly agrees. "She's so annoying. Uhh… are you ready for the Class President Election thing?"

"Of course. Ask me any question; my father has been surprising me with them for weeks."

"Uhm… why do you wear a cardigan when we're not at school?"

"That's too easy. But, I'll humor you. Cardigans are the superior form of clothing, deities amongst sweaters. They are as versatile as Meryl Streep, as beautiful as Audrey Hepburn, as classy as Emma Watson and as timeless as Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. There is a style for everyone, for every season, for every mood and for every occasion. Why _wouldn't_ you always wear a cardigan?"

Ty Lee is silent for a few moments. "I wanna buy a cardigan now," she whispers.

Azula's thin cardigan lights up and vibrates. A text, presumably from her father.

Azula pulls out the two rectangular lumps from her cardigan pocket.

The phone is because she is two minutes late to call Ozai, and the pack of secret cigarettes are so she can cope with the fact that she is calling her dad for the third check-in today.

In the silence, Ty Lee stares at her lips until Azula hangs up and their eyes meet again.

She wishes she could kiss her, if it weren't for burning objects in her mouth and the likelihood Ty Lee would regret it forever.

Unrequited love is colder than winter and more tantalizing than spring.

[X]

Ty Lee thinks that the best description of Azula dancing ever written is ' _a nimble, graceful superhuman alien sent from Planet Prodigy to make us mere mortals feel pathetically clumsy'._ When she pirouettes she looks like she is a swirling flame. When she moves she has this controlled power in every movement that is the opposite of dainty but breathtakingly smooth and soft. She is the most beautiful thing Ty Lee has ever seen in her whole life.

For a long while, Ty Lee wanted to be her. But as of the past autumn and winter, she has realized that she wants to _make out with her_.

She is watching with Mai as Azula rehearses for _The Rite of Spring_. Lead role, as usual. Ty Lee is high up there and they're a duo to die for, so she never has been envious. Mai hates dancing and is only here because the only other option was being at her dad's office or the school.

Mai would have more fun watching paint dry.

Ty Lee finds it difficult to watch Azula pirouette into the arms of _Hahn_ and not feel seething jealousy. Their dance is too sensual, too sexual, too important. Ty Lee never gets jealous! Ty Lee is pretty, popular and talented and loves all people so she doesn't want to hurt them. But she wants to shove Hahn away every time Azula goes near him.

And, honestly, that's pretty scary.

"You look at her boobs a lot," Mai says _just_ as Ty Lee thinks of that.

"If I hated anybody I would hate you," Ty Lee hisses at her as she makes a tear in her stupid skirt for _The Rite of Spring._ "And she just has perfect ones that I'm jealous of. They're very perk- _perfect_ just like her."

"I think you're protesting too much," Mai says and Ty Lee sighs huffily.

"I was like _ten_ when I told you about that crush. It's been like _five years_ and I'm over her with Haru," Ty Lee says, smiling at Mai. It looks dangerous and Mai does not care enough to get involved.

Ty Lee can crush on the girl next door.

It isn't like she's going to marry her and have a kid.

* * *

 **SPRINGTIME IN THE ROCKIES**

 _"Weddings are never about the bride and groom; weddings are public platforms for dysfunctional families."  
-Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil-_

* * *

 **Chapter One:** They Cut Off Their Own Fingers

* * *

"No, she's not mine," Azula protests to the nosy flight attend she will fire when she gets home. Yes, she, a fearsome _Time's_ Woman of the Year, is helping a little girl read a picture book on a pink-cased iPad. But that does _not_ make her a mom. "And, no, we're not married."

She sits on the plane home from Montana, and could not be more relieved. The questions about her engagement were ceaseless, and the fact that Ilah made Ty Lee propose five times so she could get the best picture was potentially worse.

Bunny has been babbling about how much she loves flying since they arrived at the Bozeman Airport, and Azula _finally_ got her to quiet down.

"I wanna go to a _diner_ when we get home," Ty Lee breathes longingly. "I would literally murder someone for diner toast. How do they make that stuff? _How_?"

"They make it in a pan instead of a toaster," Azula replies, as she taps on _Go the Fuck to Sleep_ narrative by Samuel L. Jackson and plugs the headphones into Bunny's ears. "It isn't rocket science."

"Hm." Ty Lee pensively gazes out of the window for a moment. "You could teach me how."

"You'll burn down your apartment." Azula smirks.

"Yeah…"

"Although, that would be the best way to clean it."

Ty Lee rolls her eyes. "You're probably right."

She lies back, closes her eyes and waits to arrive back in the filthy snow.

[X]

Despite the red-eye, Azula goes to the office the next morning and escorts Bunny to daycare. Ty Lee, having a job not requiring glitter lotion now, is forced to come with her. It is a beautiful, shimmery, towering building with the huge logo of Sozin Industries. And Ty Lee is asleep at the front desk of the top floor.

Sweet, sweet sleep.

Until a stack of files smashes down on the desk with the loud vivacity of a cannon firing.

"Stop sleeping at your desk. I'll get accused of nepotism," Azula snaps, not that anyone would dare to do that.

"You're mean," Ty Lee murmurs, wiping drool off of her lips. "Is the day over yet?"

"My father is on the phone and Lilah is stalling him. Why can't you do your job? It's so easy." Azula looks _livid_. It is her standard _my-father-is-on-the-phone_ look, and Ty Lee hates seeing it.

Defeated already, Ty Lee stands up. "What do I do?"

"Relieve Lilah of her duties. I'm going to a non-vital meeting."

"Woah-wait, _non-vital_."

Azula orders as she walks away, "In my office. My father. Stall him until he loses his patience, yells at you and hangs up."

"What?" Ty Lee asks, but Azula has already escaped.

Ty Lee shuffles into Azula's office. She had her desk ever-so-slightly raised from the floor so it would give the illusion of everyone else being much smaller than her. It is a very good example of how Azula runs things.

Fear is the best way to control people, is her secret motto.

'Thank you' mouths Lilah as she pushes the phone into Ty Lee's hand.

Ty Lee makes a small sleepy sound, because her brain stops working.

"Are you someone more competent than that last girl?"

"Mmm," and Ty Lee panics and responds in the Mississippi accent of her mother, "Yes. I am much more competent than that other girl."

"Good. Who are you, where were you born, what is your exact title and where is my daughter?"

"I'm… S-Susan and was born in a place and I forget the other two questions."

[X]

Azula returns to a sweaty fiancée on the verge of tears.

"You monster!" Ty Lee shouts, and no one can hear her, because it is already after hours and only the lights of the city illuminate Ty Lee. Sitting on Azula's desk, she almost looks scary. "He said something about sending people over to your apartment."

Azula freezes. "Lilah did not inform me of that. I can't trust her. You made a good impression, right?"

"I lied and talked in a Southern accent and told him about my childhood, which I based on _Sixteen and Pregnant_ and told him my name was Susan," Ty Lee whispers, averting her eyes like a guilty puppy.

"Well, I hope it was an Academy Award winning performance. I will call him back now and hope he didn't recognize your voice," Azula says, going to her most called number and touching it. He answers after one ring. "Hello, father."

 _"This took you long enough."_

"I had urgent matters to attend to," Azula purrs so _confidently_. Ty Lee envies and loves it. "Susan tells me that there are people likely waiting for me in my home?"

Ty Lee kisses her on the neck because she genuinely thought Azula would sell her out to Ozai as misdirection.

Azula tries not to make a sound. She can handle this; she can be completely serious on her important phone call to her _father_ while her personal assistant is kissing her neck.

 _"I've sent two family friends over."_

"We don't have any family fri—oh good God, father. I've just gotten home; I don't have the time for an appointment with the League of Assassins."

 _"What's the League of Assassins? Do they have that in New York?"_

"They're from _Batman_ ," Azula says in a voice that makes Ty Lee stop kissing her. "You are investigating my fiancée because you're uncomfortable with her."

 _"You two have been dating for a few months."_

"We've been hot and cold since middle school. You dated Mai for three months before you eloped."

 _"I don't appreciate that tone."_

"I don't appreciate you sending your goons over to my girlfriend's house."

 _"Not goons. Lovely people who will take you two out to dinner."_

Azula clears her throat and inquires, "What are their professions?"

 _"A bounty hunter and weapons dealer. I didn't discuss my issues with you two because your grandfather seems to approve for some reason. I have business at home or I would have shown up myself."_

"I know you have a right to check on your investment. I simply would've liked the warning."

 _"And give you time to prepare?"_

"Goodbye, father. I have a very important client on the other line."

 _"No, you don't. It's past ten."_

She hangs up anyway. Azula feels she will regret that, but at the time, she does not care.

"We have to go escort some of my father's friends to dinner so they can _examine_ us for him. Get Bunny a sitter and give me back my cardigan."

[X]

An hour later, "Why are you so nervous?" Azula demands as they walk into the elevator of her building. "They're some tattooed, glorified drug dealers with table manners. If they have a problem with you, I will have a problem with them. And you have seen what happens when I have a problem with others."

"They cut off their _own_ fingers," Ty Lee whispers nervously with wide eyes. Rising to each floor makes her heartbeat race.

"You will live," Azula states crisply and before Ty Lee can protest profusely, _ding_ , the elevator chimes.

Ty Lee walks forward, holding onto Azula's waist. Then she thinks that might be too sexual, so she moves to her girlfriend's hand. Of course, her palms are too sweaty to get a decent grip.

A male voice says from inside Azula's apartment, "Did you know that sweaty palms are an evolutionary response to fear so when it dries you can hold onto weapons better."

"Or windowsills," adds a female voice from the same directions. "What? People cling onto those better than they should be able to."

Ty Lee gives Azula a pleading glance, but her fiancée has already walked into the living room and found two people making themselves at home on _her_ sofa.

"We made coffee," says the woman.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:** Blue Crush

* * *

Azula is not thrilled to go back to school, but she does not mind it either.

She wakes up when it is still dark out, changes into workout clothes and makes herself look presentable. After that, she walks down the stairs, goes outside and starts her run. The neighborhood is an easy circuit; it does not take as much planning as a park. But it is somehow a colder plunge than when she does winter laps in their pool.

It hasn't been seventy degrees in _two weeks_. And people say her family is causing global _warming_.

Her beat up white Prada sneakers thud against the pavement as she runs faster, faster, faster. The world disappears until the sun rises and she goes inside to quickly finish the workout with strength training that manages to make her ache even after all of her practice.

The morning routine is robotic. She spends a little too much time on her appearance, but Ty Lee wakes up this early to do her perfect braid wrapped with ribbons, and Azula spends the time training herself for… everything.

And the next step is to cross the street and wake up Mai so that they are not late. Because Azula's father _could_ hire someone to drive Azula, but Azula chased away nannies since the moment her mom left and her dad had no idea what to do with her.

He still doesn't trust her – but he trusts no one – and so Mai's parents swooped in and snatched up the opportunity as fast as they could. Everything they do is pathetic, so it is not surprising.

Azula knocks in the door and rolls her eyes. She should _have people_ for this.

The door opens and it is Mai's mother, looking frazzled but as plastic as usual. Plastic in every sense of that word.

"Do you want breakfast?" she offers. "Coffee? I have –"

"I am perfectly fine, thank you. Is Mai ready?" That question should be rhetorical. Of course she isn't.

"She should've woken up," croaks the woman in front of the small almost-sixteen-year-old-girl who she looks at like she is Doctor Doom.

"I will wake her. Do you have that coffee?" Azula tries not to laugh when she sees that Mai's mother cannot put two and two forever and then brings Azula coffee exactly as she asks for it. Which is exactly seven teaspoons of sugar and a tablespoon of vanilla cream.

And she can tell the difference.

People will feel her wrath if it is not to those specifications.

Azula does not say thank you before walking up the faux-rococo staircase to Mai's bedroom. It is still lavender themed and has not changed since she was a child.

"Mai, wake up before I pour this on you," Azula says and Mai makes a small sound in the back of her throat. "I'm going to count to three. There will not be a four. One, two –"

Mai sits up and knocks the half tipped cup out of Azula's hand. "You would have enjoyed that," she says before getting out of her bed and picking up her uniform off of the floor.

"Yes, yes I would have." Azula snickers.

[X]

The girls in Diamonte's tenth-grade English Lit class all have ribbons in their hair. Of course, there are slight variations; for example, Ty Lee raveled them in her braid and tied another at the top. Mai refuses to wear any but Ty Lee tied one so tightly around the strap of her backpack that she just sighed and gave in to that adornment.

How did the ribbons become so popular? Because those three girls wore them one day, and, suddenly, lo and behold, everyone started wearing ribbons in their hair.

The Sperries were Azula, the navy heels were Azula, the current trend of powder blue socks… is Azula. People hate her and want to be her, but only two people like her.

"Azula, I can't decide what color to copy your homework in," Ty Lee sighs as she looks at the pack of gel pens on her desk.

"Write it in pink," Mai interjects. "That's your favorite color."

"No, pink isn't her favorite color," Azula says and Ty Lee looks exalted. "She favors pink, but her favorite color is rainbow because she doesn't want to hurt the other colors' feelings. That's been her favorite since we met her."

"That's true!" Ty Lee chimes brightly. Mai gives Azula a glance that goes right over her head, as usual.

Ty Lee decides on blue before it is time to focus on class. She _hates_ it. They're studying _Hamlet_ which Ty Lee cannot even handle. Azula finds it funnier than _Macbeth_ , and Azula adores _Macbeth_. She was Lady Macbeth in the play her freshman year.

 _"You were amazing," Ty Lee squeals as Azula holds the roses from her father. "The lights were all red and you came out all unhinged and crazy saying… those words! I liked it when you looked at your hands and… said more words!"_

 _Ty Lee is in more pictures with Azula that night than anyone actually in the cast._

While the teacher talks, Ty Lee thinks about the mental love triangle that has been haunting her all of break. Especially at Azula's house. In her room, on her roof, wherever.

She is totally in love with her boyfriend, but her first crush never went away.

It _cannot_ be healthy to be in love with the girl-next-door for eight years.

[X]

Ty Lee opens her locker and reveals the glittery decorations and cute pictures of her and Haru and tries to find her French binder. It's the cute one with the Eiffel Tower and little poodle on it, but her book, folder and binder stacking skills are not magnificent. She sucks at Tetris too.

She feels big arms around her and squeaks and laughs and he turns her around. There he is, the guy of Ty Lee's most recent dreams. Ty Lee thinks she might hold onto him until Valentine's Day at least, because when he kisses her it is warm and dreamy.

"Hey," Haru says, studying Ty Lee's locker. "You looking for something?"

Ty Lee averts her eyes before nodding. "My French binder. It's in there somewhere."

Haru nods and starts sifting through it.

"I like the picture you gave me for mine," Haru remarks and Ty Lee looks to her glitter glue adorned locker and sees only two pictures of Azula, her and Mai. The first one makes her feel pure remorse when she hears Haru talking to her, because Ty Lee had never been happier in her life than on the day of that picture being taken.

It was a big deal ballet. They were doing an all-female Swan Lake. Azula was a stunning Odette and Ty Lee was Prince Siegfried. She was Azula's love interest, and everyone commented on how the stage lit up with their chemistry. But it probably wasn't real for Azula; she has made that clear over the years of Ty Lee's crush.

Ty Lee is technically over her. She dates. She always has a boyfriend. Before she breaks up with one, she has another one ready. But she really wants her lifelong crush. She wants Azula. Ty Lee doesn't mind being showered in hot male attention, however.

Haru hands her the binder, tidies up the books as if they were light sheets of paper, and smiles at her. She kisses him on the cheek and he kisses her on the lips. Her eyes drift to that picture of Ty Lee and Azula still in their make-up. Even while disheveled Azula is perfect.

"I've gotta get to Calc. I'll see you at lunch." Haru squeezes her hand and leaves.

Ty Lee has a sick feeling in her tummy about this. She's never had a boyfriend who she liked enough, or who she was serious about, but that crush is always there. Usually, when Ty Lee has a crush, she leaves whoever she is with and goes after him.

That doesn't work so well in this case.

There's Azula, there's Azula, there's Azula…

"Hi," and Azula opens the locker next to Ty Lee's.

Ty Lee smiles and wishes she had put that concealer on in the bathroom while Azula was in her American Government class. She doesn't really get why she cares so much about how she looks in front of one of the only two people who have seen her without make-up. Or that they're been _friends_ since they were eight.

"Do you have a minute? I wanna ask you a question," Ty Lee says in a too-serious tone.

"Yes," Azula replies, shrugging. She shuts her locker and leans against it.

"Is it normal to have a crush on more than one person? Like to have a mental love triangle going on?" Ty Lee asks breathlessly.

Azula is disinterested. "I have no idea. I have never had a crush on anyone, much less a mental love triangle."

"Not _anyone_? Azuuuula, you should date somebody." Something _growls_ inside of Ty Lee when she says that. It tears at her throat and she swallows.

It feels so _bad._

"Well, I've been thinking about someone," Azula lies and Ty Lee looks _crushed_. That is exactly how Azula likes it. Azula has been thinking about this someone because it would cause the most damage to the girl she has had a crush on for eight years.

Azula does _not_ fall for the girl-next-door. That's absurd.

She permanently devastates the girl-next-door for not being interested in her.

"Who?" Ty Lee squeaks.

"Someone. You'll find out," Azula says, smirking.

Oh, Ty Lee will suffer for never making a move with Azula.

[X]

After cheerleading, Ty Lee still feels gross about her girl-next-door. And _livid_ that Azula is going near anyone else. So, the minute she sees Haru. Ty Lee kisses him. And hugs him. And tries really hard to forget about Azula being interested in someone. It made her head hurt even worse than math. Being in love with Azula is more confusing and hard than _math_!

"You're so good! I liked it when you threw that ball!" Ty Lee says and Haru laughs. He always blushes despite being so big and strong with these arms he can wrap her in.

Ty Lee has pretty strong arms too from all the walking on her hands, but she likes being held better. That's why she likes Haru. And the other football players she dated.

Mai clears her throat and Ty Lee realizes she has her ride, her eyes wide as she slips out of his affectionate embrace.

"So, I got a text from Azula. She got asked out," Mai announces and Ty Lee makes a strangled noise.

Because the sky has fallen and squashed her like a bug. "Who asked her out?" Ty Lee screeches. "For gossip purposes, obviously!"

"Hahn. At their little rehearsal," Mai says with a small trace of a sadistic smirk on her lips. Ty Lee's eyes bulge.

"When they're _naked together_?" Ty Lee screeches.

"Not actually naked," Mai dryly corrects. She mentally counts to three before Ty Lee loses her cool.

"SHE WEARS A GLORIFIED NUDE BIKINI!" erupts the cute cheerleader.

"Uh, Ty Lee, you okay?" Haru asks after a moment of hesitation. He was not sure if he should interfere until this moment. "Do you _like_ this Hahn guy?"

Ty Lee finishes her deep breaths and collects herself. "No. I don't like him. At all. Azula just lied to me today and I'm mad. I'm super mad I had to hear it from Mai instead of her!"

"She didn't tell you because you'll tell everyone. I just told you because I want you to realize the ramifications of holding back…" Mai says and Ty Lee does not have to know what ramifications means to know that she is talking about her crush on Azula. Mai adds, "She said yes. But she has to run it by her dad first… so…"

Ty Lee breathes an open sigh of relief and Haru looks very confused. Poor boy has no clue. Mai almost pities him.

"He'll totally say no," Ty Lee says before hugging Mai tightly and then stepping back. "Thank you for warning me."

Mai crosses her arms and replies, "Oh, I wasn't warning you. I just couldn't wait that long to watch you freak out about it."

Rehearsal will be amusing to Mai.

It will be torture to Ty Lee.

* * *

 **Chapter Two:** Welcome to Fantasy Island

* * *

Ty Lee stares at the two tattooed killers in Azula's living room.

"Hi, I'm Ty Lee, nice to meet you! I like your tattoos," Ty Lee says, grinning at them. The man gives her a slight smile but the woman does not bother.

"We're here to escort you to dinner," says the woman, standing up and adjusting her leather jacket.

"I thought you made coffee," Azula says sweetly, which just makes Ty Lee _more_ nervous.

"We didn't make it for you. I was just telling you that you're about ten hours late and so we pretty much broke your coffee machine. It was dated anyway," the woman replies and Azula mentally throttles her. "Let's go. Tao. You both like Chinese food?"

Ty Lee opens her mouth to ask them about if yakuza are even allowed to eat that before changing her mind. She _definitely_ could ask Azula that later when she isn't literally shaking in her boots under the gaze of these two people.

The man could snap her in half in an instant, and the woman has this terrifying, paralyzing gaze.

"I guess no diner toast?" Ty Lee asks weakly.

[X]

Ozai's goons, of course, do their best to intimidate Azula's fiancée for the entire drive. And the traffic is slower than molasses. Azula thinks that the dinner could not be any worse, until she follows the waitress up the stairs and is forced to reconsider.

Because the first thing Azula hears when she brings her poor, quavering fiancée into the upper floor of Tao is the dry, familiar voice of Mai Shinohai saying, "… but would you rather hunt _humans_ or _pandas_? You'd hunt the humans. Anyone would hunt the humans instead of the pandas."

Ozai replies, "I would never hunt pandas _or_ humans and I'm beginning to regret buying it for you."

"I'm just joking," Mai says, but it sounds fairly insincere.

"I have never seen you look excited before, and that alone means I shouldn't trust you on your new island. I want to make you happy. It isn't that I _wouldn't_ hunt humans, but it would be a PR nightmare. Although, I do believe we'd be better off from a PR standpoint if we hunted humans and not… pandas."

"Forget about the pandas," Mai snaps. "It's not like anyone would survive to expose us. I saw this awful movie on Netflix – because you know I like movies about human hunting – and it sucked, somehow all of the actors were terrible, but the principle was great. They harvested organs, so it was basically charity."

"That is not basically charity," Ozai growls before Azula and Ty Lee reveal themselves.

Ozai is dressed in his most intimidating suit and Mai, as usual, is wearing sunglasses inside. They look like terrible people. Which, Azula supposes, is because they _are_ terrible people.

Mai looks up and deadpans, "Ty Lee, you look like Bambi and are unnaturally nimble. Want to come visit my new island?"

Azula speaks before Ty Lee can start rambling and giggling, "Mai, you are the only person who would see Bambi and want to hunt him. Father, did you honestly come all the way out here from Los Angeles, hire yakuza to intimidate my fiancée for an hour, in order to elaborately catch us off guard at this restaurant?"

Ozai laughs at the notion. "No, not at all. We never went back to LA."

"She's crying. This is all you promised it would be," Mai says into the wine glass touched to her lips.

Ty Lee squeals, "You could have warned me. I gave you my phone number!"

Mai shrugs. "I wanted to see you cry from terror. It's why I took you to that haunted house every Halloween for seven years straight, and it only gets better when you're an adult."

"And not punching that poor man in the hockey mask," Azula murmurs and Ty Lee glares. Azula tosses her coat onto one of the chairs and addresses her father. "What happened to _business at home_?"

"I lied, evidently," Ozai replies casually. "Both of you sit down and join us."

Ty Lee _leaps_ into a seat as fast as she can move. Azula sighs, because _of course_ she knows that Ozai is testing her tonight. He already shook her up with the freaks and now shocked her with _being here_.

Nervously, Ty Lee grasps at straws by asking Mai, "So, you got an island for Christmas? I don't remember you unwrapping that."

"You never got _me_ an island for Christmas," Azula complains, diverting attention from her fiancée.

"She asked," Ozai replies.

"Why would you ask?" Azula demands.

And Mai explains, "My only family member not in prison or my mother, my weird aunt, inexplicably gave me all of the _Twilight_ movies for Christmas. And a fruit arrangement, but that has nothing to do with it. I watched them all. Then I watched every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. It was a trip, but I knew in my heart what I wanted most in life after that."

"Ignoring the _Predator_ part… So, is it called Isle Mai then?" Ty Lee inquires.

Mai shakes her head. "No, it's called Isle Vicki Vallencourt. Unofficially."

"Who?" Ty Lee chimes and Azula gives her a _look_.

"I don't want to know why. Don't tell me. Don't even hint at it. I _don't want to know why_ ," Azula snarls with fervor.

"Unofficially," Mai says, adjusting her sunglasses. "It has some stupid tropical name, and I am not a tropical person. Woah, woah, wait, wait, wait, I have a better idea than the human hunting reserve. A reality tv show."

Ozai pauses and sets down his drink. "I'm listening to wherever horrible direction this is about to go."

Mai clears her throat before launching into her pitch, "Right, so… we hire a bunch of actors. And _one_ regular douchebag who belongs on _Jersey Shore_. He doesn't know about the actors. We take him and the camera crew and those actors to our island – no, we _don't_ hunt them – and we start out nice and normal. Exaggerated fights, making out in hot tubs, but then, suddenly, we stage the zombie apocalypse. This guy totally freaks out and we film his reactions."

"PR disaster," Ozai states and Ty Lee giggles. She feels hope that his bickering with Mai about this island will keep the focus off of her.

Mai waves her hand dismissively. "No, millions more dollars. Everyone would watch that show."

And Ozai retorts, "I can only envision that going in some horror movie direction."

And Mai replies, "Better suggestion. We make that into a movie premise—"

Mai is cut off by her husband demanding, "Ty Lee, if you had an island what would you do with it?"

It's a pop quiz! It's a test! It's a pop test! Ty Lee panics the minute she realizes that.

"I would build a spa," Ty Lee squeaks before offering a huge smile that would open any door. Except the one into Ozai's living room, because he seems unimpressed. "I like spas. And I'm totally certified to do both acupuncture and reiki. My parents said I should've gone to veterinary school instead."

Yeah. She thinks she just failed.

"Neither of those things are real," Ozai says, "but I give you credit for following your dreams."

Azula isn't certain if she heard that right. That is not something her father says, and, therefore, it must be part of his larger plan to break Ty Lee.

Mai is just as alarmed, and so she takes her opportunity to interject, " _Azula_ would hunt people on it."

To which Azula corrects, "No, I'd make them hunt _each other_ like in _Battle Royale_ and watch the bloodshed from my beautiful personal resort."

"None of you should ever get an island," Ozai remarks.

"Yeah, what're you going to do with it?" Mai asks, sliding her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose.

"I don't know yet, but none of those things," Ozai says and Mai sighs.

"My island."

"I paid for it."

 **[X]**

 ** _Seven Years Ago_**

 _Mai buys new clothes for her dinner date. She has never cared about how she dressed before, but she has realized that her grunge phase of the past three years has severely limited her amount of formal garments._

 _She fondly remembers her mother crying when she cut up a Chanel dress into something she would not be ashamed to wear. Mother did not believe that 'all the kids were doing it' when Mai lied._

 _Unfortunately, she thinks it is a size too small in some places and a size too large in others, which makes her deeply regret not just breaking into Azula's house and stealing something of hers. Then again, robbing the man waiting for her would make a piss poor impression._

 _She already got caught breaking into his house to kill his son for breaking up with her over text. Well, not actually kill him. Just frighten him a bit._

 _"He's waiting for you," says the waitress and Mai cocks her head to the side._

 _"How do you know who's waiting for me?"_

 _The waitress rolls her eyes. "He can see you and you've been standing there for like five minutes at least."_

 _"You don't have to be a total bitch about it," Mai says and the waitress looks stunned. "Don't act like no one's ever said that to you before."_

 _The disgruntled waitress guides Mai to an isolated table out of plain sight. Mai knows well enough from her long history with Azula that people like to gawk and take pictures if they follow the news in the slightest. It is exceptionally weird to Mai that a family of businesspeople manage to be celebrities too._

 _Mai remains standing as he greets her._

 _"So, let's clarify up front. All I do is have this date with you, just a date in this restaurant place, and then you make the problem disappear."_

 _"Yes. Unless you change your mind."_

 _"I'm not changing my mind." Mai sits down across from him and lets her purse fall onto her feet. Ozai watches as it stays there and stays there and he realizes she is not picking it up._

 _"That's fine." He waits for her to get settled and watches her halfheartedly examine the menu. "So, you're going to college nearby?"_

 _"Yeah. Well, I'm probably dropping out to deal with my parents' horrible mistakes but I don't really care."_

 _"I figured you didn't. What were you studying?"_

 _"Stuff, or whatever. I want-wanted to be a surgeon," Mai says and Ozai waits. She imagines he is asking for a justification. "I like the sight of blood and scalpels arouse me."_

 _"That's a good a reason as any."_

 _"I tell everyone I'm going to study for the FBI. Since they're all criminals. I think it's funny to watch their expressions. But, no, I was going to med school before my father made the mistake of getting caught and my mother ran off to her parents and didn't answer my calls."_

 _"How many times did you call her?" Ozai inquires._

 _"I haven't yet," Mai replies honestly._

 _"I thought you said she didn't answer them."_

 _"Yeah. She can't answer calls I don't make, can she?" Mai asks and he cannot argue with that._

 _He enjoys that response._

 **[X]**

At Tao, Ozai orders for everyone, which no one finds uncomfortable except for Azula. She has definitely ordered food for her girlfriend before, despite it being controlling, but she does not like the idea of Ozai having the advantage in this dinner.

And when they are halfway done with that meal and Ty Lee has been quizzed as if she is guilty of murder, Ozai shatters Azula's plans for the near future.

"We're staying with you," he says and Azula laughs.

"You're kidding. You can go to any hotel you please. I will kick out whoever is in the nicest suite. Mai can torment room service to her heart's content. I have only one guest room," Azula says, trying not to look as frantic as she is.

"You have two," Ozai corrects coolly.

"Bunny," Azula explains with double his level of ice in her tone.

"But it doesn't matter anyway because we didn't bring anyone else," Ozai says in his _intimidating_ voice. "You tolerated being snowed in with your mother, you can tolerate your dear, beloved father for four days."

Azula looks as if he said _four months_ , but she quickly rids herself of that expression and clears her throat. "Are you certain you don't want a hotel room? We're moving Ty Lee and Bunny in which is… a Sisyphean task, given the fact that she is a worse hoarder than Uncle. Why not take more than one hotel room?"

"We will help you move Ty Lee in," Ozai says and Mai takes her sunglasses off. She is very unhappy when she does that, even by Mai standards.

"You know as well as everyone at this table that he wants to make sure Ty Lee is worthy of you and so he's going to stay with you 24/7 while you two are at your most chaotic," Mai says smoothly and Azula glares.

"No one needed to say that out loud," she hisses.

[X]

When Mai and Ozai arrive at Azula's apartment, Ty Lee helps with luggage, because she is strong and it means she doesn't have to interact much with her soon-to-be father-in-law. She then goes into the guest room to catch her breath and aid Mai with unpacking.

Azula and Ozai are still talking over coffee and cigarettes and Ty Lee has never been so relieved about Azula not paying attention to her.

Mai does not scare her the way Ozai does. It is so refreshing to not be on her toes for a few moments. Mai sits on the bed and halfheartedly helps while Ty Lee throws herself into the work to escape the reality of the situation.

While pulling a robe out of Mai's suitcase, Ty Lee gushes, "That is the prettiest robe I have _ever_ seen."

"Yeah, it's not ugly so I wear it a lot," Mai says and Ty Lee smiles at it. "It goes best with black pajama shorts and a black tank top. I look sexy, apparently, but it's not like I care."

It's silk. Purple and flowy and probably too long with a dragon pattern embroidered on it.

"Yup, yup, yup." Ty Lee grins.

"What happened to you?" Mai asks and Ty Lee sighs. "You just vanished the minute you left. Azula and I didn't hear from you once until you and Azula apparently found each other."

Ty Lee wrings her hands. "I just made some choices that didn't work out for me. I'm sorry for leaving you two. You _both_ are still my best friends and I can't wait to spend four days with you."

 _But not Ozai_.

Mai does not care enough to pry further into Ty Lee's mysterious vanishing for seven years.

"Is there anything not boring to do in this city?" Mai asks as she picks up the fifth black shirt and passes it off to Ty Lee.

"I like it here," Ty Lee says, smiling.

And Mai rolls her amber eyes. "That's not a very good answer."

Before Ty Lee can say anything, a small voice shrieks excitedly, "Mai, Mai, Mai, Mai, Mai, Mai!"

Mai slowly turns to look down at the small girl still bundled in her winter clothes. Her cheeks are ruddy and her eyes are wide with excitement.

"We're going to have to do something child friendly tonight, aren't we?" Mai sighs.

"Diner toast!" Ty Lee sings and Mai almost smiles at the idea of Azula and Ozai in a plastic _booth_ being served fries.

Oh, now that is not nearly as boring as Mai thought tonight would be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:** Oblivious Lesbians of Beverly Hills

* * *

Rehearsal was interesting. Azula liked the look on Ty Lee's face when she proved that she could get a boy too. Even if that boy is Hahn. She now sits in her father's ice cold office, breathing in the scent of air conditioning and sharp cologne. He is in a meeting. He has been in a meeting for two hours and Azula has finished all of her homework and made two study guides for upcoming exams.

Now she is forced to face the fact that she needs to figure out how to ask her father about going out with a boy when he walks into his office and forces a phone into her hand before she can even open her mouth. He says nothing, just leaves her still sitting on the sofa outside.

"Hello?" she asks politely, swallowing her frustration.

"I was about to hang up; it was so quiet that I thought the connection was lost. I assume your father answered," exasperatedly says a woman.

Azula has never hated Ozai Shinohai more than she does at this moment. Here she is, dealing with more than enough, and he forces her to talk to _her mother_.

"What do you need?" Azula coldly asks.

"To talk to your father," says the worst woman in the Universe.

"I do too. He's apparently busy," Azula replies.

"Of course he is; that _is_ why I divorced him."

"Tell me what you want. I will pass it on to him."

"Zuko is halfway to LA," mother says, "and I'm assuming you have no idea."

That startles Azula. She certainly wasn't expecting that. "Why?"

"To stay with you, as planned by me and your father and, I'm sure, filed somewhere underneath much more important—"

"Can I ask you for something?" Azula remorselessly interrupts.

Silence. "Of course."

"Can I go out with a boy?" She didn't anticipate that that would be so difficult to say.

Mother says as if it is obvious, "Yes. You're sixteen, which is _too old_ for a first boyfriend in my opinion." Pause. "But I thought you were with that girl."

"What girl?" Azula hisses.

"The not-goth-one. I've seen her on your Facebook and you two always seemed… like a couple? You went to homecoming together and leave flirtatious messages and your relationship status is _marrie—_ "

"I am not dating Ty Lee!" Azula swallows and hopes she does not protest too much. The flirtatiousness is _all_ on Ty Lee; Azula is not the type of person who posts cutsey love notes anywhere. "So, I am completely allowed by you to go to the movies with a boy from the Ballet Academy?"

"I said yes. Did you forget to record my answer?" Ursa sighs.

"No. Just clarifying. I'll find a way to pick up Zuko from the airport."

"I didn't tell you when or where he's—"

 _Click_.

[X]

Azula does not bother mentioning Zuko to Ozai until they are halfway home. Her father is driving in a car that he tells her not to touch, even while sitting in it.

She launches cavalierly into, "So, Zuko is somewhere in the city. Mother sent him and said you knew."

"I guess I forgot." His tone reveals that he didn't. _Of course_. "But he is a seventeen-year-old boy, and can find his own way home."

Azula shakes her head in disbelief. But, lo and behold, when they walk into their home, Zuko's shoes and two bags are inside. Two bags; Azula cannot handle a prolonged stay. She is developing a migraine as she and father walk to the kitchen.

"I told you he was a seventeen-year-old boy and could find his own way home," Ozai remarks as he looks at his son, whom is sitting at the bar with a bowl cereal. "Who let you in?"

"I know the code. It's Azula's name and birthday. Like your Amazon password. Or your Netflix password. Probably your work password too, I mean, it's not like hacking the Pentagon with you," Zuko says with his mouth full.

Azula knows he is only doing that to piss of their father. This week will be _so joyous_ for Azula. Ugh.

"I'll be in my room," _until Zuko leaves forever_.

She flops down on her bed and tries to sleep despite the ferocious sunlight pouring in from her window.

[X]

After school, Azula has yet to change out of her uniform as she tries to best her brother at basketball. They play outside on the driveway like they did when they were children, but their rivalry has only increased.

"You are not good at basketball," Zuko declares with a smug laugh.

Azula wonders if strangling him is against the rules of this stupid sport. It is cold out – for LA at least – and boring, and Azula is about to poke a hole through the ball with her fingernails. She doesn't know why she agreed to do this.

Oh, right, to prevent he and father from getting into a fist fight.

She should be sainted.

"I could be good if you weren't _obviously cheating_." Azula pauses and sighs as he tosses the basketball directly through the net. "However, I am very happy for you. Being halfway decent at a single sport is leaps and bounds from where you once were."

Zuko loudly protests, "I was good at stuff, but the minute you showed any promise, you got all of the resources."

"Such hard feelings for no reason." Azula finally punches the ball out of his hand and watches it roll out into the street. "Cheer up; you have Uncle now to pay for your basketball lessons and post-game pizza. He's apparently so much better than our father. Although, I am curious as to why you're here instead of at school and with your mommy."

" _Our_ mommy. And it's none of your business," Zuko bitterly says.

Azula thinks she may have touched a nerve. Much more fun than _basketball_. "You don't think father will ask?"

"I actually don't think he cares," Zuko says, and he does have a point.

"Hm." Azula shrugs and starts to turn away.

It doesn't take long for Zuko to call after her, "If I tell you, you can't tell him."

"Well, I have no idea why you would ever believe my promise, but sure." Azula does not know yet. If it is something hysterical that she could use against him, well…

He is setting himself up for blackmail. It's so trusting.

"I got suspended from school." Not trusting, she now realizes; he wants her to think he's a badass.

Azula can't help but cackle. "How?"

"I punched a guy out."

 _That_ she further didn't expect. "Was he mean to you?"

"Yes. Then he was being creepy to this girl and I just… knocked a few of his teeth out. Not vital teeth or anything."

"Not vital teeth?" Azula smirks. "I didn't think you had it in you. I'd imagine if someone was hurting your feelings you would just tattle to your mommy."

Zuko squints at her. "I have never met someone so obsessed with her mother. Are you jealous or something?"

Azula takes two steps forward as visions of violence dance through her head. "I hope you don't like your vital teeth."

But she doesn't attack.

Zuko waves his hand carelessly. "Ugh. Fine. I'm going to go get the ball."

"I hope you get hit by a car," Azula murmurs.

And up, over the white picket fence, a teenage girl is peering through bubblegum pink curtains with her phone pressed between her shoulder and ear.

"Mai, Mai, Mai," Ty Lee screeches into the phone the minute Mai picks up.

" _What_?" Mai asks, trying and failing to save her eardrums.

"Zuko is outside with Azula. They're playing basketball."

"God, you're a creep. Wait – how did anyone get her to play basketball?" Mai sits up in her bed.

"I don't know. But _Zuko_. You like Zuko!" Ty Lee is bouncing from excitement. Rehearsal had been so _terrible_ before this happened.

"I like sleeping, which I was doing before you called me."

"He's hot." Ty Lee giggles. "He's _not wearing a shirt, Mai_. Mai you have to get up and look."

"I'm not spying on Azula. You can keep your weird girl-next-door obsession to yourself."

"But you could be with the _boy-next-door_ ," Ty Lee sings.

"No."

Mai hangs up before Ty Lee can do anymore damage to her peaceful nap.

[X]

Ty Lee sips Starbucks seductively as she tries to navigate her locker. How does it get so _packed_? Azula comes up and her heart starts to go too fast. She drops her binders. She drops her iPhone. Its case cracks and paper fortune cookie strips burst out like confetti.

Azula stares at the floor as Ty Lee falls onto her knees to pick up the slips of folded up paper. Of course Azula does not offer to help.

"I had no idea you still did that," Azula remarks, remembering the time when Ty Lee's old phone fell and the battery popped out, revealing the fortune cookie fortunes within. "Give me one."

Azula holds out a hand and Ty Lee hands her a white slip. Azula nimbly unfolds it and laughs.

"You would prosper in the field of medical research," she reads with a smirk. "I don't think this one is very accurate."

Ty Lee scowls. "Yeah, well, the Aries horoscope for this week says you're going to lose a close friend."

Azula cackles. "Horoscopes aren't real," she says for the thousandth time. She does think it is kind of cute that Ty Lee believes in that hokey nonsense.

Ty Lee crosses her arms and smugly states, "Gemini last week was right on the money. It said I was going to learn hot new gossip. And Virgo said that an old crush would come back into their life."

Azula sighs and smashes her head back on the metal. "You're referring to my brother. Your horoscope didn't predict that."

A smile sneaks onto Ty Lee's fruit punch flavored lips. "Yeah it did. Mai's old crush, my hot new gossip."

"I'm not going to explain why those aren't real again. Yes, my brother is staying with me for reasons that I cannot comprehend. There's more to the story than what he told to me, but I don't feel the need to find out." Azula glares.

Ty Lee changes the subject to save herself from the copious mommy and Zuko issues. "Did you do that stupid assignment for English Lit?"

"About our future hopes and dreams?" Azula twists open her locker. "I do all of my homework and that was a free A since over half of the class is failing."

Not a free A for Ty Lee. "Will you make up hopes and dreams for me? My own don't really sound so good on paper."

"What are they?" Azula thinks she will make Ty Lee an aspiring astrology hotline scammer.

"You know how much I'd like to be a professional gold digger," Ty Lee muses and Azula is fairly certain that she is serious. "It's a lucrative business, and I think I'm hot enough for it."

"Well, when we were in middle school we promised that if we weren't married by thirty we would marry each other. So, there is a chance for you." Azula smirks when Ty Lee scowls and slams her locker shut.

"Don't be mean," she mutters.

"I will be as mean as I like to be," Azula states, mockingly batting her eyelashes.

"I hope your first date ever is terrible."

"Well, _ouch_ , you've hurt my feelings. I don't care about the date. He means nothing to me."

Ty Lee's hopes soar even though she knows they will come crashing down.

* * *

 **Chapter Three:** Extreme Hoarders in Tiaras

* * *

The minute Mai walks into Ty Lee's apartment, she starts backing out of it. "No. No. No. No. Oh God, no."

It is the most nightmarish scene imaginable. Mai has never seen something so frightening before in her life.

Ozai's lips twitch and he says, "You love _Extreme Hoarders_ , Mai. Help this poor girl burn all of her belongings because there is no way I am allowing any of this into my daughter's home."

"No!" Ty Lee shrieks.

"Burning things sounds good, but you know what sounds bad? Taking Ty Lee to go buy replacements for all of this. She is the worst hoarder and shopaholic I have ever met; that's why Uncle wants her to marry into us so much."

"Do you have sterile gloves?" Mai asks as she examines an entire box of assorted hairdryers. "I'm not touching any of this. It all smells like fruity deodorant."

Ty Lee pouts. "This is our family friendly activity. Azula suggested it."

Mai glares at her best— _former_ —best friend. It was not _her_ decision to come to this disgusting, snowy city in order to brutally test Ty Lee's adequacy. She hates everyone.

"I did. Father, you can help Bunny throw out half of her belongings. Maybe he'd like to hear about your toys," Azula says and Bunny beams. Ozai's expression is so satisfying. "Mai, Ty Lee, come help me find Ty Lee's necessities to help her move in."

"You don't have to bark at us," Mai mutters to herself as she enters the obstacle course Ty Lee calls home.

[X]

"No, but, here's my pitch, okay?" Mai begins as she pretends to be sorting through _another_ bin of sequined skirts. Ty Lee's bedroom is the worst place she has ever been in before. "Do you like _Extreme Hoarders_? Do you like _Keeping Up with the Kardashians_? Love _Game of Thrones_? Watch… and I have no title. I thought about the $hinohai lyfe with a dollar sign and Y but it doesn't do it for me."

"That sounds horrible," Azula icily comments. She will be on a show called the $hinohai lyfe when the sun rises in the west.

"Yeah, so does every reality television show in history. Like evidently _Toddlers & Tiaras _which I will now add to the list. Has Bunny ever worn this?" Mai holds up a small, pink, glittery skirt.

"That's mine." Ty Lee snatches it away.

"I should have known," Mai says with an exasperated sigh.

"Oh my God!" Ty Lee squeals and Azula narrows her eyes. "It's a photo album! I bet you're both in it!"

Mai is the one who dares to ask, "When exactly is it from?"

Ty Lee opens to the first page and runs her fake nail along the years scrawled in pink calligraphy pen. "Oh, our freshman year! I think I have our sophomore year somewhere here too."

"I'm sure you have Atlantis somewhere here…" Mai mutters and Azula gives her a warning glance that is ignored.

Ty Lee opens to page one, and, lo and behold, it's the three girls on the last day of summer. They are posed at the Bozeman airport.

"Oh, how did we ever become friends?" Ty Lee wonders aloud as she studies the motley crew they were. "We're so different!"

In the photograph, Ty Lee is wearing a pink track suit with a lighter pink crop top and has a long braid of hair that had only been trimmed for her entire life. Her huge, tacky earrings are visible from outer space. Mai clearly shopped nowhere but Hot Topic and is in the phase when she wore baby powder on her face – as if she needed to be paler – while utterly refusing to smile. She _did_ have braces at the time, Azula recalls. Azula is in her 60's Mod phase, which she has never been proud of. A girl in the late 2000's should not have kept a bouffant.

"Azula, you look like a _James Bond_ femme fatale instead of Dame Judy Dench," Mai says, pointing at her dear, dear stepdaughter.

"I'm twenty-six and have exactly zero wrinkles," Azula snaps, her eyes not leaving the glitter-glue covered scrapbook.

"I meant your clothes and make-up… which I shouldn't have had to explain," Mai replies.

"The point at the time _was_ to look like a Bond villain, so…" Azula shrugs. "It's infinitely better than your hipster phase."

"I look great," Ty Lee declares and Mai manages to hold her tongue. She would not describe any of them as _looking great_ in that picture. "Ooo! This was the year Azula was in _Macbeth_ for school! I had a lot of pictures of that. Oh, oh! And the year everybody wore red scarves!"

"Yeah, I have some interesting videos from freshman and sophomore year that involve disco and duct tape dresses. That was during my _American Beauty_ phase." Mai almost laughs. She cannot believe she ever was _that_ bad of a hipster.

Azula gives Mai a semi-disgusted glance. "Mai, I'm sorry, but I don't think your _American Beauty_ phase has ended yet. Or ever will."

"I don't get it," Ty Lee complains, cocking an inquisitive eyebrow. They both are so _in on_ something that she isn't, and Ty Lee hates being left out.

Mai begins, " _American Beauty_ is about a man in a midlife crisis who wants to fu—"

Azula throws a stripper heel at her, and Mai narrowly dodges. "We are not discussing this."

"What does it have to do with Mai taking stupid iPhone videos of people for two years?" Ty Lee innocently bats her eyelashes.

Azula just sighs. "Ty Lee, you can watch it later. After you finish cleaning this room."

"Fine, mom. God," Ty Lee teases through giggles.

She laughs at her own jokes. Why is Azula marrying her again?

[X]

After finishing up at Ty Lee's apartment, "Can I call you Gram-Gram?" Bunny asks, tugging on Mai's hand as they walk down the horrible sidewalk.

Why is everything under construction? Why is everything so cold? _Why_? Why are there so few ads for plastic surgery?

"You absolutely may not," Mai replies after a moment of speechlessness.

"But my other grandma said I could call her Grammy," Bunny whines.

"That better have been _my_ grandmother!" Azula snaps, spinning on her heel and knocking an unlucky tourist over.

"Your… mom?" Bunny looks confused. Rightfully.

"Mai is your grandmother, Ilah is your grandmother and _that is it_ ," Azula orders.

Ty Lee gently shoves Azula. "Don't be mean to my baby. She doesn't know any better."

"Oh, do you hate her like mom hates her mom?" Bunny asks and Azula cocks a smug eyebrow. Ty Lee starts walking again, her hands now deeper in her parka pockets. "I get it! But you don't hate Gram-Gram."

"Don't call me that," Mai says, but she thinks hope is lost already. Bunny grabs her by the wrist and pulls on her surprisingly hard.

"Hurry up or we can't play paper dolls before my bedtime!"

"Kill me," Mai whispers.

[X]

Ty Lee starts to turn into some sketchy diner and Azula grabs her by the coat sleeve.

"We're not getting diner toast."

Ty Lee smiles anxiously. "Well, see, I thought we were before your dad surprised us, and, I know you're going to be annoyed, but I forgot that I told Angel that you would look at this thing she doesn't understand."

"Her first grader's math homework?" Azula smugly suggests and Ty Lee frowns at her.

"That's mean and I don't want you to say stuff like that about my remaining friends. It's _her_ homework for _college_ – where _you didn't even go_ – and it's an interview for an economics thesis. I said you'd do it because she will do like so good if she has an interview from a _Shinohai_ , right?"

"You can't just nominate me for interviews," Azula breathily protests.

"Please. She's so smart. Like way smarter than me," Ty Lee chimes.

Ty Lee walks inside of the diner and is warmly welcomed by the staff.

Azula sighs and follows her. She certainly does not receive the same fanfare.

"Why can't we go to a bar? Days like today require alcohol," Azula complains, sliding into a booth.

"Days like today require _heroin_ ," Mai corrects as Bunny at last releases her.

The moment the Shinohais plus Bunny are settled, Ty Lee returns with a very pretty waitress.

Ty Lee is so thrilled to introduce everyone. "This is my friend, Angel. Angel, this is Azula's dad and stepmom."

Angel looks at Azula, her pleading eyes glistening in the fluorescent lights. "Can you please help me? It's for my stupid journalism class and I got stuck with stuff about like Wall Street. I wanted to write about _Vogue_."

"Oh, well, I don't know anything about either of those things. I've never even been on a trading floor and well, I've been in _Vogue_ a few times, but I don't know how it works."

"I thought you were a businesswoman," Angel inquires.

"Yes. I own an oil company. There is such a difference between that and the stock market. But I do know enough to possibly give you an interview that will give you maybe a B?" Azula could use some more kindness and generosity in Ty Lee's direction.

"That sounds awesome," Angel says.

"This will be my personal opinion. See, I have someone who I pay for things like that, but I do have some strong opinions. But, out of the pure kindness of the cold storage-shed where my heart should be, I will give you five minutes of my advice."

"Thanks." Angel shuffles index cards and puts a pencil between her teeth while sitting down to write.

Mai leans in to Ozai. "I bet you five thousand dollars Azula is at least a seven on the condescending scale."

He whispers back, "I don't disagree with you. That would be a terrible bet."

"Fine. I bet you five thousand that she will be exactly a nine because she will try to be semi-nice in front of Ty Lee. You can have at least a seven. But if she's _exactly_ a nine, I win."

Azula says, "Right. My disclaimer is that no one has a crystal ball and I am far from a financial advisor – I _have_ one of those – so if I am wrong and you look like an idiot for using my interview in your thesis, it is your fault for not asking a professional. I didn't even go to college."

"Oh," Angel says with a befuddled glance at Ty Lee.

"There are two words in stocks and bonds. I don't believe in any bonds except for the sexual kind. Write all of that down; it was funnier than anything you could write."

 _"_ We're at eight already," Mai whispers.

"I would personally invest in large companies that pay good dividends and are American. I only know that because I have one of those. I guess American probably wouldn't make as much of a difference as when my grandfather gave me that lecture about the Stock Market the Easter he came to visit me here, since an American does half its business internationally and an international company does half of its business in America, but with what my uncle's company got away with before being caught, imagine what a company in China could get away with."

Angel claps her hands together with a deep, airy breath in. "Okay. This is all really good. Some quotes and stuff but what are bonds and dividends?"

"How many minutes was that, Ty Lee?"

"Like six. I think," Ty Lee replies. She tries to look as innocent as possible.

"Well, I said five. Ask the internet that question," declares Azula.

"I will," nervously says Angel as she stands up. "Bye, Ty Lee!"

"Bye! I'm sorry my fiancée is so mean!"

"I expect it from her by now." Angel waves.

" _That was a ten. You win_ ," Mai whispers out of the corner of her mouth.

"Azula, be nice sometimes. She's gonna be my maid of honor," Ty Lee says sweetly and Ozai no longer cares much about his bet.

"I'll be nicer," Azula lies. That will happen when Hell freezes over.

"I am going to go make them give us all of their coffee." Ozai stands and walks away.

Azula knows she did something wrong. Ugh.

Mai taps on the straw dispenser and starts unwrapping one, despite not having a drink. She then comments, "You are afraid of your father seeing you as obeying anything Ty Lee says. Because you are afraid he will think you're no longer the perfect son or that Ty Lee isn't the perfect wife." Mai taps the straw dispenser twice more. "Damn, I should be a psychologist."

Azula glares. "No. You shouldn't. The level of times you have self-diagnosed my family with Freudian syndromes means you should never be a psychologist."

"I think that Freud might have _based_ his theories on your family," Mai says. "But that aside, I know you just lied about being nice to her friends, but you've been making Ty Lee look weak. You'll be way more successful if you make Ty Lee look strong and more like you. He's testing _her_."

"You think that he would want me to marry someone like myself?"

"No. I think the more people remind him of himself, the more he likes them."

"Ugh. God, that is true. Maybe you should be a psychologist," Azula comments.

"Yeah." Pause. "But I could never be a therapist or psychologist or psychiatrist or anything that involves dealing with people's illnesses and problems. One, this entire conversation was boring, and two, I hate listening to whining or watching any displays of emotion. There was a baby crying on the plane and I just wanted to tell it to man the fuck up."

"But you didn't care enough to do it?" Ty Lee suggests.

"You know me well," Mai says, slowly shaking her head. "He's coming back. Time for you to make Ty Lee look like the strong one." Mai considers winking but changes her mind.

Azula hopes Mai's advice pays off, because this will not be fun for anyone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:** Yellow

* * *

It was a cold week, but the weekend is hot enough for Ty Lee to initiate her plan for Mai.

Her most brilliant of plans. Well, it's pretty simple; lure Mai into wearing a bikini in front of Zuko. They would be such a cute couple! Nobody could resist Mai in a bikini either, especially not Zuko. He makes _eyes_ at Mai, Ty Lee swears.

Fortunately, Ty Lee nabbed her lifelong best friend at the perfect times: after they both dutifully voted for Azula after the super boring debates and speeches. At least no math class!

" _Azula is going to be freaking Class President. This is all more of a joke than the Oscars. The only not boring part of her speech was the one about making the freshman fight to the death…"_

 _"I loved all the parts. I don't love the part where she's going on a date tonight. Will you go shopping for bikinis with me?"_

And it worked! So, currently, Ty Lee is at the mall with Mai. The sunshine is perfect, but she does not think the magic blonde highlight spray that is supposedly activated by sunlight is working. But Ty Lee wishes that were the worst of her worries.

Right now, Azula is in a movie theatre with Hahn. They probably are _making out_ or maybe he is making a move on her. Ty Lee would do anything to stop thinking about that. And that anything is currently dressing up Mai in a variety of bikini swimsuits.

"It's cute, it's cute, it's cute!" Ty Lee croons about the white one.

Mai groans when she looks into the mirror. "I cannot believe you got me to do my homework at school for this."

"You agreed to go shopping with me." Ty Lee pouts.

 _'Of course you would use me to forget Azula,'_ Mai thinks. But she says, "It's better than being home with my parents. Fine, I'll buy a bikini. But I'm going to buy the ugliest one I can find."

"Yay!" Ty Lee cheers.

Mai is in the dressing room when she says, "I know you're trying to get me together with Zuko. You're not very subtle or sneaky."

"No, I'm trying to get my mind off of the fact that Azula is on a date with _Hahn_. You're helping! Keep helping!" Ty Lee shrieks. She feigns hysterical tears; Mai would do anything to make that stop.

She wonders if she should tell Ty Lee that Azula is in record breaking levels of denial, and that the date with Hahn is likely just to make her jealous, but since Ty Lee is forcing Mai to try on bikinis, she is absolutely not telling. It is not her place to play matchmaker either. The two of them will figure it out eventually.

Mai is not like Ty Lee when it comes to vicarious romance.

"I found the ugliest one. I'll buy it," Mai says.

Ty Lee watches Mai go back into the dressing room with the most revealing suit yet. It's also yellow. Ty Lee is very confused because Mai threatens to gouge the eyes out of people leering at her and she despises the color yellow.

Well, _ugliest one_ is subjective, Ty Lee supposes.

[X]

Once Ty Lee forces Mai into the hideous yellow bikini, Mai walks into Azula's pool and sees Zuko lying there on a rainbow hued floaty. He has on sunglasses and he is extremely muscular. And shirtless. Okay, maybe Mai really likes looking at that.

"You're hotter," Ty Lee whispers to Mai.

Mai does not know what to make of that comment, but she just walks towards the water at Ty Lee's prodding and sits down with her feet in it. Ty Lee keeps mouthing, _'Take off that dress'_ over and over, which makes Mai glare at her.

There is a reason for the dark cover-up. She definitely is not going into that water.

"Oh, hey! Azula's not here," Zuko says, sitting up and steadying himself on the floaty. Mai wishes he had fallen off.

Mai dryly announces, "Ty Lee wants me to go swimming with you because she thinks we would be a good couple."

Zuko lifts his sunglasses up and stares blankly.

"Oh. That's… honest," he nervously breathes.

Ty Lee somehow still looks hopeful.

[X]

"Why are you wet and wearing yellow? You hate being wet and you hate yellow," is all Azula has to say for herself after returning from her date. She walked into her comfortably climate controlled home and found her sole friends inexplicably inside. Ty Lee thinks she might hate Azula. No, no she doesn't. Ty Lee can't even hate her for two seconds.

"It's all your fault," Mai says to Azula before walking through the open door and across the street.

Azula turns to Ty Lee. "Why are you in my home? I'm not here. Well, I am now. But I wasn't."

"Zuko was here. We were with Zuko because he is fun and we love him and he's a good friend," Ty Lee says before also fleeing.

Azula briefly contemplates investigating that confusing outburst, but then she decides she does not care.

"How was your… study meeting, or whatever your lie to father was?" Zuko asks as he walks inside. He _glows_ as if their attention has value.

She does not tell her brother, but Azula's date did not go well. She had monumentally low expectations, but they were somehow too high. He was a sleazy, obnoxious boy who talked through the _entire_ movie. She glared forward at the screen and bat away his advances.

He asked her if she was crying.

It was an action movie.

Needless to say, she wanted to jab his eyes out with a hot poker by the end of the date. But

"Why were they even here?" Azula demands, unpinning her hair in front of one of the many, many mirrors in this mansion.

Zuko stares at her reflection. He looks far too smug and deserves to be knocked down several notches.

"They came over to swim with me. Maybe you're going out of style," Zuko says as he sets his sunglasses on the pristine counter.

"Maybe you are gallivanting around shirtless and they decided to gawk before making fun of you behind your back like all the girls do," Azula says. He snorts, but she believes those comments will eventually become deep-seated fears within him.

She loves the idea of shattering Zuko as much as she loves the idea of making Ty Lee jealous.

Azula walks up the stairs and to her bedroom, the whole time livid at Ty Lee for not crying in her bedroom. Ty Lee just came and played with Zuko in the pool when she was supposed to be emotionally devastated.

Maybe Azula is not as much of a people person as she thought she was.

She turns off her phone and attends to her homework. Ty Lee can call all she likes; Azula hopes she leaves her hanging.

Azula _almost_ has forgotten about her disastrous date, before she hears knocking on her window. She stands up and walks to see Ty Lee waiting outside. Azula does notice that her best friend has put on fresh makeup before leaping across their roofs.

She contemplates not even unlatching the window, but she does.

"Don't kill me! I brought bubbles!" Ty Lee says, waving the small bottle in front of Azula's face. Ty Lee hands a wand to Azula, whom is _absolutely_ not going to be using it.

Still, Azula decides the bubbles are a peace offering, and she climbs out into the warm night air. Ty Lee smiles when Azula sits beside her and they look out at palm trees and little boxes.

"I couldn't reach your phone," Ty Lee stammers. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just had a bad day and I didn't mean any of that about Zuko."

Azula yawns pointedly. "I didn't even notice," she says. "I _will_ humor your hipster afternoon of bubbles on my roof."

Ty Lee grins, then mutters, "I'm not a hipster."

"Oh yes you are. You're a textbook prep, of course, but those glasses were just sad."

"Dr. Kazou asked me if I was wearing them to look smart or because I needed them," Ty Lee says, wrinkling her nose.

Azula laughs. "And what did you say?"

"That I usually wear contacts." Ty Lee blushes about her lie in retrospect.

Silence.

For a moment, it seems like they are going to talk of love and jealousy. But that is not appropriate. That is not anything they will ever discuss.

Silence.

"So, what're you doing your history thesis on? I hope I impress him! He's so sexy."

Azula wishes Ty Lee hadn't said that. Sometimes she likes to pretend that she has a chance with the girl next to her. Coldly, she explains, "Well, he gave me McCarthyism. So I'm writing about how politicians use fear to control people, and I'm going to tie in Vietnam and—"

"Okay! Sounds interesting!" Ty Lee interrupts.

Azula smirks. "Sounds boring, or so you think."

"And your women's history thesis?" Ty Lee smiles and leans in. Azula can tell Ty Lee is feigning interest, but it means she does not have to talk about her date, which is a relief.

Azula asks, in honor of _Scream_ and her thesis, "Quick; who was the killer in Friday the 13th?"

Ty Lee blurts out, "Freddy – no _Jason_! Jason Hockey Mask Man!"

"Wrong. It was Jason's mother." Pause. "I'm writing my thesis on the lack of female villains in the media. Or at least _good_ female villains."

Ty Lee taps her finger on her lip. God, she's bad at pretending to care about these things. "And good would be?"

"Strong character development, true wickedness, not turning her into a sexy dominatrix – the temptress can be the villain but the blonde virgin never is. Oh, motive other than a man or revenge. Revenge is a great motive that I respect deeply, but women only get revenge or do what a man says or are _forced_ to be evil or, usually, they're just insane. No motive would be nice. Essentially, I'd love fair treatment in horror films but I am truly disappointed by the lack of female slashers."

"That's horrifying." Ty Lee attempts to blow bubbles and fails. She stabs the wand into the bottle and sighs. "I'm writing it about unfair beauty standards."

"You love unfair beauty standards," Azula mockingly protests.

Ty Lee tries to blow bubbles and again just gets saliva all over her mouth. "I know, but I want a good grade. How'd you think of that horrifying thesis?"

"Have you ever seen _Heavenly Creatures_?"

"Nope." Ty Lee smiles.

"I was watching it and the idea occurred to me." Azula belatedly realizes what she has done. No, oh, God, no.

"We should watch it," Ty Lee says. Anything to not have to talk about Azula's date with Hahn.

"No-no we-we really shouldn't." Azula blushes. Ty Lee did not know that could _happen_. Azula _tongue-tied_ is a very unnerving sight.

"Okay," Ty Lee brightly agrees. Then Ty Lee squints. "There's smoke out there."

Azula leans against the roof. She thinks the crisis may have been averted; she hopes she will not have to watch a movie about two best friends having lesbian sex and killing one of their mothers with _Ty Lee_ today. "Wildfire, probably. Or a barbeque that's going poorly."

"Do you remember when we went to Yellowstone before Freshman Year?" Ty Lee asks, setting down the useless bubble bottle and wiping her hand on her jeans. "And we got to watch a forest fire? And Mai said it was boring, and I was like really worried it would kill us, but you made us watch until your grandparents picked us up?"

Azula smirks and corrects, "That was Crater Lake."

"Oh, it doesn't matter. But I feel like that sometimes when stuff happens and I realize we're getting old and stuff. Like we're watching that forest fire."

"That's the most poetic thing you have ever said, or probably will ever say." The discomfort between them is alien, so Azula hastily tries to correct it. "I've watched four forest fires in my life."

Ty Lee bursts into laughter. "You're _sixteen_! Are you sure you didn't start any of those?"

"If I did I wouldn't tell you." Azula smirks.

Ty Lee scrunches up her nose and then remarks, "Not as good as the summer with the bear attack."

Azula shakes her head. "The flipped car was better than that and you know it."

"Hmmm. Yeah. I can't top the flipped car. God, Yellowstone is dangerous."

"But a good place to hide a dead body. Just drop it in a geyser and they'll be none the wiser."

"Remind me to _never_ get on your bad side."

Azula just laughs.

* * *

 **Chapter Four:** Red

* * *

To Mai's relief, Bunny does not get a chance to force her to play paper dolls before Ty Lee tucks her in and she falls asleep for the night.

Now, Mai Shinohai is kneeling in front of Azula's coffee table, flipping through the stack of sentimental things from Ty Lee's apartment. The only interesting objects are a folder filled with family recipes from the 1920's – 1950's and the five scrapbooks her mother gave her for her birthday three years ago. The scrapbooks are hysterical; _Mai_ struggles to keep a straight face.

There is, much to her chagrin, nothing from Ty Lee's missing years. There are three from her early childhood and two from high school.

The first high school one had the Yellowstone picture, but the second is the one Mai enjoys.

"I have some bad news about Ty Lee and your daughter. I thought you should know before you make your decision on if they can get married yet."

"Not your decision!" shouts Azula from the other room. "I have decided! I am the decider and I have decided that she will marry me!"

"So, this adorable album is from before Azula dated Ty Lee. She's so cute, isn't she? All dressed up like a little Bond villain and making arts and crafts…" Mai then picks up the other to a page she has her thumb resting in. "Now she's a Bond _girl_. Look at that. That's from when she used to make out with Ty Lee under the bleachers."

"I didn't want to know that and why did I ever let her go to school looking like that?"

"Oh, you didn't. She changed every morning before school started after we'd already gotten dropped off," Mai says. There is startling silence from the other side of the penthouse.

Ozai is at a loss for words, so he tries to be polite. "She looks very tasteful and lovely in red lipstick and wearing heels with her—what is that shirt?"

Azula does not even have to see the pictures to screech, "It's a cardigan! I'm dressed business casual!"

"If you're a call girl, yes," Mai comments.

Her husband attempts to disagree with, "But a very classy call girl for politicians and movie stars."

And Ty Lee shouts, "Thank you! I thought she looked good like that!"

Azula decides the answer to the ensuing silence is wine. She produces a bottle worthy of her father and Ty Lee hands her the cups.

Perhaps tonight can be salvaged.

"These are not wine glasses," Mai says as she watches Azula pour fine wine into blue Solo cups. It does not seem like something Azula would do.

"I only use plastic plates, cups and cutlery," Azula says in a startlingly matter-of-fact manner.

Mai stares at her briefly before asking, "Are you secretly a Captain Planet villain in your spare time?"

"If you love the environment so damned much, then you are free to do my dishes every night," Azula coldly says. Mai has no desire to push the argument; to be honest, she does not care.

"So," asks Ozai as Azula and Ty Lee sit across from their uninvited guests. "You never told me how you two went from neighbors to dating. I never cared enough to ask, because she appeared at the time to be a short fling, but apparently you two are getting married now. Now seems appropriate, however, to hear this… love story that resulted in my daughter wearing her skirt like that."

Azula clasps her hands on her lap and begins to launch into the lie she already made up, but Mai smirks. Azula's confident expression disappears instantaneously.

"Oh, she's going to lie to you," Mai says. "I'll tell you the real story of how they figured out they were in love or whatever. They had a mutual crush since they were nine, but they were in denial so they never acted on it.

"Then they decided to seduce our junior year history teacher. They discussed this threesome for quite a while, before Azula awkwardly brought up – during a sleepover with me; she was texting Ty Lee – that they would have to touch each other and asked if Ty Lee would be okay with that. I'm not really sure why that worked, but Ty Lee was apparently too enthusiastic about her response. Then they went on a date and it was young love."

Mai finishes with a toast in Azula's direction with her blue Solo cup. It is not the classiest thing she has ever done.

Ozai can only say, "I think I would have preferred to hear the lie."

Mai, undeterred, smirks and suggests, "They should invite him to their wedding."

"He works as some kind of scientist off the coast of Seattle now," Azula says after a brief moment's thought. The tension the Mai sparked in the room at last fades away.

Her father inquires, "Why do you know that?"

"He works for me." Azula cocks an eyebrow.

Ty Lee gasps. "Dr. Kazou works for you?"

"Yes." She then shifts her gaze to her father. "Don't worry, I didn't hire him; I'm just aware of it," Azula says, shrugging.

"Azula, you're all being sarcastic about how you began dating your future wife, I imagine," Ozai says, uncertain if he can force himself to drink out of a blue plastic cup and more uncertain about if this surprise visit was a good idea.

"No sarcasm," Azula admits. "That's a very good summary of how it happened. If it helps, I only pretended to be interested in him so that I could destroy her. He liked me better because I actually did my schoolwork and he directed the school plays. I used to go to him with my thesis papers and he would tell me how impressive I was. Then I would tell her about it."

Mai narrows her eyes and asks, "Have you only shown romantic interest to destroy others?"

"Define romantic," Azula curtly replies.

Ozai says, "This conversation is over," in that tone that always makes everyone obey him.

It is the most uncomfortable silence Azula Shinohai has ever experienced.

"I know you're trying to be all serious but," and Ty Lee thrusts her phone into Azula's line of sight, "look a baby is playing with puppies!"

"Let's all watch the baby play with puppies," Mai suggests, and she has never had a better idea.

[X]

Azula has never been more grateful to lie down in silence. Oh, wait, her soon-to-be wife joins her and seems to have a lot to say. Marvelous.

"I had this thought tonight," Ty Lee says as she lies down and sets her cold feet right on Azula's legs. "Why didn't you tell me Mai was your stepmother?"

Azula blanches. She had hoped Ty Lee would never ask that question.

"We weren't together long enough," Azula lies.

"We were together for a year before I went to Christmas," Ty Lee says, narrowing her eyes.

"I forgot." That is a significantly worse attempt.

Ty Lee slowly snarls, "You forgot?"

"Yes," says Azula.

" _Azula_ ," Ty Lee hisses.

She surrenders with honor and what is left of her dignity. "Fine. I was hiding you from my father and I knew that if you knew about Mai, you would want to see her, and then I'd be screwed. I did forget to tell you before Christmas, though."

"Why did you even hide me? Why did you hide our engagement? Why are you so ashamed of us and love and marrying me?" Ty Lee asks hoarsely.

Azula turns to her fiancée and looks her straight in her sparkling eyes. God, she has gorgeous eyes. Azula never quite understood 'doe-eyed' until she saw it. She missed a lot of what makes Ty Lee beautiful when she was in high school.

All she wanted then was the chase.

Now she wants to keep her prize forever.

"Listen to me, Ty Lee," Azula says after taking a deep breath. "I was trying to protect us both. You should know that my family is going to torment you before we get married. I know my parents are horribly divorced, but my family takes marriage very seriously. My grandmother literally chained herself to things in protests; my grandfather sold nuke the whales magnets. My grandmother gives preachy speeches about how she fought against a credit card company for demanding her dad or husband to give a signature; my grandfather rants about women these days not being subservient enough."

"Opposites attract?" Ty Lee smiles at the potentially sweet love story.

"No. They hooked up at a Halloween party and she got pregnant so they married at eighteen."

Ty Lee's smile vanishes. "That's…"

"They have been married for over fifty years. Mai and my father flipped a goddamned coin to decide if they should get married and have been together for six years. My parents hated each other forever but they stayed married until she left him for my uncle after they had a four-year affair, because if you haven't noticed my _family has a horrifying track record of eternal marriages_."

"That's…"

"That's why they all are concerned. You have a child, when we were young you and I were hot and cold—"

"We aren't having a shotgun wedding, at least!" Ty Lee exclaims.

"They think you're flaky and I'm making a horrible mistake. Except my grandmother and uncle. But my grandmother just wants a gay marriage in the tabloids and my uncle loves weddings," Azula explains. She looks genuinely bitter and angry about her family. Ty Lee has never seen her like that.

"Do you think you're making a horrible mistake?" Ty Lee asks and Azula blinks three times fast.

Aghast, she replies, "Of course not. I never make mistakes."

"Then why do you care if your family thinks you are? Stand up to them and tell them that you're doing this and you accept the consequences if I do something awful."

"That's… wise. Don't say smart things; it's unnerving," Azula says and Ty Lee rolls her eyes.

Azula just smirks and closes her eyes.

She is quite glad she has a deceptively clever fiancée.

Ty Lee might just survive Shinohai Family.

* * *

 ** _AN:_** _So, I've gotten some questions about the time period of this story. To be honest, the prequel takes place in 2012 and the sequel takes place in 2016. Which, while I am a college dropout, I do know I absolutely not a ten-year difference, but I kind of want this to age decently and not do as much guesswork (past or future) so I'm going to pretend that it has been a decade since 2012._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:** Pretty Pretty Princess

* * *

"So help me, Ty Lee; if you sing 'California Gurls' one more time, I will seal your lips together with this hot glue gun," orders Azula Shinohai, brandishing dangerous craft supplies.

She, Ty Lee and Mai are in their sculpture class at school, and, out of all ten kids in the class, today is Ty Lee's turn to bring the music. It has been interesting, to say the least.

Azula expected Katy Perry; she did not expect "Ice Ice Baby." On one hand, she does not mind much as she works on her cerulean duct tape dress, but, on the other hand, she only has so much patience for Ty Lee's awful singing voice.

"Fine," Ty Lee agrees with a sigh worthy of Mai. After a few seconds of boredom, she has a thought. "Oh, Mai! Come see Azula's superpower!"

Azula knows what Ty Lee means. She glances at the hot glue gun in her hand and realizes what she is about to do. Mai looks up, along with the three other students in the class.

As they watch, Azula squirts hot glue all along the back of her hand without wincing. It does not even feel hot to her, as she learned during the countless times she spilled it on herself.

"See! She can put hot glue on herself!" Ty Lee gushes, her eyes bright.

Mai pauses for a moment before remarking, "Well, I guess Azula is the most pathetic X-Men I have ever seen."

"It's really cool!" Ty Lee fiercely protests.

Azula pokes at the dried glue on her skin.

It is not very cool once it cools.

[X]

The three girls are bored at a weekend sleepover. Ty Lee tries to convince Mai to seduce Zuko, but Azula does not even have to say a word to establish the fact that that is absolutely not allowed. They wind up in Azula's basement, digging through weird dress-up, movies and games that they forgot about long ago.

Ty Lee shrieks excitedly and holds up an old board game. Azula remembers loving it as a child, but she refuses to look ridiculous by admitting that. Mai can tell by the box art that she will despise every second of playing it.

"It's Pretty Pretty Princess!" Ty Lee chimes, her eyes shut and her smile wide. "I play this with the kids I babysit."

"How do you play?" Mai coldly asks, her arms crossed.

"Are we entertaining this?" Azula inquires, glancing between her two best friends.

"How do you play?" Mai repeats, her eyes boring into Ty Lee's soul.

Ty Lee has to think for a moment before announcing, "You spin the spinner, and you try to collect all the jewelry of the same color and that crown and stuff and then you win. Oh, and put down that black ring, if you're holding it when the game ends you lose."

Okay, Ty Lee might not know how to play the game. She and the kids always just put the jewelry on and act out faerie tales.

"Doesn't the game end when someone wins?" Azula inquires and Ty Lee shrugs, nearly dropping the box. The jewelry inside loudly rattles.

"I don't know," Ty Lee slowly says, narrowing her eyes as she mulls it over.

Once they get up to Azula's room, Mai takes it upon herself to enter Azula's closet and get _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ going while Ty Lee still pushes playing Pretty Pretty Princess. Azula will resist until she dies, no matter how much she secretly wants to play.

"This is not happening," Azula finally says.

Ty Lee sighs, defeated at last. "I'm just gonna put on the jewelry."

She drapes colorful fake gems over herself and toys with the crown as Mai tries to figure out how to turn on this movie. It should be much simpler than Azula's entertainment system insists it should be.

Ty Lee waits for Azula to become absorbed in what she is doing before putting the crown on her head. Azula flinches and it almost falls off; she steadies it with one hand.

"Did I win?" Azula purrs.

"Of course," Ty Lee chirps, a semi-seductive smile slipping onto her lips. "You would've definitely won if we played."

Mai sticks her tongue out behind their backs. Ick.

"Do you have a ring for me too?" Azula inquires and Mai freezes with her finger on the play button.

Is this happening? Are they actually at last going to come clean about their feelings for each other? She never thought she would see the day.

"Yes. I have a bunch of rings for you," Ty Lee says. Her heart races as she slides one onto Azula's finger. Ty Lee tosses one of them aside and tries to think of something to say to detract attention from that very romantic move. "Mai can have the black one. She loses."

Azula examines the plastic ring on her finger and feels a sensation that she despises. It hurts her stomach and makes her heart race.

When she looks up, Ty Lee focuses on furiously skipping the previews of the DVD.

Azula cannot possibly tell if Ty Lee meant that in a romantic way or not.

They do keep making _those eyes_ at each other for the rest of the night.

* * *

 **Chapter Five:** Deplorable is a Synonym for Ingenious

* * *

In the morning, Ty Lee cannot stop thinking about her wedding.

Mainly, she obsesses over the bitter fact that she is completely unprepared for it, and she and Azula have not even discussed a rough idea of _when_ it will happen, much less thought about themes or cakes or invitations.

She did not know how to start that conversation properly. When she tried to suggest that discussion before, Azula was too busy hiding her altogether from her family to take a wedding seriously. Now that it is out in the open, however, they really _should_ be putting more effort into the occasion.

It is while she is trapped in those thoughts that she answers a call.

Azula walks in halfway through, demanding, "Who are you talking to?" as she leans over the edge of her pristine cerulean sofa.

"Zuko!" Ty Lee cheerily admits, as if that is not an act of high treason. " _He_ Facetimed _me_."

Azula narrows her eyes at the iPad. "What's wrong with your hair? You look Kylo Ren."

"I look amazing and that was uncalled for," Zuko grunts. She haughtily shrugs.

"Did you do it for your girlfriend?" she mocks with a smug smirk.

"No," Zuko replies, his tone even _more_ brusque. "I did it because I think I look fantastic with long hair."

"Yes, in order to mask your hideous face." Azula sits on the back of the sofa to get a better view. "Clever boy, ZuZu."

"Please shut up." Zuko turns his attention away from her. "Ty Lee, I was _trying_ to tell you a secret."

"Why would you tell _her_ a secret?" Azula incredulously asks, touching two fingers to her lips. "She has some kind of _disease_ that makes her tell everyone."

"That's exactly why I'm telling her. I thought about doing it through text, but last time I broke important news through a text my fiancée married my father, so I mean…"

"What is it?" Ty Lee eagerly asks.

"His girlfriend is pregnant," Azula says and Zuko narrows his eyes.

"Who told you that?" Zuko shouts. The speakers of Ty Lee's iPad make an angry screeching sound.

"You did. Just now. It was a wild guess." Azula shakes her head at him.

Zuko grimaces. "I don't even want to tell you people, but mother and uncle say—"

"You know you don't have to listen to them anymore. You are a grown man," Azula says.

"You are a grown woman," Zuko retorts. "Father invited himself into your home to criticize your relationship and you haven't protested at all. Look who's calling the kettle black."

"That's racist," Ty Lee whispers.

Azula sighs. "So, you told Ty Lee, knowing she would tell everyone you are too afraid to tell on your own. That _is_ one of the smartest things you have ever done. Also one of the most cowardly, but I don't blame you. Have you told grandfather yet, that you're having a child out of wedlock?"

"Don't tell him." Zuko has been wracked with indecision for two days, and he thinks he has changed his mind about this too late.

"Oh, I will. I'm going to tell him when he calls to thank me for my kind greeting card celebrating… I don't know, some vague holiday. I've set up two years of highly personalized and thoughtful ecards that will send automatically to people I see fit to impress for the next two years. Grandfather loves them." Azula smirks smugly at her own brilliance. Zuko and Ty Lee feel sickened by that expression.

Zuko is about to argue about his future child when he realizes what his sister just said. "So, wait, you have convinced people that you're a kind, thoughtful person who remembers their birthdays and sends them nice cards but you really have it set up to automatically send at intervals you decided probably several months ago."

"Good job repeating back what I just said," Azula mocks, making Ty Lee squirm. "Perhaps your child will be part parrot. You could put him in the zoo."

Zuko grits his teeth. "That is deplorable. No—not the parrot comment, but that too—I mean the feigning love and interest in others for your own personal gain."

"Deplorable is just a synonym for ingenious," Azula purrs.

Zuko does not have the energy to continue arguing. "No, no it's not. Goodbye, Ty Lee. Don't tell anyone about Katara."

"Oh, I won't!" Ty Lee blithely lies. She beams at her fiancée.

Azula cocks an eyebrow as Zuko hangs up.

"You will tell everyone about Katara, won't you?" Azula asks and Ty Lee giggles.

She is already taking out her phone to start texting. Azula kisses her on the forehead, and it is not the first time that has happened upside down.

"It's so exciting. Baby, wedding, baby, wedding!" Ty Lee's eyes light up like a kid in a candy shop.

"The catfights will be thrilling," Azula sarcastically remarks.

Ty Lee giggles again. "If Zuko marries Katara, I think you might give him and your dad's fights a run for their money. She _hates_ you."

"And I hate her." Azula suddenly realizes that Katara is now permanently a part of her life. It makes her want to jump off of her balcony into the busy street several stories below. "It is the beginning of a beautiful rivalry. I imagine, however, that she considers marriage to be modern day slavery and will just date my brother for decades."

"I think she's sweet," Ty Lee lies again.

"She is _absolutely_ not," Azula insists before going to locate a cup of coffee.

[X]

Over coffee, Mai reminisces with Azula, which she never thought she would do. Ty Lee being around feels strange, and as Mai watches television and Azula pretends to be working on her laptop, their conversation drifts through old, half-remembered stories.

"You're on Amazon, aren't you?" Mai says, leaning to her side to peer at Azula's computer screen.

Yes, she is. She seems to be truly contemplating purchasing an old board game that she did not remember until mere minutes ago.

"It's only a hundred dollars," Azula remarks, hovering the mouse pointer over the _purchase_ option.

Mai feels the strong urge to stop her. "You're not going to buy that."

"I just did." Pause. "What? I have a daughter. It's justifiable."

"Azula."

Haughtily, Azula taunts, "Are you suggesting that my little girl does not deserve to be a pretty, pretty princess?"

"Azula."

"At least I don't have two grandchildren at twenty-six," Azula snaps, and leans back, startled by Mai's response. It did not take long for that comment to register as odd.

"I—what do you mean _two_? I get Bunny; you can't stop calling her your own kid. But—Ty Lee's not—you're not? You're— _Zuko_. Of course, Zuko." Mai swallows her scream of disgust. She has to remind herself to remain calm.

Azula smirks. "I have never seen you flustered before. It entertains me."

"Is he seriously having a kid with that awful hippie?" Mai asks, keeping her tone even despite the way her hear traces.

"Yes. He knocked her up. Zuko told me and Ty Lee this morning."

"He told _Ty Lee_?" Mai cannot help but look quizzical. In her defense, it is a very toned down version of her confusion.

"Oh, yes. I imagine she has already told half of New York." Azula loves this. She loves it so much.

"What do—" Mai begins but:

"What is _this_?" interrupts Ozai, who has entered the room with flawless timing.

Azula has never had to fight back a smirk so fiercely. "What is what?"

"This magazine." He tosses it at the coffee table and somehow manages to avoid missing.

"Do you mean the part with me holding Bunny or the part with Zuko's rumored knocking-up-of-Katara? I mean, one of those seems more scandalous than the other." Azula pauses; he is too angry, which means it is the part about Zuko. "I imagine I'll be asked to do interviews soon. I haven't told Ty Lee, since she has never been able to recall the cardinal rules of inter—"

"Your brother did not do what he did."

"I am afraid that I am the bearer of bad news. He did. He told—"

"Her and Ty Lee first," Mai interrupts. "I'm assuming he told Ty Lee so he wouldn't have to tell anyone else."

"Oh, look, my juice-stained outfit is well-received." Azula points at a featured picture within the thin, glossy magazine.

"Oh, look, your brother has no shame," father growls. "Or too much shame. I don't know. Whichever one of those that makes him comfortable with flaunting his pregnant hippie girlfriend."

"He is such a disappointment," Azula purrs, slowly shaking her head. Pausing, she returns her gaze to the page she has open. "I actually put on three coats of nail polish, not two. They are so mistaken about our family."

"You should confront him about it," Mai says with a sparkle in her eyes. "Openly. So that I can easily watch."

"Do you think he managed to tell his mother?" asks Ozai.

"Probably not," Azula replies. "I doubt she would take it very well. Judging by how well you are taking it, father."

"I am calling him." He discards his coat on a chair and walks to the balcony. Zuko is in water hotter than Old Faithful on a hundred-degree day.

"What are the cardinal rules of what?" Mai asks as she cranes her neck and wonders how close she can get without anyone noticing.

"The cardinal rules of interviews. If you don't have to answer a question; deflect it. If you have to answer a question; lie about it. Ty Lee does not do very well at interviews, despite being such a pretty little social butterfly."

Mai does not have a response to that, so she walks off to open a nearby window and listen in.

Azula stares after her and wonders when her life became so bizarre.

It always has been, she decides.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:** The Danger Zone Shoes

* * *

In the high school hallway, Ty Lee's lips break free of her boyfriend's.

With an apologetic expression, he hastily says, "I've gotta go," and slings his backpack over his shoulder. He disappears down the cold hall and Ty Lee turns to face her locker.

She smashes her face against the metal three times, hard enough to make her head spin. Making out with Haru did not help _anything_. She had such high hopes, and now they are crushed.

Mai arrives in time to witness Ty Lee hissing at her reflection in the locker mirror. Now, Mai has seen Ty Lee do stranger things than that, but she cannot help but be curious about the source of her friend's frustration.

"Why are you doing that?" Mai coldly asks, dropping her backpack. _Thud_.

The intelligent and apathetic part of her wants to avoid getting tangled up in whatever trivial trouble Ty Lee is moping about, but the sadistic side of her desperately wants to know. Perhaps the _friend_ part of her too, but Mai tends to dismiss that portion of her personality.

Mai does not even have to ask, because Ty Lee takes a deep breath and stares directly into her amber eyes.

"I can't look at Azula today," cries Ty Lee. She grabs Mai by the wrists. "Help me to not look at Azula. _Please_."

"I've never seen a day pass when you haven't gazed at her longingly," Mai says, uncertain how the tides could turn so suddenly.

Ty Lee blushes pinker than her hair ribbon. "I had _such_ an uncomfortable night. I woke up at like three from this sex nightmare—"

Mai actually laughs. Ty Lee scowls at her. Of _all_ the things for Mai let herself laugh about, it has to be something that is _so super serious_.

"What's a sex nightmare?" she asks, setting her book back in her locker and leaning against it.

"It's a sex _nightmare_ when it's about Azula Shinohai," Ty Lee whispers.

Mai shrugs. "Understandable. Continue."

"That's the whole story." Ty Lee turns her palms up. "Well, I guess in the nightmare there was a lightning storm, and she had nothing on and—"

"Okay. Good story. Please don't tell it again," Mai hurriedly declares.

"You are so unsympathetic!" Ty Lee wails and two seniors turn to stare. Mai stares back and they swiftly look away.

"Thank you. I try." Mai grabs her textbook and sighs.

Ty Lee sticks her tongue at out Mai and vanishes down the hall… before walking backwards to pick up her bag. Once she has her backpack, she bolts with her cheeks on fire.

Mai never tires of Azula and Ty Lee. They might never act on their mutual feelings and keep this madness going for years. Could Mai tell them both that it is mutual? Yes. Will she? No way in Hell.

Azula arrives mere moments after Ty Lee fled.

She is wearing her _danger zone_ shoes. The crumpled cardigan and skirt with the paint stain on it are omens on their own, but it is the shoes that stomp the nail into the coffin.

This is not a day to even make eye contact with Azula Shinohai.

Therefore, Mai wishes she were violently ill in bed at home right now. She has only two friends in her pointless life and today one is amped and terrified, while the other is moments away from turning Los Angeles into Pompeii.

"Stop staring at my shoes," Azula snaps. "I know they are hideous, like you and your soul and everyone you ever loved."

"Yeah. You're right." Mai is not touching the _danger zone_ shoes with a ten-foot pole.

Ty Lee would do something bubbly and cute to distract Azula, or maybe she would be optimistic enough to ask her about her problems. Mai will fade into the walls until the day ends so she can leave this glorified ivy league preschool and take a nap.

Coldly, Azula says, "Where's Ty Lee? Why is she not waiting for me? Does she have no respect for the friendship I have gifted her? I mean, I am far too good for her and we are astronomically out of her league." Pause. "I asked you a question."

"She kis—she ran off because she had a nightmare." Mai sincerely wishes she had not even started to mention Haru.

Azula does not seem to notice. She must be too absorbed in herself.

"I will see you in class," she says in the most ominous way a person could say those six words.

Mai sighs.

[X]

Azula tries to hold it together today.

She _does_. Her artificial sugar is sweeter than pie, but her true attitude is sourer than lemon juice. It takes highly trained poise to remain utterly perfect for seven hours when she wants to curl up and cry or perhaps shove unpleasant people out of third floor windows.

She almost makes it through the day before she takes a dive down the spiral staircase and douses herself in Monster. It smells like candy vomited all over her, and her white shirt is drenched, revealing a blood red lace bra.

The stunned Azula Shinohai just lies there for a moment, staring at the ceiling and coaching herself in her head.

 _You are the master of your fate. You will not let anything best you, especially not stairs or whatever else life throws at her. You will not let your thoughts control you._

 _You will not be offended when your best friend sees you lying there and runs in the opposite direction._

"Here," says some freshman girl, extending a hand.

Azula must have heard her name a few times in such a small school, but she never bothered to remember it. Yet, this _nobody_ with poorly kept hair took time out of her day to help Azula clean herself up, and ran to the uniform exchange to steal her a new shirt and sweater, and told her extremely boring things about her life that she did not listen to.

All of that is _Ty Lee's job_.

[X]

Azula vanishes; Mai and Ty Lee are grateful. The two girls spend their afternoon on the lower school playground. They are alone save for some kids playing overly enthusiastic soccer on the nearby field.

Mai stands on the merry-go-round because she likes to live dangerously, and Ty Lee rocks back and forth on a swing. It is quite frightening to see Ty Lee looking so _down_. Mai should do something about it, but she will not.

"Can she read my mind?" Ty Lee asks, wringing her braid.

Mai tiredly replies, "Can we not talk about Azula for the first time in our lives?"

Ty Lee ignores her. "She's so pissed at me."

"Yeah. Because you ran off on her while she was wearing her danger zone shoes. She's probably really sad about it, or really angry, or both or something. You hurt her and she doesn't have her metaphorical bitch armor on today."

"I was just scared of taking her clothes off!" Ty Lee shrieks.

Mai sighs again. "You're pathetic."

Ty Lee breathes, "I know."

"Do you want me to make you a screwdriver or two when we get home?" Mai very kindly offers.

"Hot chocolate?" Ty Lee hopefully whispers.

"Yeah, no." Mai kicks off on the merry-go-round and lets herself spin.

[X]

Ty Lee does not think spying on Azula is weird. Azula was hurt and angry about today that Ty Lee is just being a good friend by watching from her window while half-hidden behind her pink curtains.

There is nothing wrong with making sure your best friend is okay, right?

When Azula finally enters her bedroom, Ty Lee can already see that she is not herself, or maybe is her true self under the perpetual mask of perfection. Slowly, Azula walks towards her dresser and stands there, very still, her hair down, masking her expression. It feels like the entire world has held its breath.

Then Azula seizes her lamp and throws it at the wall with an impressive velocity. The crash and shock make Ty Lee slip forward, forward, forward and now she is the crashing sound.

The pain when she hits the ground is indescribable.

Azula hears the screaming and forces her window open. She looks down and sees that horrible traitor half-mangled on her lawn. Azula decides to ignore it until she notices the blood. _Sigh_. Now she _has_ to do something about it.

She walks down her gaudy spiral stairs and walks outside, climbs over Ty Lee's fence, and looms over her friend's body.

"You look… fine," Azula lies. She probably could have thought of something better.

"I'm not fine," Ty Lee squeaks. Tears roll down her flushed cheeks.

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" Please say no, please say no.

"Yeah. Probably. Are you gonna call an ambulance because I would be way too embarrassed —"

"No. I'm going to call my brother. I will be back," Azula bitterly says, as if saving Ty Lee's life is an incredible inconvenience.

To Azula, it is.

She abandons Ty Lee and clambers up the fence again. She walks leisurely through the endless mansion and arrives at the eighth bedroom – the furthest from her father's – to witness Zuko watching Netflix, as he always is. Maybe she should get suspended from school; it seems pleasant.

"What?" Zuko groans, looking up from his apparently very riveting martial arts movie.

"You need to drive Ty Lee to the hospital." Azula shrugs one shoulder. Zuko glowers.

"I'm not allowed to drive," he says. "Father loves his cars much more than he loves me, and I am not to touch anything that isn't necessary to my survival."

"Necessary to your survival, you say?" Azula says and Zuko's skin prickles. "I will murder you, and there will be no consequences, so do not take that threat lightly."

Zuko sees the panic on her face and sighs. He has never seen his sister look like that before, which means it probably is not an empty threat.

He groans and agrees, "I'll drive your girlfriend to the hospital."

"She's not my girlfriend," viciously snaps his little sister.

"Of course." Zuko rolls his eyes, gets up and finds his jacket.

[X]

Once Zuko gets Ty Lee over his shoulder and Azula opens all doors and gates, they see Mai waiting, seated on the shimmering black hood of a car Zuko is _definitely_ not permitted to drive. He nearly drops Ty Lee when he accidentally meets her gaze.

"What do you need?" Azula snaps, yanking open the door of the car.

Mai hops down from her perch. "A part in this."

"Get in," Zuko grunts before turning to Ty Lee. "Don't get blood in the car."

"Seriously?" Mai demands, almost driven to laughter. "Just shut up and drive to the hospital."

They make it inside, but definitely not as quickly as empathetic human beings would.

As for Mai and Zuko, Ty Lee wishes she were lucid enough to prevent the destruction of her matchmaking progress. She would kind of rather stay alive than get them to kiss, but it is still _tragic_.

As soon as Zuko starts driving, his palms too coated in nervous sweat to stay properly on the wheel, Mai turns to Ty Lee.

"So, how'd you fall out of your window?" she asks, trying to attract Azula's attention by staring at her. It does not work.

"I, uh, saw a spider," Ty Lee chirps, nervously glancing at the back of the passenger seat. Azula seems to still be livid about Ty Lee abandoning her today, and therefore ignores both of her best friends. _Former_ best friends.

"You saw a spider… outside… on the second story of your house…" Mai drawls, waiting for Azula to catch on. _Please_ ; the girl can read strangers like books but she doesn't get this?

"Yeah. I _did_." Ty Lee blushes and tries not to look at the girl she was spying on.

Mai again glances at Azula and decides that Miss Shinohai has reached a new level of oblivious.

* * *

 **Chapter Six:** The Wedding Dress Day

* * *

The inhabitants of Azula's apartment stand in the unused kitchen around the glistening island. Ty Lee thumbs through the tabloid of terror as Azula and her father hold some sort of _war meeting_. Mai leans back and watches from afar; no one will involve her.

Ty Lee breaks the silence with, "Oh! I read in this magazine about Zuko knocking his hippie girlfriend up that a good wedding idea is to have mismatched plates and silverware but make them all cohesive. I like it. Do you like it, Azula?"

"I don't care." Azula crosses her arms, her smoldering eyes locked on her father. "I have just realized that Zuko is obsessed with being honorable – and therefore will be a permanent failure – and that _repulsive_ woman will be trapped in our family forever. Now, he has never had a tolerable girlfriend before in his life, but she is by far the worst."

"Your fiancée was his girlfriend," Mai casually points out.

"So were you," Azula snaps, "and I entirely stand by that statement. She is, however, one of the most despicable people I have ever met and I could barely handle a single holiday with her, much less infinite holidays."

"Are you gonna uninvite her from our wedding?" Ty Lee inquires.

"She was never invited in the first place," growls Azula Shinohai.

Ty Lee, oblivious as ever, says, "But we agreed people could bring dates, and if Zuko is dating her then—"

Azula turns around so quickly that she gives herself whiplash. "Then we will uninvite Zuko. And also my mother and all of your family while we're at it. We haven't even started on invitations yet so it should be easy."

Mai mockingly raises her hand. "Can I uninvite myself?"

"You can decline when I send you an invitation," says Azula through her bared teeth.

"Yeah, but, you could just not send me one," Mai offers. It feels like wearing a dress made of meat inside of a tiger cage.

"Why don't you want to come?" Ty Lee wails.

Mai explains, "I'm not coming if your mother and Zuko and Ty Lee's sisters aren't. I hate weddings, unless they're guaranteed to have gruesome catfights and more gruesome father-son fistfights."

Ty Lee shrieks, "No one is fistfighting or catfighting at my wedding!"

"I think we have forgotten our conversation," Azula crisply declares. "What do we do about Zuko's tragic sin? Do we disown him? I suggest disowning him and filing a restraining order. A three-thousand-mile one, if that's a legal option."

Ozai speaks for the first time since he threw that magazine onto his daughter's coffee table. "I would do both of those things if my father were dead and already gave me all of his money. Hopefully, this will go so horrifically wrong that your grandfather will disown him for us."

Azula's eyebrow twitches and she seizes Ty Lee by the arm. "I am going outside. Ty Lee, come to the balcony and split a cigarette with me while we try to figure out what to do about Zuko's plus two."

"Well, I really… okay, stop pulling on me, I'm coming!" Ty Lee stumbles after her fiancée.

Mai gazes after them before looking up at Ozai. "I don't want to say this about your children, but I think they might be in love with each other."

He does not have the energy to think about that, thank God. He just remarks, "Well, if you can prove it, my father will probably write them both out of the will."

[X]

In order to avoid further mention of Zuko, Ty Lee plans wedding dress shopping. Mai is given an imposition and does not have the energy to resist.

On that very special and torturous day, Mai wakes and enters the living room. Azula somberly watches television with her hair soaking and down over her shoulders. The only sound in the apartment is the voice of Gordon Ramsay and superfluous sobbing.

"What show?" Mai bluntly asks, seeking the coffee pot.

" _Hotel Hell_ ," Azula replies. "I'm almost done, anyway. We're about to get to the part when he makes everything better and everyone is happy."

"So, why do you watch the show?" Mai does the same, but feigning interest in Azula is always a wise move.

"Oh, I just like to watch people's dreams be crushed." Well, that is why Mai watches too. "It is satisfying in ways you cannot understand."

Mai does not point out that she can and instead says the first comment that comes to mind. "You should buy a hotel."

"My family has a hotel chain already. It's boring." Azula pointedly yawns.

"Not the Brimstone." Mai finishes pouring her coffee and walks to stand a few feet away from the sitting room furniture.

Azula airily retorts, "That doesn't count. It's not really a hotel. It's a resort and casino."

"With guests, and rooms, and other hotel bullshit," Mai mutters to herself.

Azula overhears. " _Mai_ , God willing, I shall own the Brimstone one day, and if you keep arguing with me, I will ban you from it _forever_."

Mai is about to say that she has not argued once this morning, but then she sees a dreadful sight. "I didn't notice you were wearing jeans. I… I'm not sure you should go wedding dress shopping today."

"What do jeans have to do with that?" snarls Azula.

"Nothing. Nothing at all…" Mai dares to sit down near stepdaughter.

Ty Lee's cat flees Azula's lap and goes to rub against Mai again.

"Sparkle, you damned traitor! You are going to be an outdoor cat now until you get hit by a car and burn in cat hell." Azula sits down very calmly after that confusing outburst and changes the channel on the television.

Mai scratches the cat's neck. Poor Sparkle; he has no idea about proper Azula-wearing-jeans protocol.

Ozai enters and comments fluidly, "Those jeans look lovely on you, princess."

"Why does everyone care about my clothing choices?" Azula softly says. The quieter she gets, the scarier she gets. "I have not criticized you for wearing a _suit_ at _five in the morning_ and I have not criticized you for wearing something that does not even qualify as clothing in my home, in front of my cat and my Bunny."

"No one is criticizing you," Ozai calmly says. "They look nice."

Mai is not so confident. "I broke my necklace. I can't go shopping with you.

Ozai suggests, for the sake of everyone in his family, "We both can watch Bunny."

Azula has never heard such an absurd idea. "No, father, you are watching Bunny and bonding with your future granddaughter, and, Mai, you are going to be a buffer between me and Ty Lee on this horrid day. Your necklace doesn't matter."

Mai swallows and manages to keep stoic, despite her internal terror. "No, it's the necklace that had a USB in it, but I ripped the USB out and…"

"You. Are. Coming," orders Azula.

The conversation ends when Ty Lee claps her hands, enters the living room and declares, "It's my wedding dress day! And no one will ruin it!"

[X]

Surprisingly, it is not Azula who destroys the shopping trip; Ty Lee ruins her own wedding dress day because she asks Mai why she has a salt shaker in her purse, which was apparently a devastating invasion of privacy. Things go downhill from there.

"You don't ask people why they have drugs with them while shopping for wedding dresses," Azula hisses as they exit the sixth boutique of the day. Perhaps she should have repaired Mai's necklace beforehand. "She's miserable enough doing this." Pause. "Almost as miserable as me."

"You get to try on dresses too! And I didn't know it was drugs!" Ty Lee shrilly complains, taking Azula by the hand.

Their wedding preparations are jumbled and have been fumbled through for the past months. Azula and Ty Lee decided to look at dresses before choosing a day. Or season. Or year. The guest list consists of three arguments about Ursa Shinohai and stops there. But dresses? Dresses cannot go wrong… or so they believed.

"Just don't do that kind of thing," Azula says, failing to pull her hand away from Ty Lee's vice grip.

"There are so many smarter places to put that anyway," Ty Lee complains. She knows she is in the right. She _knows it_. "Like I can't think of a place right now but there definitely have to be like ten."

"Please just walk silently to the next boutique," Azula exasperatedly demands. "We are not making adequate progress."

Ty Lee stops Azula in the middle of the sidewalk. She forces disgruntled pedestrians to walk around them as she says, "We _need_ to split up and find dresses separately, I keep saying. "This is such bad luck!"

Azula stares Ty Lee down, and Ty Lee averts her eyes first. All people do.

" _Please_ ," Azula says, "I think I broke a funhouse of mirrors in my sleep shortly before I came home from a hospital to find my girlfriend dating my brother."

"Did you really?" Ty Lee asks, perking up.

"Sometimes I worry about you," Azula whispers, and Ty Lee takes it as a compliment. Azula realizes she has to explain herself. "No, of course I didn't, and I will continue pretending to forgive you for the cruel act of kissing Zuko in front of me more than once without properly breaking up in the first place. Now before we have a _repeat_ of that incident, I would like to make our wedding planning slightly less maddening."

Ty Lee sighs and releases her Princess Charming.

"We should stick together," she admits. "We don't even know the color scheme or anything so we totally need to make sure the designs don't clash but fit us perfectly."

"Bad luck be damned?"

"Bad luck be damned."

[X]

Two boutiques later, Azula and her stepmother sit on stone steps. They both have lost count of both time and dresses, and demanded a break. Therefore, Ty Lee focuses on looking up somewhere to find lunch.

"I'm serious about those bridesmaid dresses. I will never wear that shade of purple," Mai insists, fanning her face with her hand. A New York winter is not enough to cool her down after a boutique that must double as a furnace.

"Mai," Azula scathingly orders, "just comply with the colors. It was a difficult enough battle to avoid a baby girl pink wedding. We settled on lavender, and I have seen you wear purple before."

"I didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up at all. Why don't you get your damned brother to be your Best Man like a normal person?"

"Not normal people who hate their brothers. Or don't have brothers." Azula glares.

"She's not going to decide today. No one is going to decide today. This will be a waste of time." Mai sighs. "Like all things in life."

Azula cannot argue with that.

[X]

Azula decides to try on dresses next. She abandons Ty Lee and Mai, and currently is terrifying a dressmaker. Mai shakes her head at the jeans and wonders why anyone let this excursion happen in the first place. Ty Lee examines a few of the display dresses before sitting down beside Mai yet again. Her soon to be mother-in-law looks bored and displeased, like an annoyed cat.

Ty Lee promises herself not to ever look through Mai's purse again.

She sits there playing with her phone. Mai does the same.

Ty Lee cannot stand the silence anymore, so she turns to her old best friend. "So, I guess we can talk about bridesmaid dresses and stuff, since you're totally going to be _something_ for Azula – I love you too but Azula needs you way more – and I am so torn between various shades of light purple."

"I already had this discussion with Azula an hour ago. I am not wearing lavender," Mai says. "I don't care if your wedding is lavender. It makes me queasy."

"Do you have a better suggestion?" Ty Lee says. "I want my wedding to be _light_ and _romantic_ like a daydream. Lavender is necessary. You may not wear a black bridesmaid dress."

Mai poses an excellent suggestion. "You could have a black and white wedding with accents of lavender."

"So my wedding could easily be mistaken for a funeral?" Ty Lee hisses, her eyes flashing viciously. The bridezilla in her roars, and she does not give a damn.

"No. I just would rather die than wear that color," Mai fearlessly replies.

"Then don't be in my wedding." Ty Lee returns her attention to her phone.

"It is also Azula's wedding, and she won't let me drop out of the wedding party. You go argue with Azula and her danger zone jeans. Go ahead." Mai won; she knows it.

Ty Lee looks up at Azula and her expression sours. She turns back to Mai. "Would you wear a darker purple?"

"Possibly." Mai sighs. "Can't I get away with wearing black and white if I'm Best Man? It's basically a girl-tux."

Ty Lee has no idea why Mai is so adamant about black and white. And so she cannot help but ask, "Did you have a black and white wedding?"

"Ty Lee, I eloped to Las Vegas after flipping a coin and went to a wedding chapel that had a misspelled sign declaring that it was open seven days a week until three AM. I didn't spend much time thinking about the color scheme in the roughly twelve hours between my engagement and marriage."

"I just can't imagine Azula's dad doing that." Ty Lee touches her fake nails to her coral lips.

"I have photos," Mai soberly states. "They offered them like the ones you get on roller coasters."

"Did you try ultra-hard to show no emotion in order to look like a badass like you do in roller coaster pictures?"

Mai shakes her head. "Unfortunately not."

Azula walks out of the dressing room before Ty Lee can question Mai further.

"You look like a princess!" Ty Lee squeals.

And Azula icily retorts, "I _always_ look like a princess, sweetheart."

Ty Lee is far too blinded by love and afraid of those temporarily discarded jeans to disagree.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:** Tartarus

* * *

"There is literally nothing in this world more boring than the ER," complains Mai. "TV lied to me."

She leans back in an uncomfortable chair and suppresses screaming. Zuko sits tensely, his thoughts solely on his father's car. Azula does not look up from her phone, save for a few glances at Ty Lee, who is knocked out on the hospital bed.

"I have to agree," Azula replies, lifting her gaze to glance at Ty Lee and ask of her two unhappy companions, "It was the morphine and not blood loss, right? Not that I care if she lives or not, but I think that paperwork I made Zuko sign makes this legally ambiguous."

Mai wants to smack Azula across the face. What she usually finds amusing has become torturous; Azula could not possibly be worse on crushing at someone. She should apply for the world record for the most oblivious person alive.

"I don't care," Zuko says, closing his eyes. "This is somehow going to be blamed on me. You all know it."

"We do." Azula turns up her palms and smirks. "You are significantly talented at being a scapegoat."

"You are significantly terrible at being a decent human being," he snaps. "This is on you. He is blaming you for this if it is the last thing I do."

"He is blaming Ty Lee for this, because she was the one who fell out of a window and said she would not call an ambulance because it would embarrass her too much. I agree that I am not a decent human being but I…" Azula looks up from her phone and narrows her eyes at the wall. She risked herself for a girl who she swore to eternally punish mere hours ago.

"You helped someone. Let it sink in," Zuko says.

Azula swiftly says, "I help lots of people. All the time. I am always helping people."

Zuko groans.

[X]

Zuko manages to tell a story that slightly eases Mai's boredom, and she is extremely attracted to him while he whines about Iroh's eccentricities. Ty Lee would be thrilled if she were conscious.

"Uncle will go to this Himalayan store on Hawthorne and he'll talk to the woman who owns it for like an _hour_ and I think I'm going to die from boredom already, but then he needs to pick out incense. It's not – incense should not be that difficult of a decision.

"Then he usually just buys all of them because he can't decide. Oh, and then of course he has to pick out new figurines that are identical to the ones he already has. Then he'll say he needs to buy me something and gets me like a woven man purse or a candle. It's not worth it."

[X]

A thousand hours later, Ty Lee is awake but they have made no progress in escaping this living hell.

"Space Law," reads Mai from her phone. She then falls silent as she scrolls through the article. "That's disappointing. Everyone is wrong. America can't own the moon, and I don't think a person or company can own the moon either."

"I still have no idea why anyone would want to own the moon," Zuko says.

Azula scoffs. "Why does anyone want to own Ugg boots or ugly Christmas sweaters or glasses that don't work or clothes emblazoned with _Abercrombie_ or an owl. So everyone knows you have it."

"I don't think the moon is a fashion trend," Zuko says, cocking an eyebrow. He does not know how or why they reached this point.

"Owls aren't a fashion trend either," croaks Ty Lee. She keeps trying to poke at her stitches but cannot reach them and so she is subjected to the heated debates of her best friends and Zuko.

"Why would anyone want an owl?" Mai asks, setting her phone on her lap. "I don't know anyone with an owl."

Azula glares at her and softly says, "I am going to go buy an owl the minute we leave this place, so you all can know I have one. There. Then you will know someone with an owl, _Mai_."

Ty Lee weakly smiles and chimes, "I think you would be a great owl parent."

"Shut up," Azula hisses.

[X]

Azula at last makes contact with Ozai and tells him she is in the emergency room. It is not a _lie_. Simply an exploitation of the ambiguous English language.

He arrives and the collective relief of the four teenagers is astonishing.

"I have never been so happy to see you," Zuko says to his father, but is quickly shot down.

"That's wonderful," he very coldly says before turning to his daughter. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I called you a thousand times but your phone was off. If I had to be realistic I would say twenty-four. Mai, be my witness."

"I disagree," Mai slicky says, and Azula looks aghast. "I think it must have been twenty-seven, Mr. Shinohai."

"I was busy," he replies. "I would still be busy if I didn't think you were the injured one. I don't care what happens to her. Why do I have to be at the ER for her?"

"Because we're all underage and she didn't have her phone so we couldn't call _her_ family _._ Also, I think the nurse said she was getting discharge papers an hour ago and still has not returned," Azula exasperatedly explains.

"What happened to her?" Ozai demands, gesturing at Ty Lee.

Azula sounds sickeningly sweet as she says, "She fell out of her window. I saved her. Don't you want me to save people?"

Mai and Zuko exchange a glance.

"No," coldly replies Ozai. "Not if it means you end up in this disgusting part of a hospital that I didn't even know existed."

"You've never been to an ER?" Ty Lee asks, tilting her head to the side.

"Yes. Just much nicer ones than this. Is that chair made of plastic?" He is truly disgusted.

"It is. Can we leave now?" Azula grabs her sweater and straightens her posture.

But her father asks, "How did you get here?"

Silence.

Azula sets back down her sweater. "Zuko, tell father how we got here."

Zuko expected this, and he is prepared.

"I'm the only one here old enough to drive, you see," he says, "and Azula said she would murder me if I didn't drive Ty Lee here, so I borrowed one of your cars to drive them because she made me."

He should have known that he would never be able to justify his actions in his father's eyes.

Ozai asks, "That small, innocent little girl forced you to break the rules of my home?"

"Have you seen her trophy case?" Zuko exclaims and Ty Lee cringes. "She _could_ kill me. You have a ton of weapons that she could kill me with. She could burn down the house with me inside. I saw her burn down a shed once."

"Smokey the Bear wept that day," Mai dryly adds, fondly recalling summertime in the Rockies.

Ozai's scrutiny shifts to her. "How did you get involved?"

"Me? I just saw the chaos from my porch and made a horrible decision to join them," she says, unfazed by the Shinohai glare. "I've just been island shopping on my phone."

"Island shopping?" he asks.

"Shopping for an island," Mai says, and Zuko is impressed by her composure. "I'm not legally old enough yet, just like I'm not legally old enough to steal a car and drive away from this antiseptic scented hell. But, I mean, it's a big decision."

"She was moon shopping for a while," Ty Lee chimes.

"I don't think a single person can own the moon," says a man who had tried to do so.

"That's what I said," Zuko snaps.

 _And_ again Ozai's tone becomes terrifying. "You be quiet and wait for me to figure out what to do with you for stealing a car."

"She _made me_ do it!" Zuko shouts, smashing the back of his head against the bright white wall.

"Of course I didn't," Azula confidently corrects. "I just asked if he would help. It was a broad statement that he clearly misinterpreted."

Mai briefly smirks as she says, "It's true. I even reminded him that it was a bad idea and told him we should just call an ambulance."

"I was unconscious," Ty Lee hastily says, beaming innocently.

Zuko stares at the floor.

[X]

Azula survives Friday in navy heels and arrives at home early due to beautifully cancelled extracurricular activities. Her wrath has faded – at least until she sees Zuko on the driveway. She sighs and drops her bag, leaving the well-groomed path to spy on him. He catches sight of her before she can even sneak up on him.

Zuko approaches her with two plastic bags of bottles and towels, and in one hand clutches two colorful brooms held together by their tag.

"You arrived just in time," he says with a mocking smile. "Father is making me clean his car. You're helping because it's your fault."

"I do not take orders from you," Azula snarls under her breath. "That is ridiculous and will never happen." Pause. "Why do you have all of _that_?"

Zuko sets down the large plastic bags on the pavement. "I bought cleaning supplies since we don't own any."

"We have to own _some_ , I mean…" Azula shrugs. It doesn't matter.

"You can have the brooms and the… whatever this thing with a lemon on it is." Zuko shakes a yellow bottle in one hand and shoves the brooms at her with the other.

She instantly drops them. "Why did you even get two identical brooms? One would suffice."

"So that when you're going out for a ride you can bring a friend," Zuko replies.

Before Azula can rip out his tongue, "That was actually funny," says a dry and distinctly non-Shinohai voice.

Azula snaps, "That was breaking and entering. Leave before I call the police."

"The fence was open. I just walked inside. It's not like I'm not allowed to break into your house or something. I broke into your kitchen yesterday afternoon and nobody gave a damn." Mai shuts the gate behind her.

"Help clean the car," Azula orders. "You wanted to be a part of it, remember?"

"Why did you break in yesterday?" Zuko interrupts.

"Attempted arson," Mai sardonically snaps. "I'll help you clean the car. I'll be the supervisor to make sure everything is done right."

Disgruntled, Zuko orders, "You're also helping. You said you wanted to be a part of it. We didn't need you."

"I was misinformed about emergency rooms," Mai replies. "You can't blame me for that small mistake."

"You both will help," Zuko says.

Azula does not speak or move for a moment before seizing one of the plastic bags.

"Seeing as you are certainly too incompetent to properly clean our wonderful father's car, I will help you out of the kindness of my heart." She just wants to see this end terribly, to tell the truth.

"Congratulations. I didn't know you had a heart; when did you get it?" Zuko says.

"Oh, it was around the same time you got the courage to speak to me like that. You must have been too distracted by your own gift to notice mine," Azula replies.

[X]

Zuko goes out that night in order to avoid his father and sister. He meets up with old friends from his younger days and realizes how much he hates them. Despite that, it is still infinitely better than being at home.

At their mahogany dining room table, Azula is very confused by her father's request to eat dinner with her. She usually eats in her room, and he eats in his office and it is for the best. He agreed upon that unsaid arrangement, and so Azula knows this must be a dire situation.

"Princess, I made a promise to your mother," Ozai says and Azula sets down her fork.

This will not be good. Not a chance.

"Are we returning Zuko to his proper owner?" Azula hopefully inquires.

"Somewhat," Ozai replies, which is a troubling response.

Azula says through a grimace, "What does somewhat mean?"

"To begin, I will remind you that you are my child and you must obey me."

"What does somewhat mean?" Azula repeats, louder this time.

Silence.

Ozai shrugs and casually says, "You will be going with him."

Azula's heart jumps into her throat and stays there. "I imagine that means I will escort him to the airport because mother is afraid he will get lost."

"It's only three days. You can tolerate your own mother for three days."

"No. No, I can't!" Azula stands up so quickly that she hits her knee on the table. But she has too much adrenaline surging through her to notice the pain. "Father, we all decided to forget about legal agreements and just never see each other again. I think it was a fantastic idea. You are above the law."

"We are not entirely above the law," Ozai reluctantly admits.

"Yes we are. We could murder people and not see any repercussions." That _is_ true.

"We are not entirely above what my father thinks of us." Ozai meets her gaze and she averts her eyes.

Azula sits down and regally sighs. "Please elaborate."

"Your mother and uncle visited your grandfather while we have been babysitting Zuko and he thinks it is a good idea for me to spend more time with my son for inexplicable reasons. I think it's a terrible idea. Anyway, the only way your mother would agree was if she also got to spend more time with you," Ozai explains, as if this is not the end of the world.

This is like asteroids hitting the Earth, or everywhere on the planet suddenly combusting, or maybe an imminent nuclear war. Volcano? Tsunami?

Azula collects herself and asks, "We don't really need his money or companies or legacy. We can start our own business in another country."

"Three days. Once a month. I will get you out of it when I get myself out of it." That _is_ true.

"I can't tolerate Zuko for six days a month. I can't tolerate him for six days a year. And I don't even want to think about _them_. No, no, no, my answer is no." Azula shakes her head so fiercely that she gives herself whiplash.

Ozai does not falter for a second when she rubs her pained neck. He seems to have accepted the horror and lost all of his love for his precious daughter.

"I told you that you are my child and must obey me," he says and Azula looks up.

"Respectfully," she says, "not in this instance. I will hijack the plane and murder everyone on it."

He coldly replies, "Good."

Azula grabs her knife and reconsiders hacking and slashing everyone in the world to death, and instead chooses to ferociously stab the table. The loud _crack_ is not as satisfying as she had hoped.

Ozai does not bat an eye and so she sits back down.

She stares at her food and realizes she has lost her appetite.

* * *

 **Chapter Seven:** Land of Milk and Honey

* * *

Azula comes home from a long, painful day and lies down on the sofa. She honestly cannot believe she is getting married, and after the wedding dress shopping she thinks she is having second thoughts. It seems far too drastic, and she has never before seen Ty Lee take something so seriously.

Her father sits across from her and she stares at him without moving a muscle. She does not have the energy to sit up and face him for proper conversation.

"Mai and I are leaving early tomorrow morning. I think you are doing well on your own, and so I've made preparations," he says.

Azula smirks. "Was Bunny difficult?"

"Not for me," Ozai lies. The girl was cute, but dealing with her was torture. "I have been a successful parent since before you were born."

"You are the best parent I have, at least," Azula says, punctuating her words with a soft sigh. Mai finishes taking off her coat and sits down in the other chair. Now Azula feels as if she is standing in front of a tribunal. They both are remarkably judgmental people.

"You're a fantastic parent to one half of your children," Mai says. "No? Is that off? One tenth? I don't know. One fourth? No, no help on this? Now I just look like a total moron."

"Bunny was difficult?" Ty Lee asks, dropping her coat by the door. She kicks it towards the closet, but does not feel like hanging it up properly. Ozai watches the small scene with scrutiny.

"She may have been difficult, but I handled it. She is asleep, and I didn't even have to put valium in a cup of tea," he says.

As if mocking him, a little girl bounds into the room, leaping with each step.

"Mai, Mai, Mai!" she shrieks.

"She does not fit her name very well," Ozai coldly remarks.

Ty Lee turns to her daughter, whom is tugging on a nonresponsive woman. Mai cannot believe that she has to be the grandmother of this child for an indefinite period of time. It revolts and terrifies her to imagine her future relationship with paper-dolls.

"You're not a Bunny; you're a little lioness," Ty Lee says. Pause. Ty Lee turns to Mai and whispers, "Is that a word? Lioness?"

"Yes." Mai pries Bunny off of her at last.

"Good." Ty Lee sets her hand over her heart. "Because Azula knows all these _words_ and she doesn't like it when I teach Bunny ones that aren't real."

"I can _hear_ you talking about me," Azula announces. "I think I am valid in my desire for her to speak proper English, and for her not to think _dramastic_ is a word."

"It should be." Ty Lee pouts.

Azula just stands up and escapes to her bedroom.

"What's this about valium?" Mai asks.

Ozai cavalierly explains, "My grandmother would put valium in tea and give it to children. She would line up cups of tea on her counter and put in some honey and then some valium and it did work."

"It's better than turpentine in cookies," Ty Lee chirps, fondly recalling Ilah's famous story.

"Well, I didn't have to eat the turpentine cookies," Ozai says, "but I did take an unknown amount of valium as a child."

Mai shrugs. "Valium never hurt anyone. It does the opposite."

"Never give my Bunny valium tea." Ty Lee grabs her daughter and pulls her onto her lap.

And Ozai answers, "Never trust my brother to watch her then."

[X]

"I'm going to bed," Mai announces two hours later.

Ty Lee is halfway through a sentence, but it _is_ late. Azula and Bunny are presumably sleeping, and Ty Lee is pretending that her best friend and fiancée's father are not interrogating her. She thankfully has stories about cats up her sleeve, which tends to shut people up quite quickly.

Mai stands and leaves. The minute her footsteps silence, Ty Lee looks up from her empty plastic cup of wine and accidentally locks eyes with Ozai Shinohai. Like his daughter, he is the type of person who enters a room and makes it fall silent without doing a thing.

"You must be tired," he comments and she nods. "Before you go to bed, I would like to make you an offer."

"Mhm." Ty Lee wishes her plastic cup was full. Maybe she should try that valium trick Ozai mentioned earlier, but on herself instead of her child.

"I want to offer you seventy-five thousand dollars to break up with my daughter and never see her again," he says.

Ty Lee does not know how to respond to that. It strikes her like a sudden slap to the face.

"I – why?" She has no idea what she did wrong, and she honestly wants to cry. Or run. Or run and cry.

"Because I want to. Give me an answer."

"My answer is _no_. Never. Never ever," Ty Lee vehemently replies. Her heart flutters but her voice is strong.

Ozai Shinohai stares at her for a chilling moment.

"Interesting."

"It's not interesting. It's true." Ty Lee races to bed immediately after losing her temper.

She does not want to make him hate her more.

She does not know that she just passed the final test.

[X]

"Why are you putting milk in your eyes?" asks Azula as she enters her kitchen. It is still dark outside, but Azula's father and Mai had to leave for the airport a few minutes ago.

Ty Lee yelps and coughs. "You made me mess up! It went in my nose!"

"Well, forgive me," Azula sarcastically replies, waving her hand and examining the empty coffee pot.

"I'm putting milk in my eyes because I got hairspray in them and that stuff is like _mace_ ," Ty Lee cheerily explains. Azula is a morning person, but cannot fathom how someone could be _that much_ of a morning person.

"It's not literally like mace. I think you should just wash them out with water. Think of the bacteria." Azula stares at the coffee and decides she is too tired to make more. She instead opens the refrigerator.

"It's too late for that," Ty Lee snaps. She screws the cap back on the jug of milk and turns on the sink to wash her face. "Oh, and it worked. Ha! And also, you can't criticize me for this when you kill spiders with MacGyvered flamethrowers."

"Mmm. So be it. I will be outside." Azula finishes gathering her vital items.

Ty Lee criticizes them instantly, which makes Azula miss when Ty Lee just did whatever the fuck she said and was positive while she did it. "You have an energy drink, a pack of cigarettes and a phone that I bet you're going to use while on a balcony juggling the two other things. I'm going to be a widow before I'm a wife."

"If you ever become that," Azula murmurs to herself.

Unfortunately, Ty Lee hears her, and demands, "What does that mean?"

Azula sighs; she does not have patience this early in the morning. "It means nothing."

Ty Lee swallows the lump in her throat. "Do you not want to marry me? Because it's pretty late for that."

"Of course I want to marry you. I would not have endured yesterday if I didn't." Azula does not even _try_ with that lie.

"Is yesterday giving you super premature cold feet?" Ty Lee furrows her brow.

"No, yesterday isn't; you are." Azula is out on the balcony before Ty Lee can say a word.

Ty Lee stares at the wall in front of her and tries to comprehend what she just heard.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:** Leave Room for Jesus

* * *

"I don't _visit_ people," Azula says as she and her brother enter the hospital. "She will be discharged tomorrow. I can see her then."

"I don't want to be here either," Zuko says, glancing around. He hates hospitals. "Buy her a stuffed animal or something."

"Why?" Azula demands, cocking an eyebrow. He examines her expression and deeply sighs.

"Because she'll like it. Doing nice things can be rewarding," Zuko replies and Azula shrugs.

She supposes it will make her look like a caring and magnificent person if she gets some fluffy pink animal to keep Ty Lee company. It will not remedy the fact that Ty Lee let Azula fall down the stairs and douse herself in Monster, but it will make Ty Lee feel _terrible_ about her brutal act of betrayal.

Once Azula has the gift in hand, they walk halfheartedly to the hospital room. Ty Lee looks dazed as she colors in a Barbie coloring book. Her family seems to have abandoned her. It pleases Azula to know that Ty Lee has been left alone in misery.

"Azula!" Ty Lee exclaims, dropping her dull crayon onto the spotless floor. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Have this," Azula says, shoving the pink bear into Ty Lee's arms.

Ty Lee hugs and squeezes it. She moves to hug and squeeze Azula, but Azula successfully dodges.

Now they have to wait. Marvelous.

[X]

Azula has left to explore the hospital after pretending to listen to Ty Lee for twenty minutes. Zuko now sits alone with his sister's best friend and tries to ignore how awkward it is.

Ty Lee pipes up out of nowhere, "Zuko, invite Mai to the Valentine's Dance."

"I'm leaving tomorrow and stuff…" Zuko says. Then he remembers that Azula is coming _with him_ when he leaves. Oh God, this is worse than he thought.

"Yeah, but you're gonna come back every month," Ty Lee says, brightly smiling. She could not be more excited to make friends with Zuko. "You have such a chance with her! All you have to do is fill out some paperwork and then you can take her to the dance and stuff!"

"Why are you so insistent about me and Mai getting together?" Zuko asks, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Because it's my _dream_." It is also her dream to date Azula, but that is more complicated than setting up Mai and Zuko.

"That's a really depressing dream," Zuko says.

"Yeah? Well, what's your dream then?"

"To be a rock star," Zuko earnestly says and Ty Lee giggles behind her hand. He rolls his golden eyes.

"That's way more depressing. But you're in a band, right? Mai likes guys in bands, probably. I mean, I never asked, but she seems like the kind of person who does," Ty Lee eagerly says.

Azula reenters the room with an excuse to leave, saving Zuko from further discomfort.

[X]

Zuko stands with Mai in his house and tries to think of words. She _is_ beautiful, and what he would call his type, but he is not extremely enthusiastic about Ty Lee's plans.

"Did you ask me here for anything interesting or do you just want to bore me to tears?" Mai asks.

Zuko rubs his neck. Mai likes boys in bands, or so Ty Lee said. He thinks that might just work.

"Do you want to see my dad's guitars?" he offers, despite knowing that it is a death sentence if Ozai finds out.

"Are you allowed to show me them?" Mai inquires.

"… no."

That is the first truly hot thing Zuko has ever said to her. "Show them to me."

 _Maybe I have a chance,_ Zuko thinks.

Zuko takes her to one of the rooms deep in the house. She looks around and sees guitars, records, other unexpected things to be owned by a man who perpetually wears a suit.

Mai thumbs through things that Zuko hopes she doesn't wreck, and sees a quite impressive collection of _good_ music. She does not have much time to be startled, because Zuko grabs one of the acoustic guitars. There are twenty different types that Mai cannot imagine Ozai ever playing in his life, but everyone is young once, she supposes.

"So, I will play you a song now," Zuko says, feeling awkward. Mai sits down an amp and Zuko tries not to cringe; she is so pretty and she might sleep with him and he is willing to suffer his father's wrath to potentially have sex with her.

"I figured. Most people play songs with guitars."

"Alright, I'm going for something more original. It's by my band."

"Your what?" Mai interrupts Zuko as his fingers touch the strings.

"My band," Zuko proudly replies. She purses her lips for a moment.

"What kind of band is it?" she dryly asks.

"Grunge," Zuko says. His pride does not waver despite Mai's unimpressed expression.

"What are you called?" she asks.

"You've Never Heard of It."

"What?" Mai doesn't know where this kid even comes from.

"We're called You've Never Heard of It. So when someone asks, like, what's your favorite band or something, they would have to say 'You've Never Heard of It' and it's hilarious."

"That's actually kind of funny." Silence. Very, very awkward silence. "You can play the song now."

"Awesome," Zuko says, launching into it. Filling the room with music is far better than trying to make conversation.

Zuko _can_ play guitar, Mai will admit.

"Do you want to go to your school's Valentine's Dance with me?" Zuko asks the moment the song ends.

"Whatever. Sure." Mai shrugs. "But it won't be very sexy. I will not have sex with you before or after, and we can't dance too close to each other, or grind like normal people, because the chaperone teachers will put a ruler between us and say that we have to leave room for Jesus."

"That raises the uncomfortable question of why Jesus is supposed to be between two dancing teenagers."

"I have no idea. They don't do it when two girls dance close or grind," Mai comments. Oh, Ty Lee teaching Azula how to do that and failing so hard at asking her out.

"That's sexist," Zuko remarks, as if he is the first person who ever noticed that.

"Or something. I don't know if that's sexist."

Silence. Very, very awkward silence.

"So, can you show me how far apart you have to dance?" Zuko asks, hoping it works.

Mai stares at him for a moment. "That's pathetic. That's really pathetic."

Zuko coughs. "No, I'm just curious about how much room Jesus needs."

Mai sighs. "Fine. I'll show you."

She stands up, and so does he.

[X]

Azula _throws_ all of her belongings into the medium gym bag she will take to Portland. To stay with her _mother_. Azula has not stayed with her mother since before her parents divorced. _Why_? The world is too cruel to Azula. What did she ever do to deserve this.

Someone taps on her window as she hurls a set of heels into the stuffed bag.

Welcoming the distraction, Azula opens the window and lets Ty Lee shimmy inside.

"You can jump between roofs, I see. With two casts," Azula says. She successfully hides how impressed she is. Ty Lee does not care either way.

"Well, when I want something enough, it happens," Ty Lee says, smiling. Azula does not smile back, not even slightly. "I wanna know why you're so mad at me."

"I am not mad at you," Azula lies.

"Is it about the hallway?" Ty Lee whispers, her eyes sparkling like a begging puppy.

"Yes. Of course it is. I refuse to forgive that," Azula says.

Ty Lee desperately wants to explain why she did it, but she cannot. Azula makes her either tongue-tied or talking-too-fast. There is no in between, and there is no way to express her true feelings.

"Can I make it up to you?" Ty Lee asks, hoping that it will not be terrible.

"Pack my suitcase," Azula orders, sitting down on her bed.

Ty Lee looks at the mess Azula has angrily made and begins to sort it out. She always kind of liked folding clothes, at least.

"I'm really sorry. You're still my best friend ever. And I really obviously can't dance while I'm all banged up like this, so I won't be able to see you too often, and I'll miss you so much, and we'll lose weekends together because of your mom and…" Ty Lee runs out of breath.

"I know," Azula says, because all of that is true.

She turns on music to drown the discomfort.

* * *

 **Chapter Eight:** If a Prom Cat Had Nine Lives

* * *

Ty Lee decides to ignore what Azula said this morning. She focuses on wedding preparations and lets Azula have all the space she needs. It might just be too tense.

Azula walks into the living room and sees that the coffee table has been buried beneath invitations.

"I told my mom we're getting married," Ty Lee says, playing with the wedding invitations she has been filling out. She currently is pretending that Azula's comments earlier this morning did not happen. "She said that Dr. Phil says that when you marry for money you earn every cent."

"That seems accurate," Azula replies. She sets her thumb on one invitation and pulls it to face her. The lavender is pretty and the font is decent. "Is she coming?"

"Of course. My whole family is. Including a lot of people I haven't seen since I was a little kid. You haven't really said anybody you wanna invite. You have said a lot of people you _don't_ want to invite, but we have to invite them because they're like your mom and stuff."

"If you are tolerating your mother, I will tolerate mine. I do not want to think about this," Azula says, sighing. She hates every second she has to think about the mistake she probably is making.

Ty Lee wants to ask more, but she does not want to give Azula more doubts.

"Bunny is going to her friend's birthday party, so I was planning on going to Bloomingdale's to get some springtime shoes and maybe look at accessories and dresses for some wedding inspiration," Ty Lee rapidly says, tripping over her words.

"You want me to come?" Azula asks, but she knows the answer already.

"Of course!"

"Fine," Azula says. "It can't be _torture_."

Ty Lee smiles.

[X]

Ty Lee gawks at all of the ideas for her wedding. There are so many _perfect_ ideas around her that she can barely keep track of them all.

"There are so many dresses because it's like April!" Ty Lee says, running over to the prettiest purple ones and starting to sift through them.

"I know. It's prom season," Azula says, standing amongst the many racks.

"God, you make that sound scarier than 'winter is coming.'" Ty Lee laughs.

"I hate prom season. There's just something about it that pains me. Maybe it was my prom date," Azula says, smirking at Ty Lee.

"Which one?" asks Ty Lee.

"Both were terrible people."

"Hey!" Ty Lee snaps, returning a dress to the rack and wandering off to find another.

"Both tried to put their tongue in my mouth. Neither succeeded," Azula comments. Ty Lee glowers.

Then a thought occurs to her: "Wait, is the only reason you hate prom season because I tried to French kiss you?"

"Clearly, yes," Azula lies. Ty Lee pouts and then shrugs. She finds the cutest hair accessory. It is a little too sweet-sixteen and not _wedding_ enough for her, but cute nonetheless.

"Mphm. I tried that more than once, and it still doesn't work." Pause. "But you lost your virginity on prom night!"

Azula groans. She cannot believe she is marrying this woman. "Why did you _exclaim_ that in the middle of _Bloomingdales_?"

"I just get excited sometimes! I even remember exactly where and when and how."

"Yes. I was there, and you have no need to rehash—"

"It was in the Regal Cinemas bathroom at one in the morning, because we had no idea what _Star Trek_ was about and so we just… did it." Ty Lee looks _dreamy_ about one of the most awkward and uncomfortable things Azula has ever done in her life.

It was not exactly as magical as the movies make it out to be.

"We are done discussing losing our virginity in a movie theatre bathroom during the premier of _Star Trek_ because luckily I had forgotten most of that and now I remember." Pause. "Didn't you go to all four proms?"

"I went to five proms. If a prom cat had nine lives, I'd have ten of them." Ty Lee laughs again and spins around with a tiara in her hair. She discards it after deciding that it is not glamorous enough.

"I went to three, which is more than anyone needs," Azula says. They were not so bad, but she will not let Ty Lee know that. Not in a million years. Good relationships are built on secrets and lies.

"And you only went to two with me. Do you know how sad that is?" Ty Lee faux frowns before smiling at the sexiest lavender dress there.

"Well, that's two thirds of my proms; I've been to two fifths of yours," Azula says.

"Well, yeah, but the fifth one doesn't even count because I _only_ went because my friend got rejected by like four girls and I was so much hotter than them." Ty Lee smiles at the memory of their _faces_ when she walked in wearing that sparkly and skimpy dress.

"Our after prom adventures were not terrible." Pause. She recalls another painful memory of the night she lost her virginity. "Did you ever figure out what that movie was about? I already didn't understand it and we did sneak out halfway through."

"No. I don't even remember why we went." Ty Lee returns the dress. It is way too pink.

She grabs Azula by the hand and pulls her towards sunglasses. They sparkle so brightly and Ty Lee cannot resist buying ten. Even though it is basically winter.

"You went because I was going," Azula says as they walk across the smooth, slippery floor, "and I went because that preachy bitch I hated wasn't invited and I wanted to watch her misery as we all left prom together and she was alone forever."

"Wait, you mean Anna?" Ty Lee asks, releasing her fiancée.

"Yes. I still hate her. I will always hate her."

"She was nice," Ty Lee stupidly says. She quickly remembers how dumb that was. Azula is already having doubts about her. Remembering that makes Ty Lee feel sick.

"She was a horrible person and you will agree with me about that."

"Yeah, she totally didn't shave. Oh, look at _this_ pair!" Ty Lee slides the Prada sunglasses on as the man working the desk stares blankly.

"Did I ever tell you about my parents' wedding?" asks Azula, the old story coming to mind after being forgotten for a long time.

"No," Ty Lee replies, pressing a dress to her chest. "You don't really talk about your mom."

Azula takes a deep breath and begins, "My parents got engaged on the 21st of August, and set the date for the 24th of August. They were in California but their wedding was going to be in New York because my grandparents were living there at the time. My grandmother promised to plan it and make it happen before they arrived on the 23rd.

"They went to Saks and my mom needed bridesmaid dresses. She had four of them. The shop, of course, said that they don't do sets of dresses with a one day notice. But, as fate would have it, a wedding cancelled and all of the bridesmaid dresses fit."

"Like the _Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants_!" Ty Lee exclaims, shoving an ugly purple dress back onto the rack.

"Yes, but _don't_ interrupt. So my parents went to the church and the priest said he couldn't marry them because my mother wasn't Catholic. They went to another church and the priest asked if they loved each other. They said yes, and he said he would do it.

"They threw together a big wedding. My grandmother's taste was apparently horrible, according to my parents, but the photos aren't half bad. It was all very red. My father's friends weren't there. They were about to start the wedding when they heard the screeching of tires and they arrived mostly drunk in one car.

"It was a very odd wedding," Azula finishes.

Ty Lee coos. "That's so sweet. It's almost like they were destined to be but they obviously weren't because their marriage was terrible."

"Oh, you thought I was trying to tell a sweet story? No, I was trying to give evidence of why this planning is so unnecessary."

[X]

Ty Lee answers her phone as she and Azula sit silently in front of the television.

"Hi, Azula's grandma," Ty Lee says and Azula sits up in a split second. "Grandmother. I meant grandmother! I forget sometimes that her family likes detached pronouns. It's just really abnormal. But abnormal is good. I _love_ abnormal stuff."

'What does she want?' Azula mouths.

Ty Lee puts a finger to her lips. "Oh, no, I really don't need that." Pause. "I could have it; I just don't have a place to keep it and I really don't like them very much."

"What does she want?" Azula hisses.

"I, yes, yes, you can talk to Azula. Of course. She's already reaching for the phone," Ty Lee sweetly says, passing the phone away before Azula rips her arm off.

"How are you? Did you like my eCard?" Azula purrs. She had sounded so tired after putting Bunny to bed, and she didn't want to talk to Ty Lee, but she sounds energetic and happy when talking to her grandmother.

 _"_ _Yes. I thought your wedding invitation was tacky, however. It was fine. I'm happy for you and your girlfriend. Isn't it wonderful how progressive…"_

Not this again. No.

"Yes. I love that. I love being able to marry my wife and Bernie Sanders and fuck Wall Street. What is that my girlfriend who is a girl like I am a girl was telling you she didn't want?"

 _"_ _I was asking about a wedding gift. I asked if she wanted a pony. Every little girl wants a pony."_

"That… is a gender stereotype, grandmother. Surely you don't mean it."

 _"_ _Fine. Everyone wants a damned pony, Azula. Except for you and your ungrateful brother and ungrateful girlfriend."_

"So, you didn't say ungrateful before my name. Does that mean I am grateful?"

 _"_ _It was a very nice eCard."_

"Thank you," Azula says.

 _"_ _Grandfather wants to talk to you."_

Brief silence.

"Hello, grandfather." Azula seems even sweeter now. Smoother. Slick as an oil spill on an iceberg and twice as toxic.

 _"_ _Your wedding invitation was classy. Did you girl pick it out?"_

"Yes. Did you like your eCard?"

 _"_ _I enjoyed it. You are the only one of my offspring that cares."_

"So I get all of your money?" Her eyes are hopeful.

Azulon laughs. _"And you're funny too."_

Azula looks crushed for a moment, but she collects herself.

"Thank you," she says.

 _"_ _Is the little one actually named Bunny? It was cute until I realized it will have Shinohai attached to it."_

"Yes. I can legally change it if you would like me too."

 _"_ _Do that. Will you be Mitsuko's dad or mom?"_

"Who's Mi—oh, you mean Bunny…"

 _"_ _No, Ilah, that's not offensive or outdated!"_ Azulon shouts at his wife.

"I don't think it's offensive or outdated," Azula says.

 _"_ _People these days and…"_

"Yes. Self-righteous millennials are the worst, Ronald Reagan, fuck free healthcare."

 _"_ _You're a good kid. Say hello to your beautiful fiancée. This is our RSVP. Goodnight, princess."_

Azula hangs up and breathes a sigh of relief.

"Your grandparents are weird," Ty Lee says. "I'm so amazed they've been married for so long when they're so crazy."

"My entire family is literally insane. I am using that word properly. Look, my grandmother found her passion in her life when she quit her job and bought seven horses. Does that explain enough about her?"

"No. That explains literally nothing. I'm using that word properly," Ty Lee says, tapping her lower lip with her manicured finger.

"She thinks that everyone agrees with her and anyone who doesn't agree with her is a terrible person. My grandfather feels the same way except he disagrees with her on absolutely everything. They both are hypocrites about their beliefs and they both are incredible close-minded people. They live in harmony because he likes fishing and she likes horses. The only thing they ever agreed on was buying five summer homes in locations with good fishing and room for horses. She rides her horses; he goes fishing."

"Wait, what was your grandmother's job?" asks Ty Lee.

"Yes. She was a cop, first in Virginia, then in New York. Her friends are all Wall Street brokers and successful entrepreneurs however. Now they all go on lavish vacations and ride horses all day," Azula says.

"Why a cop?" Ty Lee asks, bewildered.

"She got a job as a cop to spite my grandfather, actually. He said that women joining the police force would be the downfall of America, so she joined the police force."

"Is that why she collects swords?" asks Ty Lee.

"No. She collects swords because her father was a swordsmith in Japan."

"And your grandfather collects various weapons because…"

"Because he can, probably." Azula shrugs.

"They're worse than your parents."

"I know." Azula lies down. "But we have to make them happy at all costs, do you understand?"

"Yes," Ty Lee says, nodding. "Oh, uhm, on the topic of marriage. Do you want to talk about this morning and your, uh, second thoughts?"'

"No."

"Oh… okay then."

 _Later_ , Ty Lee thinks. _We'll discuss it later._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:** Hips Don't Lie

* * *

Azula has one dance rehearsal before she takes the train of death to her mother's house of horrors. She sits in the break room, waiting for her chunk of time, and Ty Lee makes a joyous shrieking noise.

"It's so cute! It's so cute!" Ty Lee chirps, waving around her phone. "He sent me this cute picture, look!"

Azula does not look. She does not want to look. She wants to burn Haru's hair off, or something far worse. Quickly, she thinks of an excuse; it is not as if Ty Lee can chase her with that cast on her leg.

"I have to find more water." Azula gets up, grabs her water bottle by two fingers, and vacates the room.

Mai looks up at Ty Lee. Ty Lee had reminded her of her mom's awful Chihuahua a mere moment ago, but her excitement disappears the moment Azula leaves the room.

"He treats you better than any of your past boyfriends," Mai says, setting down her own phone. "Azula would not treat you well. Azula would be terrible to you, and deep down you know that."

"That's what makes her so hot."

"That she is manipulative and heartless?" Mai dryly asks. She wishes she were surprised.

" _Yes_ , of course. She is…" Ty Lee melodramatically fans her face with her hand.

Mai picks up her phone again.

Ty Lee will never see reason.

[X]

"I am sexy enough," Azula snaps as soon as the instructor leaves. She would have said it to his face, but she has decent restraint. "I am _by far_ sexy enough."

She crosses her arms and looks at her fitted nude-hued costume. It hugs her flawless body and her hair is impeccable despite the drops of sweat. Azula also knows that she _moves_ like damned Aphrodite.

"Mrs. Prosi sent me in here," says Ty Lee. Azula hopes Ty Lee did not overhear her talking to the mirror. "I'm supposed to show you how to be… sexier? I think you're extremely sexy. In a friend way! In a friend way, of course, obviously."

"Did you need to clarify that?" asks Azula and Ty Lee hesitantly nods. Azula accepts that response; people other than Ursa have questioned the nature of their relationship.

"So, I have some music that is way better than classical stuff, and I think we could make this half prep for the Valentine's Day dance!" Ty Lee smiles. "Okay, okay, it is all in the hips, and hips are super sexy, and you have super sexy hips probably."

Azula hates how much she likes Ty Lee's stupid grin.

Kneeling on the floor, Ty Lee turns on the sweet sound of some second rate rapper.

[X]

Ty Lee has to catch her breath halfway through their lonely practice; Azula does not. Nonetheless, they stand, staring into the mirror as they listen to the rehearsal in the studio next door.

"So, you think little messages of kittens are cute?" Azula inquires and Ty Lee stops moving. "That just doesn't seem like _you_. You need someone who doesn't bend to your every will, and someone who will be a bit unpredictable and daring."

"You're pretty much always right about your advice, but I…" Ty Lee does not have a good excuse. That is _exactly_ what she wants, but she also has to admit that she has never picked winners to date. Someone kind to her who will do anything for her is a huge upgrade.

Is Mai right? No way. Mai _cannot_ be right. She knows _nothing_ about love.

"But I…?" Azula asks, kneeling to turn off the music.

"But I am in love with him," Ty Lee blurts out. She does not think she means it, but she does secretly like how much Azula looks like Ty Lee just slapped her across the face.

"Oh. How good for you," Azula softly says with a smoldering glare.

"Yeah," Ty Lee squeaks.

Neither girl could be more glad that Azula will be absent this weekend.

[X]

Azula Shinohai glares at her father for the entirety of the drive to the airport. She has earbuds in, but she cannot even register the lyrics of the songs; she is far too angry.

In three hours, she will be in the clutches of her _mother_. How dare he. How _dare_ he. Grandfather's fortune is not worth this torment. Once she sits on the train, she glares out of the window and avoids any eye contact with Zuko.

After fifteen minutes, however, her brother runs his mouth.

"Do you think I'm happy about weekends with father?" Zuko demands. Azula pointedly yawns.

"He just doesn't love you. Accept it," Azula sweetly says. He grits his teeth.

"He is my _father_."

"And _you_ are his _son_. Imagine the soul-crushing disappointment he must feel," Azula replies, smirking as Zuko fumes. "If you were _my_ son, I would change my name and move to Japan."

"Mother did nothing to you."

"She did, and it is none of your business."

"Or she didn't, and you just won't admit it."

"Or I have no desire to confide my secrets in you. I would rather tell Ty Lee and she has some kind of disease that makes her spread a secret around the world within ten seconds of hearing it," Azula coldly replies, refusing to lift her gaze from the dirty window.

Zuko sighs and puts his headphones back into his ears.

[X]

Azula Shinohai glares at her uncle for the entirety of the drive away from the airport. He keeps talking about this horrible city as she acts as disinterested as possible. Iroh pretends to want her to feel welcome, but she knows better than that.

They finally reach West Linn and Azula reluctantly leaves the car. She leaves Iroh to carry in her bags as she walks up to the front door as if approaching an executioner's block.

She opens the unlocked door and looks at the home. It is the exact opposite of her father. He decorates with the clean lines of an Imperial Palace, everything either golden or gilded, and a cold, unfeeling aura. He would die if someone cluttered his beautiful home with boxes and knick-knacks and board games and camping gear.

"It's so nice to see you," says her mother.

Azula briefly considers her options, and decides to feign an Oscar-worthy performance to torture the woman who had the nerve to give birth to her.

"I want to go home where people _love me_!" she screams, and she cries, and runs, and locks herself in the room prepared for her.

That should buy her some privacy.

The moment she closes her eyes, someone knocks on the door.

Sigh. Or not.

* * *

 **Chapter Nine:** A Ferret Infestation

* * *

Azula walks into the kitchen, halfway ready for work, and sees Ty Lee pacing with her phone clasped in her hand. She looks nervous and Azula does not like it.

"Azula," Ty Lee slowly says, drawing out her words like Bunny when she wants something, "can I ask you for a favor?"

"Maybe," Azula replies. This morning has gone downhill fast.

"So, my sister just had a baby and two of my sisters and my mom are with her and they got the wedding invitations and asked if I wanted to come. I haven't talked to them in so long that I don't know! I think I want to go see them."

Azula does not hesitate to reply, "I would rather not visit the Beverly Hillbillies."

"They live in Bandon now," Ty Lee protests and Azula's eyes flash. "What's wrong?"

"My mother's parents live there," Azula bitterly remarks, cringing at the very idea of visiting them.

"I can finally meet them!" Ty Lee beams.

"When Hell freezes over."

"Please, please, please?" Ty Lee begs, a twinkle in her eyes.

"I am going to the gym now. I will talk to you after you get over this ridiculous idea," Azula says, pivoting to face the door.

"I'll come with you," Ty Lee suggests, smiling. "We've _never_ done that together!"

 _For good reason_ , Azula thinks, but she does know that indulging this ridiculous idea will spare her from a dreadful vacation.

"Fine," Azula says, waving her hand.

[X]

"Why do you smoke when you work out?" Ty Lee asks and Azula sighs. "What? It seems kinda counter'tuitive."

"This is why we don't do this together," Azula sharply replies. "You do look good in those shorts, however, so I will allow your questioning of my judgement."

"I love the things you say to me. They're so romantic," Ty Lee says.

She leans down and kisses Azula on the lips.

Azula breaks the kiss and coughs, saying, "Wait; I have smoke in my lungs."

Ty Lee laughs.

[X]

Azula cannot believe the move Ty Lee makes.

Bunny comes up to her after work, as she is watching sadistic television and attempting to avoid thoughts of her wedding, and stares up at her with her Bambi eyes.

"I wanna go to Bandon," says Bunny and Azula instantly knows Ty Lee put her up to this. "I wanna go so much. So much. So much."

She tugs on Azula's arm.

And the most powerful woman in the world has no choice but to cave in.

[X]

"I could not bribe or threaten our way into a nice hotel. Can you believe that? I am far more important than some _golfer_ ," Azula snaps as she steps onto the tarmac. "We clearly have to stay with your family."

Ty Lee holds Bunny in one arm as Azula's chauffeur carries their copious luggage. They have entered Eugene and will have to suffer a long ride to a redneck town that looks like a poor man's Norman Rockwell.

Of course, it _is_ nicer than Seaside. Azula will give it that.

"I'm so excited. My sister and her husband and my other two sisters and their husbands have been flipping this house, right? They were gonna live in it but then they hated it, so they're just going to sell it for a profit," Ty Lee cheerily chirps.

Azula rubs her temples. "You _are_ the dumbest family that ever lived. Why are you pouring money into the real estate market?"

"Ugh. It was on the cover of _Better Homes and Gardens_!" Ty Lee protests. That piques Azula's interest.

"Then why are they flipping it?" she inquires.

"It was on the cover of _Better Homes and Gardens_ in the '60s."

"Ah."

[X]

This house is worse than Camp Crystal Lake. It would probably be better off with a woman running around killing people with a chainsaw. Azula might be that woman at this point.

The floor of a strange-smelling house with 'rustic charm' is lined with dirt. Ty Lee's sister smells like cheap perfume and her entire family is having some kind of disgusting barbeque that is _disgusting_.

When Ty Lee's sister guides them to their room, Azula sees the deflated air mattress and throws up in her mouth.

Before she can order their escape, Bunny screams at the top of her lungs and jumps away from a wild animal that tried to take a bite out of her leg.

"What _was_ that?" Azula screeches.

Ty Lee looks up at her and matter-of-factly replies, "A ferret."

"A fucking _ferret_? A _ferret_? Please tell me it is a pet," Azula whispers. Perhaps this dreadful place has _bested_ her. It cannot be.

"Pest. It's a pest," Ty Lee calmly replies, somehow still smiling. "The lady who lived here before had like a thousand ferrets and she left them behind after she died."

Azula has already found her phone and started scrolling through her contacts. She closes her eyes as she presses her thumb to the name _Iroh Shinohai_.

Ty Lee grabs Bunny and sets her on her lap as the floor makes a crackling sound. It takes three entire rings before he picks up.

 _"Hello?"_ asks Iroh.

"It is your niece. Tell me the phone number of my mother's parents," demands Azula.

 _"Your grandparents?"_

"My mother's parents!" Azula takes a deep breath. "I apologize for being so… short with you. I just saw a ferret try to murder my daughter. My fiancée's daughter, I mean. Now, Ty Lee, write this down."

Ty Lee replies, "I don't have anything to write it on."

"You are the _worst_ secretary in all of history," Azula hisses.

"I'll put it on my phone," she grumbles.

Azula repeats each digit after her uncle vocalizes them.

 _"Why do you need to contact them?"_

"I am in Bandon and need rescue."

 _"I have been thinking about going on a trip down there to visit a good friend of mine."_

"Don't you _dare_. I have enough to deal with already," Azula snaps. She hangs up before Iroh can try to plan a vacation.

Ty Lee frowns. "I guess we're not staying here."

Azula snatches Ty Lee's phone and dials a number she never even considered acquiring until this moment.

 _"Hello?"_ Female voice. Must be her mother's mother.

"Hello," Azula so silkily purrs, as if she is not in a nightmare. "This is your granddaughter. I am in Bandon and need a place to stay…"

Azula glances up at Ty Lee.

She is _never_ indulging her fiancée's madness ever again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:** Like a Girl Gone Wild

* * *

Trapped in her mother's lair, Azula has successfully stayed in her room for a day and night. However, her horrible family decides she should go to a neighbor's party. It sounds like the _worst_ outing on the planet.

"I don't even know this guy," Azula protests, crossing her arms tightly over her chest.

"You know him. He was the bassist in your father's band," says mother, as if that convince Azula to go to this party.

"Why do you speak to him? He wasn't in _your_ band," Azula demands, glaring harder. It would make most shake and run, but not her mother. Every supervillain has her twisted rival, supposes Azula.

Ursa makes an odd expression and says, "I was married to your father for a regrettably long amount of time. We share some friends."

"Wonderful," mutters Azula.

Unbelievable.

She wants to kill her father for inflicting this torture upon her.

[X]

An hour later, Azula walks into the crowded mansion. It looks to be the zaniest ever to be listed on the Street of Dreams, and the people inside are even stranger. She does not like the music, she does not like the lighting, she does not like this place or this party.

"Everyone here is a hipster," Azula whispers to her brother.

"I know," he replies, sounding very _positive_ about that fact.

Azula glares at him. "That's your type, isn't it? You sicken me."

She walks off to find anyone she could possibly relate to. After a few dazed moments, that anyone finds her first.

"Admiring the photographs?" says a female, gravelly voice.

Azula turns to see a young woman in her early twenties with tattoos, dark hair, and a distinctly un-hipster vibe.

"I didn't even notice them," Azula earnestly says. She glances around and sees that huge black and white prints line the walls. They look impressive, like something out of a magazine.

"They're all my dad's," comments the young woman. "He's a man of the arts. I'm a woman of the refreshments."

The young woman pushes a drink into Azula's hands. It looks like water, but Azula does not have to taste it to know otherwise. The scent speaks for itself.

"Maybe that's my kind of woman," Azula replies without realizing how flirtatious her tone is.

The gorgeous girl smiles a small and oddly knowing smirk. "My dad has a darkroom that came with the house."

"What?" Azula does not know if this is going where she thinks it is going. That feels unpleasant; she despises surprises.

The girl shrugs and explains, "It was on the Street of Dreams in the '90s. The whole place has a lot of weird and dated features."

"You… want me to see the darkroom?"

"Yes."

[X]

Azula wakes up and thinks she might be dying.

The pain in her head cannot be expressed in words, the disorientation makes her think she would fall down if she tried to stand up and the nausea makes her think she would vomit even if she failed to fall. Her bones feel like they are filled with pain fluid, sloshing around and causing a deep ache. She crawls across her bed to draw the blinds and knock the curtains open.

Azula expected more relief to come of blocking out the sun.

"Zuko," she croaks as she hears him pass her door. "Zuko, I'm dying."

He knocks—prompting her to roll her eyes—and enters the room.

"You're not dying. You got drunk last night."

"No. I didn't. I don't drink," Azula says, and although she believed that when she began speaking, she no longer thinks it is true. She remembers a darkroom and a bottle and two cups and a girl with tattoos leaning in to kiss her. "I was clearly drugged."

She clearly got wasted among photographs of trees and made out with another girl and cannot remember anything after the room stopped spinning.

"I don't think anyone is mad at you," Zuko says, turning up a palm. "Mother just looked kind of sad as she mostly carried you home from a lame hipster party. Father would have yelled."

"Did she tell him? That I was drugged, of course."

"I think she avoids talking to him, but she might need to inform him that you've also taken on getting drunk in darkrooms as your eightieth extracurricular…"

Azula thinks surprisingly quickly. "Call the police," she says.

Zuko cocks an eyebrow.

Maybe she should have thought slower.

[X]

Azula sits in her bedroom after fishing a pair of sunglasses from her bag. She has her back against her door and her feet on the carpet. A towel rests in front of her, and a bottle of the gross lemon Gatorade. She hates lemon Gatorade. Blue always has been her favorite.

A note with a name and number were in her purse, along with her phone and other boring possessions. She does not think she will be calling this June girl. Never.

She flips through her phone, preparing a call to Ozai.

And she almost vomits again.

Azula went to her recents to dial Ozai from there. She finds Ty Lee's name.

She swiftly shifts gears and taps on Mai.

It rings twice before Mai dryly answers, _"Hello."_

"Mai, this is urgent," Azula snarls.

 _"_ _Yes?"_

Azula whispers, "Did I call Ty Lee last night?"

 _"_ _She would have probably told me about it if you did. Why do you not remember?"_

"That is unimportant," hisses Azula.

Mai laughs. _"Did you drink? Did those scary hipsters make you try alcohol?"_

"No," Azula snaps, knowing that she is protesting too much.

 _"_ _Where do you keep your history notes?"_

"In my notebook."

 _"_ _No, really."_

"In my house."

 _"_ _I'm already in your house."_

"Why are you in my house?"

 _"_ _To find your history notes. Where are they?"_

"My backpack is in my closet."

 _"_ _Thank you."_

Mai hangs up.

She tries to call Ty Lee eighty times. Ty Lee does not answer.

Azula lies down on her towel and waits to die.

[X]

On Monday, Azula sits with Ty Lee and Mai, analyzing the former closely. She still does not know if she truly did talk to Ty Lee on Saturday night, and she _must_ know. At the moment, she sits and studies the scraps of script for the school play.

She has no choice but to be in it, not that she minds much. Of all of her limitless extracurriculars, drama is not half bad.

"So, what's the play?" Ty Lee asks as Azula finishes reading the fourth page.

" _Antigone_ ," Azula answers.

Ty Lee squints. "What's _Antigone_?"

Azula expected that one.

"It is about four siblings, sort of. More like two sisters, but their brothers are important. They're all the children of Oedipus and his mother—"

"He had sex with his mom?" Ty Lee exclaims, stunned. Two freshmen briefly turn to stare.

Azula cocks a condescending eyebrow. "And in other breaking news, Darth Vader is Luke's father."

"Huh?"

Mai sighs and rubs her temples. "Sarcastic, Ty Lee. She's being sarcastic."

"Anyway, the brothers killed each other and the new ruler of Thebes, King Creon, decides to properly bury one brother and refuse burial to the other. Antigone buries her brother illegally and gets caught. She essentially just sprinkles some dirt on him in the adaptation I saw, but same thing. Some middle stuff happens and then everyone kills themselves like the Halley's Comet Cult."

"Does Antigone kill herself?" inquires Ty Lee, surprisingly interested in something other than manicures and lipgloss.

"Yes," replies Azula.

Ty Lee screws up her face in thought. "But it's named after her."

Azula tries not to throttle her. This has become taxing. "It's an old Greek tragedy by Sophocles. In almost all tragedies, for example Shakespearian ones, the titular character always dies. Think _Hamlet_." Pause. Ty Lee does not know what that is, and so Azula tries again. "Think _Romeo & Juliet_."

"Oh," Ty Lee says, nodding.

Azula hands Ty Lee the papers. "You should try out too. You'd make a really good tree."

 _I would like having you at rehearsal,_ Azula thinks.

Then she thinks about the distinct memory of making out with a strange girl. Then she thinks about how much she would love to do that with her best friend. Then she thinks about not thinking and fails.

"Really?" Ty Lee asks and Mai groans.

"I do," Azula purrs.

She does have the supernatural ability to make insults sound pretty.

Mai will give her that.

* * *

 **Chapter Ten:** Like a Smoking Gun

* * *

"I'm so excited to meet your grandparents!" Ty Lee exclaims, slamming her sister's car door shut. Azula stares at the formidable house in front of her.

"My mother's parents," she halfheartedly corrects.

"Why do you hate them again? I can't keep track of all the people you hate and why sometimes," Ty Lee says as they walk up the stone path.

"I don't hate them. I simply do not associate myself with my mother's family or friends. I have my father's parents and they're awful enough on their own," Azula remarks, knocking on the door.

Bunny wraps herself around her future stepmother as they wait. It feels like waiting for a guillotine to fall. The door opens and suddenly Azula is being hugged by a woman wearing cheap perfume. Her husband stands behind her.

As Azula steps back, she decides that she would rather fight ten ferrets than look dear Grandma Rina in the eyes. Their parting ten years ago was… awkward, to say the least.

"This must be your fiancée. The engagement announcement was cute," she says, beaming at Azula, Bunny and Ty Lee.

Azula nods at her fiancée. "She picked it out. She also picked out the guest list."

Ty Lee slaps Azula's elbow. She has a _very_ bad feeling about this family reunion.

"Thank you," Ty Lee says, "for taking us in on such short notice. Azula tried really hard to get us a hotel room."

"Well, how about the grand tour?" offers Rina.

Azula watches Ty Lee and Bunny step inside and takes a deep breath. It does not look like any home owned by one of the Shinohais.

[X]

Ty Lee watches Food Network downstairs as Azula locks herself in the guest room and frantically dials her stepmother's phone number. After four calls, she finally answers.

"Mai, this is urgent," Azula hisses, glancing over her shoulder.

 _"_ _Yes?"_

"I am in my mother's parents' house. Will you come distract them?"

 _"_ _I would rather die. Why are you in your grandparents' house?"_

"My mother's parents' house," Azula vehemently snaps. "I tried to stay with Ty Lee's sister but then Bunny was attacked by a ferret. There was also more dirt on the floor than there was outside and our bed was a half-deflated air mattress, which weighed into my decision."

 _"_ _And the hotels were full?"_

"Apparently, yes. Some golf tournament. I don't know how to interact with them."

Mai laughs. She only laughs when she thinks of something particularly cruel, and Azula braces herself. _"Didn't they pick you up from the hospital?"_

"Yes. That was the last time I saw them."

 _"_ _You were like seventeen."_

"I know. That's why I need you to come to my aid."

 _"_ _There is nothing you can say to convince me to do that."_

"I beg to differ."

 _"_ _I'm hanging up now."_

Click.

[X]

"What are we even fighting about?" Ty Lee exclaims at three in the morning. She has definitely not made a good impression on her in-laws. Again.

They have been at it for almost an hour, and silence fell moments ago as they stopped to catch their breath.

"These awful yellow pillowcases," replies Azula, although she knows what Ty Lee meant. Maybe Ty Lee will take that bait and Azula will not have to talk about her second thoughts.

"We're not fighting about pillowcases. The pillowcases were the straw that broke the chameleon's back."

"The camel's back," Azula corrects under her breath.

"Whatever. Both of those work," Ty Lee snaps.

Azula snarls, "I want to leave this awful place and go home."

Ty Lee contemplates their conversation for a few moments. Figuring out Azula has never been easy, but Ty Lee thinks she might be getting the hang of it.

"You don't have to be scared," she softly says, taking Azula's hands gently in hers.

Azula pushes her away. "I am not scared. I have no fears."

"You have fears, Azula," Ty Lee replies.

"No. Nothing is capable of scaring me," Azula fervently insists.

"You fear failure and rejection and attachment…" Ty Lee feels like that is not enough. "And probably clowns. Most people are afraid of clowns, so I think it's a fair guess."

"I am not most people," snaps Azula.

Ty Lee tries to smile. "Okay, so you're not afraid of clowns. You're definitely afraid of the other things I said."

"And you are not nearly as afraid of me as you used to be."

"Because I see the human in you."

"That's not cliché," sarcastically says Azula.

"It's romantic. Sometimes romantic stuff is cliché."

Azula shrugs.

This fight is not worth it.

[X]

Azula walks downstairs and breakfast waits for her. She finds it to be too kind; it cannot be good news. Well, maybe she has just lived in New York for too long. Kindness is a synonym for suspicious in the northeast.

"You look very healthy," sweetly says Rina, handing Azula coffee that hopefully is not poisoned.

Azula had hoped no one would mention that. But, of course, nothing ever works out for Azula Shinohai. According to herself, at least.

"Thank you," Azula forces herself to say, sitting down beside Ty Lee. "So, I heard you moved from Arizona but I never found out why."

"My mom lives here," explains Azula's mother's mother.

Ty Lee interjects, "How sweet of you! My mom moved here to be closer to my two sisters."

"Which is an entire third of their daughters," Azula coldly adds, sipping her coffee.

"Three sets of twins," Ty Lee explains with a small, friendly laugh.

Azula devotes the entirety of her attention to the chipped blue mug.

"They do run in families," says Rina.

Ty Lee gestures at her daughter, whom is messily devouring waffles. "Bunny isn't one."

"She's such a nice little girl," remarks Rina.

"You clearly don't know her well yet," Azula purrs. "She's a scam artist and tantrum addict who will probably hug you and then bite off your ear." Pause. "I'm stunned she isn't my daughter by blood."

Rina inquires, "She's from a previous marriage?"

Ty Lee replies, "A previous engagement. We never got married. I ran into Azula and left him for her."

Azula's mother's mother remarks, "It's just like your parents. That's adorable."

"What about your parents?" Ty Lee turns to face Azula, curious.

Azula begrudgingly admits, "My mother was engaged when she met my father at a Halloween party. She had her fiancée with her as a date but went home with my father that night. Such a colorful history of cheating."

Rina asks, "Where did you two run into each other in such a big city?"

"Outside of a… theatre," Azula explains, feeling warm when she thinks about that cold day. "It was snowing and I offered her a ride."

That is the story they agreed upon. It is not as romantic as the truth, but more flattering to the content of their character than the reality.

"Were you in the play?" Rina asks Azula. "You were so incredible in _Antigone_."

"That was a long time ago," Azula scathingly replies. "Ty Lee was a professional dancer. She went to New York for ballet school originally. I own an oil company now and also have never made a bad investment. It certainly pays better than Broadway."

Ty Lee cleans off Bunny's sticky hands and says, "We should get going. My family will all be there by now and I haven't seen them in forever."

Azula silently stands up, wonders if she should say goodbye, and walks to the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:** My Bloody Valentine's Dance

* * *

On Friday, Zuko sits in his bedroom at his father's pretend palace.

He came down to Los Angeles as soon as he was done with school this afternoon in order to go to this stupid dance with Mai. Staying with his father and sister is Hell, but she is gorgeous and mysterious and he has never had a _real_ date to an event.

At the moment, he reads _Go Tell it on the Mountain_ for his English class, wearing a pair of sweatpants with his semiformal clothes draped over his desk chair. Homework is preferable to sitting around talking to Azula and Ozai, and at the moment they are discussing the ground rules of Azula going somewhere with a boy. Zuko is not touching that traditional father-daughter conversation with a ten-foot pole.

Something knocks on his window and he jumps up. Zuko steps across his room, wondering if he should grab a weapon, and then sees amber eyes glimmering in the moonlight. Zuko shoves open his window and Mai slips inside.

He thinks he catches a glimpse of a smile, but knows his assumption is probably erroneous.

"You look so ready for this dance," she sarcastically says, looking him up and down.

"And you do?" He examines her dirty oversized coat.

She unflinchingly takes it off and he starts to look away before seeing that there is a dress under it. "I wasn't going to climb a roof in just this dress."

It is glistening, metallic black, and it looks amazing. When he sees her outfit, Zuko wants to ask why she did not just come to the front door, but he thinks that might be a dumb idea. Mai sits down on his bed and picks up his English book.

"What's this?" she inquires, waving it in the air.

Zuko has only been skimming it to tell the truth, but he offers the best answer he has. "A book about a boy with a terrible father who he inexplicably wants to make happy."

"I didn't know you had a diary," Mai replies and he tries to stifle his laughter.

She _does_ smile this time.

[X]

Fifteen minutes later, Mai and Zuko are on the front lawn with Ty Lee and her dears Haru. Azula stands on the porch and begrudgingly accepts the flowers from her date. She does not even remotely like him, but she wants to go with _someone_. A Valentine's Dance is not meant to be braved alone, especially when Mai and Ty Lee both have dates.

"You look hot," says Hahn and Azula nods.

"I know." Azula steps off of the porch and goes to join her frustrating friends and their damned dates.

He catches up with her, trying to look smooth. At least he has dancing experience to make him move like a remotely appealing young man. Maybe that is why Ty Lee thought he was gorgeous and had a crush on him for years, which, incidentally, is the only thing that matters to Azula.

She does have a few texts from the photographer's daughter…

Texts to which she replied.

"Let's go let's go let's go let's go let's go!" squeals Ty Lee, jumping up and down.

Mai wishes she were home tonight watching her and Azula's annual showing of _My Bloody Valentine_ and Azula feels the same way.

[X]

Azula and Ty Lee make about as much progress as they do at any dance. Mai watches as they try to make each other jealous and therefore perpetuate their obliviousness. Zuko clearly is trying to sleep with Mai by the end of the night. Azula's date seems to have something similar in mind, but Zuko actually has better luck in this case.

At least Mai likes boys.

Azula gets up and walks out.

Hahn turns to Mai but before he can ask she answers, "She's going to the chapel to hide for the rest of the dance because she's too embarrassed to call daddy to pick her up but has no desire to stay at any party or event for longer than an hour."

He sits speechless for a moment before nodding at her and getting up.

Mai would advise him not to follow her, but she does not care enough to do that.

Zuko sighs and watches Ty Lee continue dancing with her boyfriend.

"I want to _call daddy_ to pick me up. I should go convince her to ask him," Zuko says, rising and leaving.

Mai throws up a hand and rolls her eyes. She sits at the table for a few moments, sighs, gets up and decides to drive everyone but Ty Lee home.

She hears Hahn scream in shock before she reaches the chapel.

Mai runs inside and sees Azula skittering backwards on her heels. Hahn looks scared by whatever just happened between them.

Before anyone can say a word, Zuko punches Hahn on the nose. The crunch of cartilage rings through the chapel. Hahn stumbles, Zuko grabs him, and shoves him against the wall. Another punch, another punch, another punch. No one helps the guy, even though Mai thinks she probably should say something.

Zuko does not step back until Hahn's back slams against the statue of St. Agnes, and his elbow cracks and contorts.

Azula seizes her brother by the arm and starts running from the scene.

"You are going to get _arrested_ ," she hisses. "I was handling that. I was going to walk away and leave him feeling very sad for misreading the situation and trying to comfort me. I don't like being comforted and I don't like being kissed by boys."

Zuko wants to ask about that, but chooses not to do so. He thinks he needs her to keep him out of prison.

"I know," Zuko decides to reply as Azula forces her way through the back doors.

They stand outside in the dark, surrounded by parked cars. No one patrols this area of the school grounds for some reason, which is fortunate.

"It was very entertaining, though. I've seen you get into a few fist fights before, and I think that's the only one you won. He didn't even get a punch in." Azula laughs. Zuko at first stares at her like she is crazy, but her cackle is infectious. "You really should be locked up. You're a danger to society."

"I only beat up assholes who deserve it. Like him." Zuko sighs. "Where did you even meet that jerk?"

A harsh reality dawns on Azula. "I hope you didn't break his leg."

Zuko hums and shakes his head. "Statues are not great for breaking falls."

"He's in _The Rite of Spring_ with me. That's how I met him," Azula slowly explains.

The sound of sirens cuts their conversation short.

[X]

Azula sits beside Zuko in uncomfortable plastic chairs beneath bright fluorescent lights.

"Well, I have to say that going to the police station is much more fun than the dance, and twice as fun as watching _My Bloody Valentine_ with Mai again," Azula honestly remarks.

"Again?" asks Zuko, cocking an eyebrow.

"We watch it every year while Ty Lee goes out with boys," Azula admits, staring at her shoes. It sounds depressing when she says it that way.

"That is the third saddest thing I have heard all day," Zuko remarks, frowning mockingly.

Azula asks, "What are the first two?"

Zuko sighs and holds up two fingers. "The second is our father telling me that my date was out of my league and was probably just going to set me up like _Carrie_ and the first was that I am probably going to be charged with felony assault."

Azula cackles. Zuko finds it to be terribly inappropriate.

"You won't be, though. If you even go to court they'll just let you off for having affluenza or something," Azula cavalierly says, which does not comfort Zuko much.

"What's affluenza?" asks Zuko.

"A mental illness that rich kids get because they feel no sense of purpose or drive to succeed or love from their parents that isn't in the form of presents," Azula prattles off.

Zuko contemplates her words for a few moments before replying, "You-you think that would work?"

"No." Azula scoffs and smirks condescendingly at him. "I think our father is going to pay off his parents and as a thank you for your pathetic chivalry I will tell him the truth about what happened."

Zuko sets his hand over his heart. "That's the nicest thing you've ever done for me."

"Don't get used to it," Azula swiftly retorts.

Their conversation ends when they hear their father's voice informing the clerk, "I'm here to collect Zuko Shinohai."

"Sign here," drones the receptionist.

[X]

Ozai sits in his pure white living room with his children, holding his second cup of brandy in one hand. Zuko is across from him on the edge of the hearth and Azula sits on a sofa between the two men. She has been trying to remedy a situation for once.

"He tried to console me when I was not even upset and then rubbed my shoulder—still trying to comfort me for leaving the dance—and kissed me against my will and then called me a slut and so Zuko beat him up and broke his arms plural on a statue of St. Agnes. Which I don't think is blasphemous in this case because she's the patron saint of slighted virgins and innocent young women." Azula emphasizes the last part, which is remarkably uncomfortable for her brother to hear, but very comforting for an overbearing father.

"Yes. You've said that and I still don't believe you," says Ozai.

"Why would I lie to _side with_ Zuko? I hate him." Azula points at her brother.

Ozai sighs and swirls his drink around. Zuko watches every motion of his hand. "Which is why I don't think he would beat someone up to defend you."

"He had to come live with us for two weeks because he got suspended for defending some girl's honor. I think it's something wrong in his brain," Azula clearly states, leaning forward.

Zuko interrupts for the first time tonight, "It's probably affluenza."

"Shut up, Zuko; I'm handling this." Azula turns back to Ozai. "You would do the same thing, if not worse. Probably worse. You would break his _neck_."

"And really—" Zuko screams when Ozai throws his drink into the fireplace. "Oh my God. Why are you so angry?"

"Because you are a miserable failure and if I wish I had faked that paternity test so that you legally wouldn't be mine. You should have killed the boy. It isn't as if you'd see any consequences."

Zuko does not know what to say to that.

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven:** Bandon Chainsaw Massacre

* * *

Azula and Ty Lee stand in front of the disgraced _Better Homes and Gardens_ cover model. Bunny jumps from side to side nervously, squeezing her mother's hand. She scans her surroundings for ferrets.

"Okay, you need Monster and Xanax and probably a lot of cigarettes but I don't endorse or carry those so here." Ty Lee holds out a bottle of soda and a small white pill. "Seriously. It's my family and you really need it."

"Well, I find yours more tolerable than mine. I need four cans and three doses to survive _our_ reunions." Azula pops the pill in her mouth and swallows it with the drink. "Also, sometimes you can be a good secretary. Like right now."

"Do all of your secretaries bring you pills and pop when you need it?" Ty Lee asks, nervously giggling.

"Yes, but you are the one I have chosen to sleep with for more than one night, which makes you the best," says Azula, smirking.

"Thank you," Ty Lee cheerily replies, batting her eyelashes. She then sharply sighs. "Okay, so, speaking of one night stands with girls, you need to be like ultra-wholesome, okay?"

"I am very wholesome," Azula vehemently argues.

Ty Lee shakes her head. "You touched the holy water at St. Peter's and there was the first earthquake New York had seen in years."

"The earthquake was in Virginia; we could just _feel_ it in New York. Some politician probably touched holy water there. Or maybe it was because my parents got married there and I am the unfortunate offspring of such dreadful sin," Azula replies.

Ty Lee rolls her eyes. "Being a terrible match for each other is so not a sin."

"No, I mean that my mom wasn't Catholic, moron," snaps Azula as she reaches forward to knock on the door. Ty Lee stops her. "That's why they had so much trouble finding an officiant."

"Your parents have like a super romantic love story. What went wrong?" asks Ty Lee, batting Bunny away. Her little girl whines.

"I don't know. Wait, so I know ahead of time, what kind of religion should I be?" Azula asks.

"They're very devout protestants," explains Ty Lee, although Azula _should_ know that. They went to Episcopalian school, after all, and so there are only two options.

Azula frowns in thought. "Okay, next question: if I'm being briefed on being appropriate for your deeply conservative family, why are they so okay with… us?"

"Well, they're _super_ against gay marriage, but you're _super_ rich so they've turned a blind eye. Any other questions?" Ty Lee beams.

Azula shrugs and surrenders. "No. That's about it."

Ty Lee knocks on the door.

[X]

Minutes into the party, Bunny tugs on Azula as she stares at the terrifying barbeque. It is not _fun_ rodeo barbeque that her grandfather so dearly loves, nor the Korean kind that is so in vogue. It is something out of a B horror film about rednecks.

She wonders if this is how Ty Lee felt at Christmas in Montana.

Again, Bunny tugs on her soon-to-be stepmother.

"I'm scared of the ferrets. Can we go home?" she wails, blinking back tears.

"I wish. We can go out by the banana tree if you want. It looks like a good hiding place." Azula catches herself. "A good hiding place from the ferrets, of course."

"Yup!" Bunny smiles and bolts for the door.

Azula follows.

[X]

There is an oven in the backyard. It is not a functional oven; it is discarded beside some box of wires and a stained bucket of mystery bottles. It looks like a scene from an apocalypse movie and Azula cannot believe she is marrying into this family.

Their home in Beverly Hills was so beautiful and _ordinary_. They'd be murdered if they had kitchen equipment in their yard. The gated neighborhood had to be kept pristine.

"I love you, Azula," Bunny says, hugging her future stepmother and nuzzling her head against her left side.

Azula pats the little girl on the head.

"Yes. I will protect you from the ferret infestation. I will _try_ to protect you from the inevitable _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ reenactment, but to be honest, I would likely save only myself in that situation," Azula smoothly says, releasing Bunny's hand. Bunny snatches her back.

"You'd save me," Bunny insists.

"Oh, shush. The only reason you love me is because I took you to the Toys R Us and let you buy half of the Barbie mansion. That's what love is."

"Okay." Bunny embraces that harsh truth quite easily.

Azula's phone rings before she can put too much thought into it.

[X]

Ty Lee loses track of Azula and Bunny while catching up with her sisters and their families. She finds them outside by the… oven…

She blushes, because she _knows_ what Azula is thinking. It is also what Ty Lee is thinking, but family is family.

When Ty Lee approaches the banana tree, she calls out, "I'm having so much fun and I haven't seen a single ferret all—"

Ty Lee dodges a flying cellphone, shrieking.

"You have done the worst thing you have _ever_ done!" Azula screams, and Bunny cowers. "Worse than your horrible high school betrayal!"

"Wha-what?" Ty Lee recoils.

"You made my grandfather angry at me!"

"I didn't mean to!" Ty Lee's eyes widen. This truly is the worst of transgressions for Azula Shinohai, or the insane brood she comes from. They are _way_ worse than Ty Lee's sisters, or so Ty Lee believes.

"He wants to know why we have celebrated with my father, and my mother's parents, and your family, but not him," Azula snarls.

Ty Lee looks down at the broken phone. This is bad.

"Azula, I've had more celebrating than I can take," she whispers, sinking into the ground.

"Too bad," spits Azula, walking away from the tree to examine her shattered iPhone. "Weddings aren't celebrating love; they are mourning dysfunctional families. And we're mourning mine, okay!"

Ty Lee puts her hands up in surrender.

[X]

That night in New York, Azula and Ty Lee sit in the back of a limo bracing themselves for their continued celebrations.

And argue about Azula forgoing the barbecue, but _really._

"I'm not saying it was _completely_ like _Deliverance_ , I'm just saying that city people are afraid of rednecks. My last serious girlfriend's family was in the mafia. I mean, I never asked because I'm not stupid, but her last name was Biondello and her family had owned a Italian restaurant in _New York_ since the '50's, so..." Azula shrugs. "Anyway, I went to her grandmother's eightieth birthday party and it was like I had stepped onto the set of the _Godfather_. I was very uncomfortable. She told me a story about her grandfather chopping up a guy and feeding his body to the pigs, and, really, I wouldn't put that exact scenario past your sister's husband..."

"Azula. Maybe you're being judgmental and a little bit racist."

"Maybe I'm the only Asian in the movie, so shut up. One time I dated a girl whose family was poor and-"

"You should really cut this off right there, I think."

"And that was the scariest of them all. So, you're easily third on the list of scariest families I've been involved with."

"Speaking of scariest families, we're at our building _where your dad sent two Yakuza to escort us to dinner_..."

[X]

"You only live in this little penthouse?" Ilah asks, patting Azula's shoulder. Ty Lee squints. "You poor thing."

Azula's home might be huge compared to most of New York City, but it is little when it comes to Azulon and Ilah. They have never shared a bedroom. In fact, they rarely share a house.

"I make it work," Azula sweetly says, showing the grace of a noblewoman and the class of a princess. Ty Lee honestly wishes there was some of that for _her_ family, but her family does not have fortune of Scrooge McDuckian proportions, and Azula values money above all else in life. "Now, I have no idea where you two would like to stay, but me and Ty Lee will accommodate your every need."

"I want the guest room," says Ilah.

"You can have it," Azula warmly replies. Ty Lee has never heard her sound so _kind_ and _inviting_. "Permanently if you want."

She absolutely does not mean that, but she has to save significant face or Zuko's hippie girlfriend will give her family fortune away to _charity_. Azula shudders at the thought.

"Where do I stay?" Azulon asks, dropping his luggage in the center of the living room. Bunny flinches, but no one notices. The tension between the adults rivals a Mexican standoff.

"Well, grandfather, you can have our room," Azula generously offers, further forcing her smile. "Ty Lee and I will stay with Bunny."

Azulon grunts. "I don't sleep in beds where people have had sex."

Azula replies, "You're pretty safe with us."

And Ty Lee inquires, "How do you sleep in hotels?"


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N:_** _The Rite of Spring technically only has one lead: The Chosen One (Azula's role), but there are some scenes with a guy and I'd call that playing opposites; there's a lot of chemistry. So bear with the slight deviation from what a normal rehearsal for the ballet would be. This chapter is also less joke-filled than usual, because it leans more towards the soap opera drama side of this story. I hope it's still enjoyable.  
Update: I added three scenes I felt were missing and so I reposted the chapter. There's one with Azula and Zuko, one with June, and one with Ty Lee and Ilah. I edited and cleaned up a few things too. Altogether, I just thought the original version of this chapter wasn't funny enough, and I needed to insert the spark of a plotline that's coming up.  
_

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve:** The Photographer's Daughter

* * *

At ballet class, Azula faces the consequences of what her brother did.

Eyes are on her. She knows that. News spreads fast when Ty Lee is a witness.

"I have to replace Hahn," says her director. The woman has thought through her plan over the course of two days, since her leading man is indisposed. "Azula, Ty Lee, you both did very well as opposites in Swan Lake. Ty Lee, I'm bumping you up to the second most important role."

Azula turns to Ty Lee. They will dance together in the most sexual ballet ever made. It will not be easy to be face to face in scant nude colored cloth as they dance.

Ty Lee thinks she is going to have a lot of sex dreams this spring.

[X]

Azula goes to her mother's house for the weekend. She cannot believe she has to do this twice a month. If she has a mental breakdown, it is the law's fault for enforcing complicated custody rules.

"Because you're going to be a serial killer when you grow up," Zuko snarls during the painful car ride.

She is trapped in traffic with Ursa and Zuko and wants to kill herself.

"I think _together_ we have all of the symptoms of a serial killer," Azula hypothesizes in response to Zuko's snide comments. "See, I am the cool ones, like arson and superficial charm, and you are the depressing ones like bedwetting and necrophilia."

" _Azula_ ," snaps Ursa.

"Well, it's not like anyone _alive_ is going to have sex with him, mother," Azula retorts, smirking.

"Mai would!" Zuko snaps.

"Oh, Mai wouldn't. Even she has some standards."

" _Azula,"_ mother chides.

But Azula is undeterred. "Mai is more likely to screw our father than you."

" _Azula,"_ mother chides, louder this time.

Zuko suggests with a small, aggravating laugh, "You're in love with Mai. I thought you were in love with Ty Lee, but you're in love with Mai."

"Who says they're not both in love with me?" Azula demands.

"I said..." Zuko stops. He knows she knows what he said, and he will never make any progress with her.

As soon as they get home, she rushes to her bedroom, sits on her bed and picks up her phone. She was _going_ to start her essay on Robespierre for history class, but has more interest in her potential girlfriend.

Her texts from June still are there. She takes a deep breath, tries to be brave, and texts the photographer's daughter asking if they can meet up.

 _Let's roller skate, Shinohai. ;)_

At first, Azula thinks that is some sort of sexual slang that she does not know. Then June texts her the address of a roller rink, thank God.

Azula thinks it will be a weird date location, but she needs to clear her mind and get a girlfriend. Ty Lee is the subject of her thoughts far too often, and maybe Azula should move on with someone equally hot.

She convinces her uncle to give her a ride, putting headphones in to avoid his lectures and wringing her hands while her heart palpitates from apprehension.

[X]

Azula walks through the front door. The _smell_ of this place is awful, so she sprays on a little more of her perfume. Well, her cologne, but no one knows that it is the men's kind. Probably.

June approaches her with a smirk on her lips.

"Are you ready?" she asks.

Azula nods. "I was born ready."

"Can you even skate?" June's lips twitch.

"Of course I can. You will find that there is nothing I cannot do." Azula holds up her own pair—well, one she convinced Iroh to buy her on the ride here—and June nods towards the chairs where Azula can change her shoes.

June kneels down to tie them. Azula would snarl at or kick anyone else who tried to do that, but the sensation of her date's breath on her knees is worth the embarrassment. She wishes she remembered more about them making out in a darkroom.

"I'll win you a stuffed animal, sweetheart." June winks.

Azula is the one who wins prizes for pretty, weak girls, in her daydreams and fantasies about her future relationships. Yet, she has never heard anything sexier than that.

Maybe she can forget her crush on the girl next door.

[X]

June stops her lips an inch away from Azula's.

"This is your first kiss, isn't it?" asks the tattooed girl.

They stand among hipsters. Everywhere hipsters. So many hipsters. All of these hipsters watching Azula's deer in the headlights expression when her date leans over to kiss her goodnight.

"Of course not," vehemently says Azula, which is technically true although this is the first _real_ one that _counts_.

"You scared me when I first met you," says June, "but now I see you're not all that intimidating."

Azula sneers. "I am..." She stops just short of her threat. No, she is absolutely kissing June. That is happening.

So Azula takes the initiative and makes a landslide miss. She kisses her _eye_. Her _eye_. Nowhere cute like her _nose_ or something. Her _eye_.

Azula Shinohai just wants to die.

June laughs. Azula resists the urge to punch some girl with blue hair and stupid glasses who gawks and snickers.

"I'd like to go on another date with you sometime," says June. "Do you still need a ride home?"

She nods towards her car.

Azula Shinohai just wants to die.

On the plus side, she probably has a girlfriend.

On the negative side, everything else.

Especially telling her _father_ about June...

[X]

When Azula gets home, "Daddy," she nervously says, wringing her hands. "I have to tell you something very private that may shock you."

His golden eyes flash with sudden rage. "If you are pregnant..."

"No," Azula hastily clarifies, waving her hand dismissively. "I am not pregnant. I have started dating someone at mother's house."

"Who?" Ozai narrows his eyes. It is the last thing he ever wanted to hear. She is far too young for a relationship of any kind.

Azula ends up shouting her confession, "Her name is June! She's a girl! I think I like girls!"

Pause. Azula's heart races.

"Was that a secret?" replies Ozai, bewildered, and Azula's jaw drops. "Oh, don't act so surprised. I thought you were already out."

"You thought what?" Azula's eyes widen.

Ozai turns up his palms. "You could not be more obvious of a lesbian if you were wearing more flannel than a Pearl Jam concert while watching football and French kissing Ty Lee."

Azula has no response to that.

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve:** Hellevator

* * *

"Ty Lee, you have today off of work," says Azula Shinohai in the morning after sleeping on Bunny's floor with her fiancée. "You will stay home with my grandmother. She will want to watch MSNBC all day, and you will watch with her. You will not try to change the channel, even if she is on her iPad. You will _absolutely_ not criticize Rachel Maddow's haircut, so help me God."

"I hate the news, Azula," whispers Ty Lee, sipping her hot chocolate while Azula finishes her second cup of coffee in three fast gulps.

"But you love me," Azula says after catching her breath, "and if you love me, you will do this."

Ty Lee closes her eyes and sighs. She knows she will _always_ do what Azula wants her to, because she loves Azula and she is pretty demanding of other people.

"I do love you, so I'll do this," Ty Lee admits, defeated.

It could be worse. She could be taking the conservative one to work with her.

Ty Lee walks to the living room and sits down in front of the huge flat screen television.

"So," she asks her mother-in-law as Azula and Azulon leave for work, "what are you doing?"

"Oh!" Ilah smiles at Ty Lee, looking up from her iPad. "I'm just posting stories about gun violence on Facebook."

Ty Lee forces herself to grin.

"You're saving the world, right?" she brightly asks.

"Not as much as I did when I chained myself to things, but my last Facebook argument got _five likes_ ," says Ilah to a girl who has over five-thousand Instagram followers.

"That's so much!" eagerly lies Ty Lee. "You're like famous! Well, famous in a way you're not already famous!"

Ilah nods and returns to her iPad.

Ty Lee looks up at the ultra-depressing news.

It is going to be a long day.

[X]

Azulon asks his granddaughter, "Have you changed that child's name yet?"

"I intend to begin the process soon," replies Azula.

They sit at Junior's Diner for lunch, interrupting a day in which Azulon criticized and commending the different ways Azula runs his business.

"Good," says Azulon. "I'm curious about your wedding. What's your color scheme?"

That is a question Azula never expected from her grandfather.

"Lavender. I wanted blue, Ty Lee wanted pink; we decided on a middle-ground," explains Azula. "The dresses will be white, of course, and the wedding will be entirely traditional."

"Yes, but do you both have bridesmaid's?" asks Azulon, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'm having a best… woman. Best man, but it's Mai," Azula explains, flashing a smile. She hopes he either laughs or openly accepts it.

Azulon chuckles. Thank goodness. "That's like her, isn't it? She's my favorite spouse in this damned complicated family. Funny and sexy."

Azula somehow manages not to throw up on the classy diner table. Why does every creepy old man want to have sex with her best childhood friend?

"She is very funny and sexy." Azula nods. "And is my best man. Ty Lee will have bridesmaids who will mostly be her sisters. Bunny—Mitsuko—will be flower girl. I will walk down the isle to 'The House of the Rising Sun.'"

Azulon loves that. It is his favorite song, Ilah's favorite song, Iroh's favorite song, Ozai's favorite song and Azula's favorite song. A song about a gambler or a prostitute—depending on the singer—is the one thing the family can wholly agree on. Of course Azula will be married to it.

"Good choice," he says and Azula beams. She loves it when he loves what she does. "Now, I expect you to get married in Las Vegas or Yellowstone. The Brimstone will gladly accept your wedding as a major event, and the National Park is breathtaking, of course, and fitting for cowboys."

Azula desperately wants to point out that Azulon is not a cowboy, but she keeps it to herself.

"We are planning to marry at the Brimstone," earnestly says Azula, gaining a nod of approval from her grandfather.

"I like it," he says.

Their conversation ends when the cheesecake arrives.

[X]

"What happened to you, Ty Lee?" asks Ilah Shinohai, changing the channel to true crime. Ty Lee misses MSNBC the moment she hears the grim narrator and sees the dated pictures of smiling victims. "I had you visiting all the time when you were such a sweet young girl, and then you just vanished."

Ty Lee gives one of her standard, deflecting, partially-comedic responses. "I was in the witness protection program."

"Oh, fine. You don't have to tell me." Ilah smirks. Do they all smirk in their family? "Because I will find out. I'm hiring a few investigators before I let you marry my darling granddaughter."

"You're hiring what now?" Ty Lee's eyes bulge.

"Investigators. They'll make sure you're not bad news," Ilah replies, smiling as if that is _normal_.

Ty Lee, agape, directs her attention to _Dateline_.

[X]

Azula spends half of her day holding perilous conversation with her grandfather as she fills out name change paperwork. Azulon pays the fees himself and in one month, Bunny will be officially named Mitsuko Shinohai.

"You adopted that child before getting married?" Azulon asks as Azula sits in an uncomfortable chair with a clipboard on her lap.

Azula's heart pounds; he sounds like he disapproves.

"I wanted to offer Ty Lee's daughter everything that the Shinohai family does. She was in a dreadful situation with her mother and it was the right thing to do. Noblesse oblige and all of that," Azula explains, carefully watching his expression.

He nods. "That was a good thing of you. I'm proud of you for being so selfless."

Azula's panic mostly recedes.

"We can still nickname her Bunny, right, grandfather?" asks Azula, batting her eyelashes.

He nods, smiling warmly at her. "It's cute, but not fitting for the Shinohai family. A nickname does no harm of course."

As they sit in the limousine on the way home, Azula tries to think about how she can break this news to Ty Lee.

She probably will not be happy about Azula changing their daughter's name.

[X]

"You what?" Ty Lee hisses, trying to keep her voice down. They stand outside of their apartment in the lukewarm springtime air. Azulon and Ilah and Bunny are inside, thankfully, so they cannot hear the argument. "Azula, I trust you and I let you run my life but you can't just _do that_."

Azula shrugs. "You let me adopt her," she whispers.

"Her name is _Bunny_ and I named her _Bunny_ and I like the name _Bunny_ ," Ty Lee whispers.

Azula purses her lips and walks away.

She can do as she pleases, whether Ty Lee protests or not.

[X]

Azula attempts to avoid Ty Lee at work but fails. She thinks her fiancée has unsuccessfully arrived, but she sees her running towards the elevator with her huge, hideous pink purse in tow.

"Hold the elevator please!" shouts Ty Lee, reaching out.

Azula Shinohai jams her finger against the 'close' button as many times as she can.

"I'm trying to! It's not working!" Azula loudly lies, but Ty Lee catches up with her and shimmies inside.

They make it inside of the slowest elevator on the planet heading towards the top floor of a skyscraper. Azula seriously regrets wanting to be the Overlord of the Universe from her wicked fortress of a gorgeous office.

"I am not talking about our daughter," says Azula.

"Who you insist is _my_ daughter all the time!" Ty Lee snaps, huffily crossing her arms.

Azula rolls her eyes behind the mask of her dark sunglasses.

"I am the most giving person in the world," says Azula. "Your daughter has anything she desires in the world thanks to technically being a Shinohai. I also have the power to change her name if I so desire."

"How does that not require both parents to sign?" Ty Lee screeches.

"Five-hundred dollars doesn't require both parents to sign," replies Azula.

"You _bribed_ the people?" Ty Lee breathlessly demands, her already rotund eyes wide. "How desperate are you?"

"When it comes to my grandfather, extremely desperate." Azula adjusts her sunglasses. "How are you not eager to please? You always have been until this _wedding_."

"Well, you just suck at planning weddings and your family is super taxing on my sanity. What's the name of that hospital your dad locked you in because maybe I should stay there until our wedding!" Ty Lee screams. She feels her stomach twist with regret after saying that.

"Unfortunately, I will be in a relationship with your sister when you get home, and so we won't have much of a wedding." Azula does not even smirk about her barbed comment. She still remembers Ty Lee sucking on Zuko's face when she came home.

"Well maybe I'll rescue you like _The Graduate_!" Ty Lee shrieks. Her voice hurts Azula's ears, but the CEO has no desire to stop her. "And we'll run off together into uncertainty."

"Who said I would marry your sister? I never planned on getting married until we fell in love again," says Azula. "I had a lot of fun sleeping with a different girl every over night."

"Every other night?" Ty Lee asks, cocking a eyebrow. "That's kinda specific."

"I am very busy with my work and can only afford to have one-night stands about four times a week. As I did very happily for eight years until I started dating you again," Azula softly says, pointedly turning away from Ty Lee.

Azula reaches into her purse and removes that horrid blue dragon lighter that has inexplicably lasted for millennia like a real dragon and the moment she pulls out a cigarette and Ty Lee impulsively whacks it out of her hand.

"What the fuck?" Azula barely stops herself from throttling her.

"If you're going to raise my daughter then you should be a good example!" screams Ty Lee, glaring with her nostrils flared.

"I am an amazing example! I'm a thousand times more successful than _you_ have ever been! I prove that—"

"That you're really lucky when your grandfather has a business to give you as a graduation present!" shouts Ty Lee.

The elevator stops and opens.

Azula picks up her lighter and walks out of it.

She stares at Ty Lee.

"I am getting a new secretary. You are done here. You can go home," grimly says the CEO.

Ty Lee studies her expression to see ifs she is serious.

She _is_.

With her lip trembling, Ty Lee closes the elevator door and goes to watch MSNB home with Ilah Shinohai.

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** _I'm doing a story taking place in this Universe for Autumn Tyzula Week 2016. If you like the Shinohai family, check it out at the end of the month. Thank you for reading and I hope you're enjoying the show._


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:** A Smoky Sweet Sixteen

* * *

After dance class, three teenage girls sit on the steps of the studio. It has been two days since her first real date and she barely spoke all day at school. Ty Lee filled the silence with her own blathering and Mai wanted to gouge her eyes with the bones from her ears out more than usual.

"I went on a date last weekend," Azula says, which makes Mai burst into laughter. She glares until Mai chokes, takes a deep breath, and straightens her face.

"Wait—really?" Mai asks, as Ty Lee sits still and scared.

"Yes," Azula says, displeased with the reactions of her best friends. "Her name is June and we met in Portland. Before you ask, she's not a hipster."

"That's…" Mai thinks for a moment. "That's actually very healthy for you."

Ty Lee just nods, her face pinker than her mini-dress. Azula revels in how _wounded_ she looks, until her phone rings, she rises, and she leaves to get in the car with her father.

"She can't…" Ty Lee whispers, tears blossoming in her eyes. "But I _love_ her, Mai, I _love_ her. She's my biggest crush since forever and now she's with somebody else."

"A lot of things come to mind, most of them involving your stunning hypocrisy, but I'm going to just go with your stunning idiocy," replies Mai. "Why do you have a crush on the person who once _drowned_ you?"

Ty Lee scowls. "That was… a spa thing."

Mai waves her hand and tiredly sighs. "If that's how your traumatized mind wants to remember the incident."

"And it's not like you've never wanted to have sex with a dangerous and cruel person who's smart which is why she knew so much about torture because she's _smart_."

"No, no, I have not. I'm usually the dangerous, cruel and smart person in a relationship," earnestly says Mai, while Ty Lee begins to cry.

All Mai knows is that Azula would love to see this.

[X]

"Why do you look so pissed?" dares to ask Mai. Azula turns and glares at her.

She has been _trying_ to get Ty Lee to do it, because Azula has always been more forgiving of Ty Lee's intrusions, but Ty Lee has never been so broken-hearted. She still seems to have zero awareness of her hypocrisy, even when Haru makes out with her beside Azula's locker.

"What is today?" Azula demands, which makes Ty Lee's heart begin to race.

"Thursday?"

"March 1st. It is the first day of my Birthday Month."

"Happy birthday month!" Ty Lee blithely exclaims, beaming. Mai has no words. "I can't wait to help plan your party! What theme do you want?"

"I am planning on a Tiki theme, since it is my sweet sixteen and must be perfect. Late night around the pool with copious fire and tropical drinks. It is precisely my kind of party," Azula coldly replies, still annoyed that Mai and Ty Lee did not remember the importance of today.

"That sounds amazing," Ty Lee replies softly, trying to meet Azula's eyes.

But she panics and looks away before she gets the chance.

[X]

Ozai takes his daughter out to dinner to celebrate her birthday month.

Azula arrives at the restaurant and finds, to her displeasure, that he brought a date. Of course he would. Azula does not know why she is so surprised.

She walks up to her father and he meets her gaze. Azula tries not to look disapproving.

"Azula, this is…"

The girl is forced to interject, "Brooke."

"Brooke," he says, which also does not come as a shock.

 _What a wonderful dinner this will be_ , Azula sarcastically thinks to herself.

[X]

Azula has a small fortune's worth of presents by the end of her second birthday week. None of them are _impressive_ , but the month is not over yet. She has finished planning her party and had Ty Lee and Mai give out the invitations to those deemed worthy.

Now Azula has Ty Lee greet everyone who walks through the door as she settles in her throne by the pool. The scent of smoke permeates the air and she loves it, even if it makes her throat scratchy. She has waiters and endless decorations and a huge crowd of people she does not care about. The only thing at this party she does not approve of is her brother, but she doubts there is anything she can do about that.

When Ty Lee's boyfriend arrives, Ty Lee passionately kisses him. Azula watches with jealousy clawing at her throat. She silences it with thoughts of her very sexy girlfriend she will see in one week.

Azula basks in the well-deserved attention. People treat her like a princess every day, of course, but tonight she gets to feel like an empress.

They approach her as she reclines near the water, illuminated by the light of a thousand lanterns and torches.

All hail, Azula, right?

[X]

After two hours, Ty Lee sits beside Azula, bored and watching the crowd mingle in this way and that. Right now, her gaze is fixed on Mai.

"I wish Mai and Zuko would just get together," Ty Lee complains to Azula. "They're so perfect! They would be the perfect couple!"

Azula rolls her eyes. "If I get my brother to sweep her off of her feet tonight will you shut up about this?"

"Yes," Ty Lee excitedly replies, clapping her hands.

Azula stands up. She walks to one of the Tiki stands, the one closest to the pool, and kicks it. It cracks and falls backwards, but does not fall over.

"Mai!" Azula snaps, turning to her best friend. "Help me fix this torch!"

Sighing, Mai walks through the party to Azula. Zuko follows her, of course. Azula glances over her shoulder to guarantee that Ty Lee is watching. When Mai reaches towards the torch, Azula nudges it towards her with her toe and _woosh_ , her black cover-up ignites. Azula steps back and lets Zuko grab her and jump into the pool.

It is one of the best moments of Azula's life, she must admit.

They reach the surface, soaking and gasping for breath.

Azula makes sure they are alive before walking away and sitting back down beside Ty Lee.

"There; he swept her off of her feet," she says, picking up her drink and taking a sip.

Ty Lee remains agape until Mai claws her way out of the pool and walks through the crowd to stand in front of her alleged best friends. She drips, soaked to the bone, and Azula smirks at her. Ty Lee bites her lower lip.

Azula casually sets down her drink and says, "Ty Lee wanted me to get Zuko to sweep you off of your feet."

Mai can only snarl through her teeth, "You guys—you guys are so—so _ugh_ ," before she storms inside of the mansion.

Azula cackles. Ty Lee cannot help but laugh, as guilty as she feels.

[X]

"This party bores me," says Azula to Ty Lee after making her rounds greeting guests like the politician she is at heart.

Mai went home, which would have triggered Azula's wrath on any other occasion. It is her sixteenth birthday and she refuses to let a wet blanket ruin it for her.

She guides Ty Lee into the house and up to her bedroom. They still hear the music, but the walls muffle it enough that this part of the house is at peace. Azula sits down on her bed and sits down her virgin daquiri.

Ty Lee says, "Thank you for setting Mai on fire. Zuko saving her was so cute."

"Don't mention it," says Azula with a smirk. "You still are sleeping over, right?"

"I promised that I was," Ty Lee says, pointing at her bag resting in the corner of Azula's bedroom. "It'll be fun."

"Do you want to play Mortal Kombat?" inquires Azula, graciously standing to open her closet doors.

"Anything you want to do," Ty Lee says to her princess charming.

She and Azula walk into the closet and sit in front of the elaborate entertainment system.

[X]

Azula wins the eighth fight in a row. Ty Lee sets down her controller.

"I don't think I've ever been so defeated," Ty Lee says through laughter.

Azula stares at her, unsure what to say. With the game paused, she remembers the party that rages below them. Azula has been alone together with Ty Lee a thousand times before, but this time is different. Azula does not know why. Ty Lee feels the same way and she is just as clueless.

Ty Lee swallows, irritating her throat which is sore from the smoke downstairs. She leans forward with her heart racing uncontrollably and kisses Azula on the lips.

While Ty Lee half expects to be spin kicked into the wall, she hopes for Azula to return it. Her dreams come true when her girl-next-door kisses her back, reaching for her neck and setting her hand there for a sparse few seconds.

Azula pulls away, leaving them both breathless.

They stare at each other, until Azula shakes her head.

Ty Lee hastily says, "That was awkward, wasn't it? I don't really know why I did that. I mean, I'm so in love with my boyfriend and you have June. I guess I just was wondering what it would be like because of you and June maybe. Or something like that. That really didn't mean anything…"

She prays those words excuse her overstepping her bounds.

Instead, they prove Azula's suspicions right.

"It was nothing," Azula replies, because Ty Lee evidently feels that way.

"Yeah, I didn't mean it either," Ty Lee says.

They both meant it, but neither girl will accept that.

Maybe it is fear of unreciprocated feelings.

More likely, it is fear of reciprocated feelings.

"Sometimes best friends kiss. It happens."

"And you're a girl and I don't like girls so there's that," Ty Lee adds. She _means_ that, even though she has such passionate romantic love for Azula.

Azula sees the honesty in Ty Lee's eyes.

She gets up and says, "I should get back to my party."

Ty Lee nods.

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen:** Trouble in Paradise

* * *

Azula sits at her desk, the door shut, on the phone. Her official story is that she is talking to an important business contact but no, no, no she is not. She is talking to her stepmother.

"All I did was do the right thing for her child," repeats Azula.

 _"_ _Why are you marrying her?"_

"Mai!" Azula snarls, barely keeping herself from throwing her phone at the wall.

 _"_ _If this is how bad it is before you're married, I don't even know what it will be like down the road. Even your parents—who had the worst marriage in the history of time—were fine until_ after _they went through with it. And I don't have a tenth of your dysfunction after six—"_

"You don't have a child! Children fuck everything up in relationships!"

 _"_ _Well, that… that is a good point."_ Pause. _"I mean, if anyone can fuck up a good relationship, it's Zuko."_

"I wish he could've fucked up his stupid relationship with stupid Katara."

 _"_ _You harbor an excessive amount of hatred for Zuko's girlfriends and I'm just going to reiterate the fact that Sigmund Freud himself wouldn't even touch your family."_

"He picks girlfriends deliberately, choosing whoever I will hate most."

 _"_ _I want to call that egomania, but it's probably true, just on a subconscious level."_

"Stop distracting me from the real problem. I just _fired_ Ty Lee and I honestly don't know how I can go home and…"

 _"_ _You could probably tell her that you didn't actually fire her and she just misunderstood you. I don't think she'd notice."_

Mai has a point.

[X]

After work, Azula picks Bunny up from school. Her grandfather has left for the day to meet with an old friend, and so she collects her daughter from the prestigious prep school. Bunny tugs at her uniform as she follows Azula into the car.

"We are going to Toys R Us," announces Azula, and Bunny's eyes light up. Her smile could not be wider. There, this ought to make up for changing her name. "You can pick out whatever you want."

When they arrive, Bunny grabs Azula's hand and runs right for the Barbie Mansion. She wildly runs through the sections while Azula shoots glares at those who disapprove. Bunny ends up with half of the dolls they offer by the time she and Azula check out.

Azula has never been so nervous to go home. Maybe she should tackle Ty Lee too.

She stops on her way and picks out the tackiest and most expensive necklace and bracelet she can find and grabs a lovely bouquet of pink roses.

There. Azula can be _very_ thoughtful when she wants to make sure her fiancée does not get any ridiculous ideas about _breaking up_. Not that Ty Lee would be brave enough to do that. Right?

Azula arrives at her penthouse and prays that this will go well.

Inside, after waiting for ages at home without Ilah, Ty Lee decides she must face Azula. By that, she means give in entirely for fear of losing her princess charming.

"You look miserable," says Azula when she walks in.

She sets down the bags of Barbies and crosses her arms. She had several game plans during the workday and in the limousine but now she cannot remember any of them. Perhaps Ty Lee does have an effect on her that other girls do not.

"I was away from you all day. I had separation anxiety. I get separation anxiety from you and I felt it about my parents for a little while before I decided my home was horrible and I totally rather join the gypsies or the circus. I have it so much from Bunny. I'm worried about her right now and she's just in the other room." Pause. "You must understand."

Dryly, Azula replies, "The only things I have ever had separation anxiety from are my cigarettes and my inheritance."

"Right," Ty Lee says, her breath catching. "I really hope things are okay between us. I knew I wouldn't want to be your secretary forever. We're going to be married so soon, anyway."

Azula decides to go with the most reckless plan she had. It is insane, insane as could be, but she goes for it anyway.

"We should get married in June," Azula says, stunning Ty Lee. "The thirteenth."

"That's the anniversary of—"

"When we got together. I know," Azula says, which leaves Ty Lee confused as could be.

"I didn't know you cared about stuff like that," Ty Lee whispers.

"Neither did I," Azula earnestly replies. "It will be a lovely time of year to get married anyway. It's not peak tourism season at the Brimstone."

Ty Lee hugs Azula and their lips graze against each other.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fifteen:** Interstate

* * *

On Friday afternoon, "The bitch is real," Ty Lee hisses, glowering at her phone.

She sits in her bright pink bedroom with Mai. They both are on the nail-polish-stained fluffy white carpet, sitting across from each other after a tiring day at school. Their best friend left early since she had two free periods at the end of the day, and now they are fairly lonely.

Mai looks up from her own and says, "You didn't realize that when Azula voluntarily went to stay with her mother for an extra weekend?"

"I'm a hopeful person!" When Mai laughs, Ty Lee makes a sound like an angry cat.

Mai has never seen Ty Lee this angry. She would comfort her if she cared, but instead she just shrugs. "Haru is real too."

Ty Lee flushes bright red, flustered and enraged as she shrieks, "Yeah, well, then I'm gonna break up with him!"

"In hopes that it will make Azula break up with June and marry you and have little babies?" Mai sardonically asks, setting down her iPhone.

"In hopes of the first one," says Ty Lee, startling her best friend. "The other two would just be bonuses."

Mai slowly says, "Haru is the best boyfriend you've ever had, and I don't think you should break up with him. I don't know June but—"

"We should meet her!" Ty Lee exclaims, clapping her hands together. "We can meet her and then show Azula how horrible she is!" Ty Lee grins excitedly at her own idea. "Let's do it!"

Mai makes a mental note to make new friends. "How are you going to get to Portland?"

Ty Lee taps her chin in mock thought. "Uh, Haru can drive and has a car."

And Mai exasperatedly sighs. "So, you're going to take your current boyfriend to help you break up the girlfriend of your crush so that you can break up with him and get together with her?"

Ty Lee does not bat and eyelash as she retorts, "Yup."

All Mai can do is shrug. "I'll get my coat. This sounds hilarious."

"You should pack some stuff too. It's like a sixteen-hour drive."

[X]

Zuko knocking on Azula's door disrupts her Saturday afternoon hiding session. She has been pleasantly concealed in her bedroom, and now he has to ruin it like he always does.

"Your friends are here," Zuko calls through the wood. Azula rolls her gilded eyes.

Azula hisses, "What friends? I only have two friends and—"

Zuko brashly interrupts, "And they're at the door with that football kid Ty Lee took to the dance."

Stunned, Azula stands, opens the door, shoves her brother out of her way, and walks downstairs. Lo and behold, three idiots are waiting for her in the foyer. Ty Lee beams at her, Haru awkwardly waves, and Mai glares.

"You two should come inside," warmly offers Ursa, against Azula's will.

"Thanks, Mrs. Azula's Mom!" Ty Lee says brightly, dropping her pink suitcase on the hardwood floor. Azula glowers from the grand staircase.

Mai walks to the living room, throws her ratty black backpack onto the floor and curls up on the couch. Haru shuffles his feet while Ty Lee hugs Azula tightly.

"Why are you here?" Azula asks, prying Ty Lee off her.

"We wanted to surprise you for your birthday!" lies Ty Lee, and everyone believes her. It _is_ just like her to do something such as that.

"Which is not until Wednesday," Azula says.

"Then we can meet June!" Ty Lee insists, refusing to give in so easily.

Azula cocks an eyebrow. "Did you… drive from LA to Portland to meet June?"

"Yes!" Ty Lee closes her eyes and grins.

Azula glances at her secret crush's companions. "With Haru and Mai?"

"Double— _triple_ date! Triple date!" Ty Lee looks thrilled.

Mai says from the sofa, "This is the quietest she's been in almost twenty-four hours."

"Hi, Mai," Zuko awkwardly says, waving with one sweaty hand.

Mai slowly looks up. "Oh… hey there. How's it going, buddy?"

"N-not bad. Uh… buddy." Zuko averts his eyes.

Ty Lee turns to Ursa. "Okay, so I know she's not being really flattering, but Mai is the best girlfriend for your son. I think they're so cute together which is why I had Azula set Mai on fire last weekend so that Zuko would push her into the pool and I think they're just awkward about that."

"Okay, glossing over Azula setting Mai on fire—" Ursa says.

"So that Zuko would push her into the pool," Ty Lee corrects, unbidden but unknowing.

"Right," Ursa quizzically says, looking around her living room. "I think that you all should probably rest. We have plenty of room."

"I'm in favor of rest," says Mai, standing up.

"You can't stay in with Zuko," says his mother. He glares, but adjusts his bitter expression once she looks away.

"I wasn't planning on it." Pause. "Thank you for tolerating our intrusion, or whatever."

"You're welcome," replies Ursa.

Azula, however, still looks livid.

[X]

"Mrs. Azula's Mom?" Zuko asks Ty Lee as soon as they get upstairs.

Ty Lee pouts at him. "Well, she remarried and I don't know her last name now."

"She married my uncle," flatly says Azula, uncertain how Ty Lee could miss that.

"So?" Ty Lee is befuddled.

Azula says, "She married my _paternal_ uncle."

Ty Lee just squints.

Mai interjects as she opens the guest room door, "She won't get it, Azula."

And so Azula rolls her eyes and says, "Shinohai. Her last name is Shinohai."

"Still?" Ty Lee's eyes widen in shock.

"Yes, because my uncle and my father have the same last name." Azula pointedly rubs her temples. "They're brothers."

Ty Lee blinks several times. "Hm."

[X]

That evening, in the dark of the night, June examines her black fingernails as the kids from California arrive at the bowling alley. They look like she expected. Azula described a football kid, a bubbly girl dressed like a toddler in a tiara, an apathetic goth who is actually a hipster but does not know it, and her brother. Zuko warned her that 'Azula always lies' but this seems true enough.

"I hate bowling," says Mai, again dodging Zuko's attempt to wrap his arm around her. He does not seem to get the hint until she jabs him with her elbow. "I really do."

"So do I," June says, looking the girl up and down. "It's terrible. Do any of us like bowling?"

"I _love_ bowling!" chirps Ty Lee, wrapping herself around Haru.

Azula hosts a brief fantasy of snapping his neck.

[X]

Zuko is good at bowling. Azula is not good at bowling.

Right now, Haru has promised to beat Zuko for Ty Lee, which makes Azula kind of want to grab the lighter from June's jacket pocket and just burn him alive along with her brother.

This is the sole worst and most unfair activity Azula has _ever_ partaken in. And so, she sits down close to June and pretends that her brother and the other three people she thinks she might now hate do not exist.

June kisses her. Azula kisses June. It… makes her forget about her awful brother and awful mother and this awful city and awful bowling alley. In fact, the bliss of it is alien and overwhelming to a girl who never bothered falling in love with someone.

While their lips are locked, Ty Lee jumps up and grabs Mai by the elbow.

"Mai has to go to the bathroom," Ty Lee hastily announces, but no one is listening but Haru.

As soon as Mai and Ty Lee reach the solitude of the bathroom, Ty Lee turns to Mai with abnormal sadness in her eyes.

"They're happy together," Ty Lee whispers, her voice constricted with emotion. "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

Mai does not know how to respond to that.

[X]

After Ty Lee dries her eyes and returns to the triple date, Zuko wins the game; Haru demands a rematch. Azula walks outside and sits down on the back of Haru's truck. It is shiny, black, and fades into the night. While Azula thinks she also vanished, Ty Lee wonders if she glows and glistens, because she is more beautiful than the stars or illuminated city.

Ty Lee walks to Azula and sits down beside her.

"You're probably really good at bowling. You're really good at everything," she says softly as she situates herself beside her best friend.

"I know. I just think it is disgusting in there." Azula sighs. "Did you drive all the way up here to meet June because of that kiss?"

It is the perfect time to confess their feelings for each other.

However, they know the thousand reasons it would be a bad idea—and they still have the sneaking suspicion that it is not mutual, despite all evidence otherwise. Azula may be clever, but she is romantically clueless, and Ty Lee interprets Azula's coldness as indifference. It is like putting your hand too close to the stove; even if you want to touch it, your body won't let you because it does not want to get burned.

"No. That was a… a mistake, you know, and I'm sorry, and you and June look really happy together." _Really happy_ , Ty Lee silently laments behind her smile. "I just came up here because I was jealous about your happy relationship because I'm thinking that maybe Haru is cheating on me. That's why I was being kind of mean to your girlfriend."

"He probably isn't cheating on you. His kindness and loyalty sickens me."

"I hope not. I don't know why you're friends with me. I'm not friends with you material."

"You are friends with me material, because I am very selective."

"Really?"

"Yes. You're special," Azula says, and she watches Ty Lee fall to pretty little pieces.

It is too easy.

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen:** Interstellar

* * *

It is Valentine's Day. Azula wakes up, wraps a robe around herself and talks to Ty Lee over coffee. Her fiancée looks brilliantly excited, as she always does today.

"Where do you want to go?" Azula inquires, sipping from her mug.

"Bunny," says Ty Lee, her tongue-twisted from pure thrills.

"That's not a place," says Azula mockingly, "but if you are asking what we will do with our daughter, I am planning on bringing her. We will do a family Valentine's Day."

"That's so romantic." Pause. "As long as it doesn't include _your_ family."

Azula cannot help but agree. "It doesn't, thank God. Now, tell me where you want to go."

"Let's just stay here," Ty Lee dreamily says, fantasizing about a thousand romantic ways to spend the day. They could be such a cute family together, savoring their white picket fence ending.

"Not Paris or Costa Rica or San Francisco? Asia? My father and Mai are in Singapore. On business, but they're not very romantic people. My grandparents are in Venice," says Azula.

"I wanna stay here. New York is super romantic. We can take Bunny to the Alice in Wonderland Monument and we can have a picnic and then go shopping for wedding stuff and then see a movie and make Valentine's Day Oreo pops and then go to Jekyll and Hyde's."

Azula agrees, but those plans are devastated when Bunny coughs, sneezes, and vomits all over the floor of Azula's beautiful penthouse.

[X]

Azula scrubs her hands with scented hand-sanitizer for the thousandth time this morning. She sits at work but cannot shake the disgusting germs in her home. Ty Lee scrubbed the mess and tucked Bunny back in bed while Azula slid into the shower and located her box of five Lysol cans.

She sterilized her penthouse and went to the office, but she might get sick.

Sick. She might get sick. _Sick_.

That is not something she _does_. Being congested gives her panic attacks and being ill makes her feel wildly out of control. This is the price of being a parent, is it not? Little slimy creatures made of germs and con-artist tendencies.

Azula assumes she will have to stay home today, because Ty Lee needs to take care of her daughter. Of course, Azula does too, but she does not do _sick_.

Maybe one day that will change.

[X]

Azula lingers at work for as long as she can, but eventually must go home. On the street, as she walks, she sees a young man propose to a young woman. She jumps into his arms and they spin around in circles. The ring drops and rolls away into the sewer.

After staring for a moment or two, Azula makes it home as the sun sets over the city. Bunny is fast asleep while Ty Lee sits on the sofa in a gorgeous short pink kimono.

"Let's watch the _Notebook_ and cry together. The most romantic thing two people can do is cry in each other's arms," Ty Lee airily suggests in a puzzlingly husky voice.

"If you want me to cry with you, you have to choose between _Interstellar_ and _Armageddon_. They are the only movies that have ever made me shed a tear." They made her bawl like a baby, to tell the truth, but Azula will never admit it.

" _Interstellar_ is on Hulu," Ty Lee chirps, jabbing the remote in the direction of the color television. "You'll cuddle with me, right? Cuddle and cry? It's _Valentine's Day_ , the day of love."

"No," says Azula as Ty Lee starts the movie.

 _Interstellar_ is the science fiction tale of how much a father will sacrifice for his youngest daughter and how much he will ignore his elder son to favor her. Therefore, it wounds Azula even more than the sacrifice in _Armageddon_ that always makes her cry. _San Andreas_ makes her tear up too, but the lack of death keeps her emotions under control.

Ty Lee has figured out that the only way to get Azula to sob during a movie is to watch something about a father and a daughter. According to Mai, Ozai is the same way.

"But don't you love me?" Ty Lee asks, her eyes widening like a begging puppy.

Azula sighs and sits down on the sofa. She hears Bunny hacking up a lung in the other room and shudders.

"Oh, well, since you _are_ the only woman I have ever loved… still no," says Azula.

Ty Lee wraps herself around Azula anyway.

[X]

Ty Lee whispers after they have sex, "Why do you get so sad about father sacrifices? Your dad never sacrificed anything for you."

"That is the reason why," Azula says, turning away in bed while she speaks. "I remember every single recital, every play, every dance competition or ballet show. He always had to work. I remember being about fourteen and he was going on this important business trip for the entire summer and he promised me for months ahead that we would go together. Then, we got to the day of, and he told me he had to go alone. I never really got over those wounds."

"You're being so honest. This is the best Valentine's Day gift ever," Ty Lee gushes, wrapping herself around Azula so that her lips hover above her neck.

"He regrets it too. That's why he cries during the same movies as me and at no other fictional times," Azula whispers, and Ty Lee kisses her right under her ear. "I'm calling him. You go to sleep or do whatever you want. Valentine's Day is over now."

Ty Lee still is on Cloud Nine. Azula never has opened up like that before! It seems to be a good sign for their relationship.

Meanwhile, the CEO dials her father's phone number.

Mai answers his phone and groggily asks, _"What time is it where you are?"_

Azula retorts, "Is my father there? And it's not even remotely late or too early where you are. I checked Singapore time so you cannot give me some criticism about calling you at four in the morning like you so often do."

 _"_ _Ugh. Why are you calling_ me _?"_

"He will not answer, and I called him at least forty times."

 _"_ _What do you want?"_

"I want to talk to my father."

 _"_ _About what?"_

"Does that matter to you?"

 _"_ _Have you been crying or are you just at last suffering the effects of smoking?"_

"Where is my father?"

 _"_ _He's elsewhere. I'm in the hotel watching Netflix and drinking a liter of Mountain Dew before we go to dinner later. Can I take a message?"_

"Whatever." Azula lividly hangs up.

She wipes under her eyes and lies down in bed beside Ty Lee.

[X]

In the morning, feverish and with Zillow open on her phone, "I'm thinking about buying a house in LA," says Azula to her fiancée.

"Is this because of _Interstellar_?" Ty Lee asks, cocking an eyebrow.

"No," sharply replies Azula, glaring. "It is because of the contagion in my home with Bunny as patient zero. If I had another house, I could go there, and if that house was in LA, my father and Mai could get sick instead of us."

Ty Lee asks, persisting against intelligence, "It's not because you miss your dad?"

"No, it is not because I miss my father," lies Azula, crossing her arms. Ty Lee shrugs. "Do you want to go look for houses with me?"

"Are you going to suggest that I leave Bunny here?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"I—maybe this needs more planning—are we even ready to move across the country?"

"We are not _moving_. We are purchasing a second home."

"It's not like, exactly an _island_ , but that sounds fun!"

Ty Lee's smile makes Azula smirk.


	15. Chapter 15

**_A/N:_** _I need to edit the past few chapters. I feel like I've been phoning it in for many scenes so I put hours and hours into making this chapter something I'm proud of. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy._

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen:** Prom Prep

* * *

On April 8th, June sits in the second living room, her back against the foot of the sofa, beside Azula as they marathon the _Alien_ movies. They have just completed _Aliens_ and Azula crawls to open the book of blu-ray special editions. She skips the third film and picks up the fourth disc.

"And we're skipping the third one why?" asks June, untying and retying her ponytail. She picks up another skittle before Azula thinks through her reply.

"The third one is awful," expresses the Shinohai girl, "and you don't need to see it to understand the fourth one."

June cocks an eyebrow and pops another red skittle into her mouth. "I've heard people hate the fourth one too."

Azula carelessly shrugs one shoulder. "I disagree. It is iconic, and also Sigourney Weaver made that basketball shot herself without any special effects on the first try. The movie is worth watching if only for that incredible fact."

June suddenly finds herself intrigued. "So, why are you so into Sigourney Weaver?"

Azula sits back on her haunches and casually explains, "She and Harrison Ford were my childhood heroes. Well, Ellen Ripley and—"

"Han Solo."

"No."

"Indiana Jones?"

"No."

June sucks in a breath and tries to think now. "The guy from _Blade Runner_?"

Azula smirks, a twinkle in her golden eyes. " _Air Force One_."

June bursts out laughing. Azula glowers but June cannot reign in her mirth. She finishes gasping and inquires, "So, Ellen Ripley from the _Alien_ movies. I actually know who that is, so why don't we start there. Why is she your childhood hero?"

"I used to dress my Barbies as her and act out the Alien movies," Azula blurts out. She promptly blushes and clears her throat. "Ellen Ripley murders things with a flamethrower and looks so sexy while doing it. I would love that. That is my dream. If I cannot be a President with expert combat skills tested by terrorists like Harrison Ford in _Air Force One_ , I want to murder things with a flamethrower and look sexy while doing it."

"Yeah, you'd look sexy with a flamethrower." June gives that cavalier smirk and Azula feels a rush of heat surging through her.

"I know I would," Azula replies. She then grimaces when Mai walks into the room, Zuko right behind her.

"We go to the airport in an hour. Be ready," she says with a small sigh.

Ty Lee and Haru already drove home early this morning. Mai stayed with Zuko for extra time and Azula has to serve her sentence with her mother twice a month.

"I'll see you around," casually says June, kissing Azula.

When June leaves, Azula watches her go.

[X]

The next day, Ty Lee skips school, leaving Azula and Mai alone. That should not be permissible under the rules of friendship, therefore Azula hopes for Ty Lee's sake that she has become violently ill. Unfortunately, Azula does not get that blessing when she gets out of her driver's car and sees Ty Lee sitting on her emerald lawn, eyes fixed on her phone.

"Hello, Ty Lee," Azula says as her friend jumps up and wraps her in a tight hug. She accepts the embrace, even if she hates how she enjoys her best friend's body against hers. "Why weren't you at school today? Also why are you on my lawn?"

"We got home a day late from Portland, and I've been waiting for you," Ty Lee says, grinning. Then her eyes light up. "I have news for you!"

Azula remembers Ty Lee abandoning her and crisply states, "I'm in a bad mood after enduring school today. I cannot handle your boring and petty excuse for news."

"Then I'll cheer you up." Ty Lee beams, missing the implication that she caused Azula's bad mood. "We could go tanning on the beach. Tanning gets me _so high_. It's a blast."

Azula rolls her eyes. "I _work_ to maintain my ivory complexion, and work harder to make sure I will look young _forever_."

"But the beach!"

"I hate the beach. It smells weird and is always crowded."

"Okay, okay," Ty Lee says, screwing up her face in thought. "We could go get smoothies. You love smoothies and I love smoothies."

Azula relents. "Fine. I will go get smoothies with you."

[X]

An hour later, Ty Lee stands beside Azula at the smoothie shop by the beach. She turns to her friend after ordering her own acai-based concoction.

"You like strawberry-banana, right?" Ty Lee inquires, batting her eyelashes in hopes of lessening the transgression.

She has no such luck. Azula glares and sharply says, "I _hate_ bananas. You should know that. I like strawberry-orange."

Ty Lee weakly smiles, nods, and corrects the order. They linger until the stoned teenage boy manages to give them their drinks, then they go and sit down by the shimmering window.

Despite to start conversation, "I was thinking," says Ty Lee, sipping her smoothie. "If we were Snooki and Jwoww, I'd be Snooki and you'd be Jwoww."

Azula rolls her eyes and does not dignify that with a response.

"You can tell me your news now," says Azula, waving her hand dismissively.

"Okay, okay, guess what," Ty Lee says, setting down her magazine. "I was waiting until you cheered up and stuff because I'm your bestie and that means I have to cheer you up before I can give you new gossip, but you'll never guess how awesome this is!"

"Go ahead."

"Me and Haru had sex!"

Azula blanches. She does not even notice the several people in the smoothie shop who turn to face the girl who just screamed that confession in a crowded store. "What makes you think it would be appropriate to tell me that?"

"Besties," Ty Lee says, brightly smiling. Azula grits her teeth and tries to control herself. "You'd tell me if you and June had sex, right?"

"No, because that is _personal_ information."

Ty Lee leans in and stage whispers, "Have you had sex?"

"No." Azula glowers. She then leans back. "So when and where did you do that?"

"Well, we stopped at a motel since the drive is _forever and ever_ going back from LA. Mai wasn't there and stuff because she stayed with Zuko, so it was just me and him in a motel. What else would happen, right?"

"You both get murdered by psychos and/or perverts," coldly says Azula, fantasizing about that very thing. How _dare_ Ty Lee sleep with anyone. She cannot do that.

Ty Lee politely giggles. Azula's smoldering glare then makes her burst into a fit of _nervous_ giggles, until her shoulders shake with painful cute laughter.

Azula pointedly turns her attention to her phone and ignores everything else Ty Lee says.

[X]

After suppressing her rage during their ride home, Azula loses it upon stepping out of the car. Ty Lee keeps grinning at her as if she cannot sense the tension.

"Ty Lee," coldly says Azula, glowering with the fire of a thousand angry suns, "you didn't know my smoothie order so I hate you and we are no longer friends. I do not want you to speak to me again and you will return to me all borrowed items, as Friend Code dictates."

"Uh, okay, I'll just have to go to my room." It shocks Ty Lee too much to make her cry. She weaves backwards towards her house but Azula's eyes stop her.

"Give me my sweatshirt back. The one you are wearing," snaps Azula, holding out her hand. Ty Lee pulls it off, flashing everyone in the vicinity without a thought, and hands it to Azula before she smooths down her camisole. "Good. That should be everything. Have a nice life."

Ty Lee stares after her, her lips parted, as Azula storms into her mansion.

[X]

On Tuesday morning in first period English, "Mai," says Azula, "we are not friends with Ty Lee anymore. If I see you talking to her or acknowledging her existence I will literally murder you."

As always, Mai knows this will pass in a day or two, and so she nods. When Azula turns to her meticulous notes, Mai texts Ty Lee that they are pretending to be off of speaking terms for the time being. Ty Lee replies, _'ok,'_ with about a thousand crying emojis. Mai rubs her temples; she needs new friends.

Moments later, Ty Lee adds the text, ' _Haru's having party his house 2night.'_

Mai suppresses a sigh and types back, _'I'm not speaking to you anymore but I'm not mad at you either. Stop texting me.'_

Azula looks over and Mai shoves her phone back under her plaid skirt.

"Did Ty Lee just text you about a party at Haru's house?" Azula inquires, trying not to wonder why Haru decided to host a party out of the blue on a Tuesday night.

"Why would she text you?" Mai asks, setting her face on her palm and her elbow on her desk.

Azula replies, "Because she is loyal to a fault. We're going to it."

"Why do you want to go to a party at Haru's house? Actually, why do you want to go to a party at all?"

"I am going to use this party as the perfect excuse to break him and Ty Lee up."

"Then you two can be friends again."

"Oh, of course not." A wicked smirk spreads on Azula's face. "Then I can make her miserable."

Mai sighs and suggests, "Why don't you just start a vicious rumor about her and call it a day? Then I don't have to change my evening plans."

"One, I already told that girl whose mom runs a gossip column that Ty Lee recently had an abortion. Two, what are your evening plans? You never do anything fun," says Azula, ignoring her hypocrisy and her horrid actions.

Mai dryly lists, "Take off my uniform, put on pajamas, watch Netflix."

Azula briskly orders, "Take off your uniform, put on something sexy, watch me destroy a happy relationship. Report to my house at eight."

Mai sighs, but relents without a fight.

[X]

Under the pretense of going to the bowling alley on a group date to break up Ty Lee and Haru, Azula tries on at least twenty outfits. Her make-up takes even longer. At last, at eight-twenty, she walks down the stairs and finds Mai sitting at her counter with a Capri-Sun talking to Ozai.

"… which is why I wonder why I don't get new friends. I could get new friends who respect my wishes to just put on my pajamas and watch Netflix on evenings. New friends who don't make me participate in evil schemes or light me on fire to try to set me up with a boy I haven't had a crush on since I was seven—"

Azula interrupts, "Mai, until you get those new friends, we are going to the bowling alley."

Ozai regally orders, "Don't stay out too late breaking up Ty Lee's relationship with whatever the fuck his name is."

Slinging her purse over her shoulder, Azula chimes, "I won't, father. Goodnight."

[X]

Azula walks into the party as if she owns the place. Mai sullenly follows her and stands in the corner with the most closed-off posture she can manage. Meanwhile, Azula seeks the host and ignores the attempts of others to spark conversation with her.

She meanders through the party and finds her target. Unfortunately, her target is connected to Ty Lee's face. Azula wonders if it feels like this to try to shoot a man who has a hostage.

Slowly, Azula stalks him through the night. She would have to acknowledge Ty Lee's existence to pry them apart, which she does not want to do. Azula talks to a few people but does not listen much, and finally finds Mai.

She has a guy with her. He swings keys around his finger.

"This is my partner in crime tonight. Release her," Azula orders, staring him down. He does not even flinch, a first for Azula. Boys never stay that calm when she glares.

Mai answers instead of the intruder, "This is Jet. He has a motorcycle and we're leaving."

"You can't leave now!" Azula screams. Thankfully, no one hears her over the loud music.

"Bye," Mai replies. "Your dad really made me realize that I don't always have to listen to you."

"Yes, you do!" Azula exclaims, clenching her fists, her fake nails digging painfully into her palms.

Despite that display of rage, Mai just shrugs and leaves with whoever the Hell Jet is.

Azula hisses, stomps her foot once for good measure and goes to find Haru. She no longer has the patience to do this slowly and take genuine pleasure in it.

"Can you help me?" Azula asks him. He looks up at her. "Ty Lee is passed out upstairs."

He does not even glance around the party to _check_ before saying, "Oh, okay."

Azula wonders why anyone trusts her. They have no reason to do so.

She escorts him up the staircase, withdrawing the lucky lighter with the blue dragon out of her coat pocket, and he opens the door to a bedroom. She steps inside and kicks the door shut.

"I wanted to spend more time on this, but my best friend thinks a motorcycle is more fun than getting my revenge. Can we make this quick?" Azula just lights him on fire in one swoop of her arm and flick of her thumb, tears off his shirt to put it out, steps out of one of her high heels that Ty Lee bought her, steps out of the room, and locks him inside before he can react.

She was going to more subtly light his shirt and make _him_ take it off, but Azula's anger at Mai needs to be channeled somewhere.

"Thank you, decade of martial arts," she mutters to herself as she flees from the upper floor to locate Ty Lee.

She finds her ex-best friend drinking in the kitchen.

"Azula?" Ty Lee cheerily asks, her eyebrows shooting up hopefully. Azula finds it _almost_ adorable.

"Ty Lee, as your former best friend, I need to tell you something," Azula says, setting both hands on Ty Lee's shoulders. "Have you seen your boyfriend tonight? Because I kept telling you he was not nice but you thought he was sweet because he sends you pictures of kittens, however, he cheated on you tonight."

Ty Lee's face falls, then contorts into an expression of agony. "With who? How do you know?"

"With me. And that's how I know. I locked him in the bedroom if you want to go confront him. Goodnight." Azula smirks, Ty Lee starts crying.

The former girl decides tonight has been a beautiful night.

[X]

The next morning, Mai sits down beside Azula on a glossy wooden pew. The students gather for morning meeting and Mai prepares for another boring day. "Ty Lee called me sobbing about eight times this weekend. You're really good at ruining lives."

"I know," Azula replies, winking.

Mai wants to point out how disgusting it is that Azula looks happier than she ever has and she saw Ty Lee wearing stained pink sweatpants in the hallway earlier, but she honestly does not care. The current student body president hands out prom invitations this morning.

Ty Lee starts crying again because she does not have a date. Which is a fact that she tries to remedy in the most baffling of all ways. Azula stands in the hall, talking with Mai, when Ty Lee, devoid of make-up and in pathetic clothes, walks up to them. Mai averts her eyes and Azula continues pretending her ex-best friend does not exist.

"Uh," Ty Lee begins, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "Azula, I know that you're mad at me, but I just, you know, broke up with Haru and prom is only in a month and I was wondering if we could go to prom together. In a—as friends—in a friend way."

"I am going with June. I'm afraid you'll have to find someone else," Azula purrs. She turns away then pivots back. "However, I am in a fabulous mood and I do not have anyone to go dress shopping with since Mai is a sorry excuse for a friend, so why don't you come with me after school?"

Ty Lee grins.

"I'd love that!" she cheers.

She wraps her arms around Azula. In a friend way, of course.

And she _never_ wants to let go. Of her friend, of course.

[X]

After school, Ty Lee walks into the boutique with a broad smile on her face. She put herself back together—flawless braid, fake eyelashes, cute designer clothes, pink pumps, light lipstick—and now she thinks she can conquer the world by Azula's side.

"Miss Shinohai, we're at your service," she says. Azula expects no less.

"Good. Bring us dresses that will look good and that no one else will have or be able to look away from during prom," orders Azula.

The shopkeeper pulls out a lineup as Azula and Ty Lee wait while on their phones. She holds out two separate racks of priceless gowns.

Ty Lee slides on a diamond studded form-fitting dress with a bottom of pink tulle. Azula slips into dress fit for an evil queen—dark red velvet, black lace and a slit up the side of her smooth leg.

"That is hideous," says Azula to Ty Lee.

"That is perfect!" says Ty Lee to Azula.

Ty Lee wriggles into a short pink dress studded with diamonds, with ribbon and tulle. Azula easily slips into a matching blue one.

"These are lovely," states Azula. The shopkeeper sets hangs them on the 'good' rack.

Ty Lee pulls on a glimmering pink dress with billowing pink satin. She looks like a sweet princess. Azula steps into a red dress with intense short sleeves and even more dark rouge satin than Ty Lee's pink. She looks like an evil princess.

"Keep," Azula orders.

Azula steps into a lavender and cerulean dress that hugs her form but falls smooth and long around her lower body. It glistens different colors as she twists and turns in the sunlight. Ty Lee jumps into a rainbow number that almost makes Azula hurl.

"Ty Lee, try on mine. That one should be burned," Azula demands. Ty Lee does as she is told.

Azula puts on the perfect dress. Nothing could be superior. The light cerulean looks like fire as it falls, draped around her like a scarf of flame. The cutouts on the front highlight a body that Ty Lee pretends she never has stared at.

Ty Lee embraces her. "Please wear this. This was made for you."

Azula sets her hands on her hips and looks in the mirror.

"Why not?" she purrs. "I think I agree with my lackey."

Ty Lee finds her flawless dress immediately afterwards. It has diamond cutouts like Azula's, but not nearly as sharp; she looks softer. Her dress has ruffles instead of smooth satin and is a light but bright pink. It is short in the front and long in the back. The low-neck dips beneath her chest.

"We're gonna be the belles of the ball," Ty Lee chirps, jumping up and down.

Azula does not mock her for once. "Yeah, I think so," she says.

It is the sweetest thing Ty Lee ever imagined hearing.

But then it gets crushed when Azula says, "Take a picture of me so I can send it to June."

Ty Lee blinks back tears when she obliges.

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen:** Wedding Planning

* * *

On the plane ride to Los Angeles, Ty Lee rests her head on Azula's shoulder.

"We should do a wedding shoot while we're in LA," Ty Lee dreamily suggests. "We could take the pictures back where we first met or where we had our first date or something. It would be very romantic."

"Well, we don't have dresses," Azula says, hoping to avoid that adventure.

Ty Lee says, "We don't need them! We can get cute sundresses or something. I wanna save my dress for the wedding anyway. It's going to be _so sparkly_ that everybody will be _blinded_ when I walk down the aisle."

"Wonderful," sarcastically says Azula before putting in headphones and turning her gaze to the sky.

Ty Lee pouts but Azula pays her no mind.

[X]

They check in with Ozai and Mai instead of a hotel. This lodging decision mostly is as punishment for them dropping in on Azula and Ty Lee in New York a few months ago. Azula has been waiting for the perfect opportunity to do so.

Ty Lee hugs Mai, and then hugs Ozai. Neither seems very enthused. Azula lights a cigarette and sits down on the sofa.

She will admit that returning to her childhood home makes her feel good. The sense of safety that washes over her and the flood of golden memories all soak her with vague happiness. Ty Lee, on the other hand, immediately feels uneasy, afraid to do the wrong thing and make Ozai disapprove of her relationship with Azula.

"I'll make drinks," Ty Lee quickly offers, racing to the bar, needing to be in her element.

She finds an odd solace in the memories of an old life she tries hard to forget. Ty Lee sees Mai and Azula walk in while she takes stock.

"So, did I ever tell you about me and Azula's second first date?" Ty Lee asks, beaming as she looks at the same brand of whiskey that was there. It broke on the floor that night and Ty Lee did not clean it up.

"No," Mai says, "but I have a feeling you're about to."

"She breathed fire. Literally," Ty Lee says. "I was bartending at this kinda gross place in New York and she went there with me because I had to work the whole night. She breathed fire for everybody there and it was so hot."

"I've never seen that trick."

Azula sits down and reaches into her pocket for that one lucky lighter.

Mai studies the worn dragon decal for a moment. "How long have you had that thing?"

"Since I was in middle school. If I lost it, I would die," Azula says, and once Ty Lee hands her a bottle, it takes what feels like a split second to pull off the most dangerous party trick in existence.

Mai finishes recoiling from the flame and Azula stuffs her lighter back in her jacket pocket.

Ty Lee brightly adds, "And I can sword swallow!"

"Which is why all the boys love you," Mai remarks.

Ty Lee sets down three glasses in three colors: blue, pink and black.

"Let's just drink or something," Ty Lee suggests with a cute grin.

[X]

Ty Lee's severely lowered inhibitions make her spit out her frustrations at being dragged to Los Angeles to buy a house because Azula missed her father.

She whines with slurred words, "Why can't we spend some time with my family? They agreed to let us stay with all my sisters and their cute families at their huge summer mansion home in Mississippi and it would be _so fun_ to show off how amazing my celebrity wedding will be."

Azula has had two drinks and, mostly sober, comfortably replies, "Ty Lee, I hate your family. I don't know how I could be clearer about that."

Mai laughs. That draws both of their attention.

"I love Ty Lee's family for the entertainment value. It's actually better than locking Azula, Zuko and Ursa in a room with their baby books and seeing what happens. It's better than the inevitable moment in the coming months when Iroh offers to also walk Azula down the aisle. It's better than all the times Ursa shows me the pictures of my 7th Birthday Party in front of Ozai just to make him uncomfortable. It is better than _any_ reality television show I've ever seen."

"Are you building up to something?" Ty Lee asks, trying not to look hurt.

Mai says, "Ty Lee, your family has more trailer trash women arguing than a _Rock of Love_ reunion episode. It's beautiful. The screaming southern accents and tacky outfits, clawing each other with dollar store fake nails and getting wasted in a way more classless than _Jersey Shore_ could ever aspire to be. Your family is _Rock of Love_."

Azula adds, "Yes, it is true. When all your sisters and cousins are gathered in one place, I kind of wonder where Brett Michaels is."

Mai concludes, "In short, I think that your wedding videographer should be MTV."

[X]

Azula leaves her two wasted best friends behind and goes to check on Bunny like a responsible parent. She finds Bunny in the movie theatre, the Xbox hooked up to the big screen and her eyes glued to a first person fight with a shark.

"I'M TRYING TO MAKE THIS SHARK INTO A WALLET! GO AWAY, MOM!" Bunny pauses the game. She looks over her shoulder with flushed cheeks. "I mean, Azula. Go away, Azula."

Azula blinks several times fast and pulls herself out of shock.

She says, "It's time for bed."

Bunny rebuts, "It's time to play _Far Cry_."

Azula does not bother putting up a fight. "Whatever. The guest rooms are up the grand staircase to the right. I will be to the left in my childhood room with your real mom if you need us. Your grandparents will be down the main hallway up the grand staircase in the master bedroom if you need them for some insane reason."

When Azula walks upstairs, she finds Ty Lee lying down in her childhood bedroom. The lack of lights makes the star and moon stickers glow. Outside, the streetlamps illuminate enough of Azula's pristine desk and well-stocked trophy cabinet to bring back a flood of memories.

"I know you're drunk, but Bunny just called me mom." Azula removes her pants and bra and lies down. "Many people have called me her mom, but she never has."

Ty Lee kisses Azula's cheek and whispers, "I think we should have more babies after we get married."

Azula laughs. "No. Absolutely not. Bunny is more than enough for us."

Ty Lee fiercely rolls her eyes and grins. "For _now_. I've always wanted three."

"I have always wanted one and only one."

"Oh," Ty Lee says, knowing Azula will change her mind.

They fall asleep intertwined in the nostalgic bedroom.

[X]

In the morning, Azula holds coffee and a cigarette while glaring directly at her fiancée. Ty Lee pours her orange juice, puzzled.

Azula coldly says, "Do you even remember what day it is, Ty Lee?"

"Uhm…" Ty Lee frantically looks around for a wall calendar and finds one. "Wednesday."

Azula sharply corrects, "It is the first day of my Birthday Month. You have done absolutely nothing to celebrate it."

Ty Lee tries to find a way to detract attention from messing up. "We could have your bridal shower on your birthday."

Far from swayed, Azula snaps, "You don't plan that. You're one of the brides. Make Mai plan it or something."

Ty Lee hums as she thinks and then says, "Yes, and you could spend bonding time with Mai for a month and I could spend bonding time with my family for a month since absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Azula looks her up and down, puzzled. Ty Lee never makes sense, but this truly confuses her. "Are you suggesting we separate before we even get married?"

Ty Lee explains, "I'm suggesting that the wedding makes us tense and maybe being apart for a bit would be a good thing. Then we can get back together and get all of the stuff for the wedding, because it's only in three months. Three months go by very quickly."

Azula licks her lips. She wants to be unhappy about that suggestion, but perhaps it would not kill them.

"That might be a good idea," Azula says, not caring if Ty Lee might be making the offer as a trap. "It would be very romantic when we reunite and then we can rush right into getting ready for the wedding. You can plan the wedding all you want while with your family in Louisiana—"

"Mississippi."

Azula's jaw drops. "But they don't even have oil in Mississippi. They literally have more oil in California than they have in Mississippi."

"Azula," Ty Lee sweetly says, setting her hands on her fiancée's shoulders, "we might have been nicknamed that by people, but we are not the literal Beverly Hillbillies. My dad started a pet resort chain, which is how we got super rich, and we moved to California because my mom got a job as a physics professor at UCLA."

Azula breaks free of Ty Lee's grasp and leans back on her chair. "I forgot that your mom is smart. How is she so trailer trash but so smart?"

Ty Lee replies, "Because trailer trash is cultural and being good at math isn't."

"Decent point." Pause. "What were we talking about?"

"We're both going to take a month and spend it with our families, then get back together to finalize the plans I'll make for the wedding. It'll be so romantic and the sex will be fabulous." Ty Lee hugs Azula tightly.

"No hugging. I am still pissed off at you. Thankfully for you, I've changed my mind about the house for now. I'm thinking we can look into that once we are actually married," Azula says, and Ty Lee smiles instead of complaining about being dragged here for no reason.

"But I promised Bunny I would take her to Hollywood," says Ty Lee.

Azula replies, "You can still do that."

Ty Lee whimpers. "But it's scary there and I need you to protect me."

"You used to go there alone when you were a teenager. You'll live." Azula kisses Ty Lee and steps back. "Then you can go to the airport and go to Louisiana."

"Mississippi." Azula stands and refills her coffee cup.

Ty Lee frowns and finds Mai's contact in her phone.

 _'_ _send me a happy txt,'_ begs Ty Lee with her thumbs.

After a few anxious moments, Mai replies, _'I have decided to call my island Isle of It-when-you-call-me-big-poppa.'_

Ty Lee scowls. _'Wut does tht mean?'_

Mai replies, _'Show it to Azula and make her explain.'_

 _'_ _azula hates me. that's y i want happy txt.'_

 _'_ _I'm not a happy person. You have other friends.'_

Ty Lee sighs. She does know that Mai must truly love her to even attempt to cheer her up in the first place.

She texts Mai, ' _ok u need to plan azula's bridal shower becuz she wants it her birthday month.'_

After a long pause, Mai types back, _'Ugh. Fine.'_

[X]

Predictably, seconds after that text, Azula storms into Mai's room and slams the door three times. Mai almost wishes she were wrong to be awaiting the angry intrusion. She holds out a hand. "Azula, give me your phone."

"No," snaps the livid CEO. "Why?"

"I know you hate her right now, but Ty Lee told me to organize your bridal shower. I don't usually organize parties but nobody else is going to do it, since Ty Lee actually has more than one friend. Which is why I need your phone. I'm just going to mass text your contacts with feminine names and see what happens."

Azula earnestly says, "Everyone in my phone is from work."

"Good. That makes my job easier. I'll tell them that it's a mandatory party."

Azula shrugs and hands over her phone.

[X]

Ty Lee sits with Azula at their favorite childhood smoothie bar.

"Okay, so we break apart for six weeks, and we both do wedding stuff while we're apart. I'll make all the bookings for the caterers and stuff like that and deal with RSVPs and a DJ. You'll get our wedding bands and… uh, get our wedding bands. Oh! You can pick out our honeymoon."

"Fine."

Ty Lee adds, "And you're keeping Bunny. I think you two need to bond."

"Fine."

"I'm gonna miss you." Ty Lee reaches out and squeezes Azula's hand. "But we're gonna be so happy when we get back together. Then we'll get our dresses and order our cake. After that, we just breathe and relax together for a little bit, then it's off to Vegas for the week before!"

"Fine."

"I'm so happy," Ty Lee chirps. "And happy Birthday Month."

Azula smirks.

[X]

The next day, after a very needlessly emotional ride to the airport, Azula must pry Bunny from Ty Lee and kiss her goodbye. Ty Lee sneaks in one last hug to her daughter and a quick kiss on her fiancée's nose. Her heart feels like it might explode.

"Have fun, guys!" Ty Lee chirps, and she races off to the Deep South.

Once Azula makes it home from LAX, she pulls into the driveway, hops out, unstraps Bunny from her car seat and walks inside to find Mai waiting for her like she was earlier. This time, Mai has her laptop open.

Mai inquires, "What color scheme do you want at your bridal shower?"

"I don't know. Something blue. I like blue."

"Ugh." Mai rolls her eyes. "I hate blue. Does it need a theme?"

"It's a bridal shower, not _prom_. And I thought the point of you organizing it was that I don't have to deal with it," Azula coldly replies, sitting down regardless of her reluctance to participate.

"Me organizing it has to do with the fact that most people have friends who _want_ to throw them parties." Pause. "I have to do your bachelorette party too, don't I?"

"Probably."

"It's happening at the Voodoo Lounge the night before the wedding."

"I feel it would be more appropriate to hold it at the club at the _Brimstone_."

"It's happening at the Voodoo Lounge the night before the wedding. I'm planning it and so it's my damned decision where we have it."

"Whatever."

"When does Ty Lee come home?"

"We're meeting in New York on April 11th. I honestly don't know how she will last six weeks without Bunny, but that was part of the deal."

"Well, that's why Facetime was invented. That and better cybersex, I guess," says Mai, not giving Azula enough time to clamp her hands over Bunny's sensitive young ears.

"Let the month begin," Azula says with a shrug.

* * *

 **WEEK ONE**

In the late afternoon, once Mai wakes up she finds Azula in the kitchen and says, "Your bridal shower will have a mimosa bar and no cutesy little games."

Azula almost forgot about this stupid shower. "Can you put that I just want birthday gifts and not wedding gifts, but the birthday gifts can be pertinent to the wedding?"

Mai sighs. "Then I'd just be giving you a birthday party."

"You _could_ just give me a birthday party. Ty Lee would never know the difference." Azula has a brilliant idea. "Okay, what if we don't invite anybody at all. Just the two of us. We set up a really Pinterest-y room and then have the mimosas all to ourselves and take many Instagram pictures so that Ty Lee _thinks_ we had a bridal shower on my birthday."

"But nobody would be in the pictures but us," Mai points out.

Azula smirks at her own intellect. "We tell her that no one could make it."

"With you, that would actually be believable."

"You are lucky I am too happy about this idea to be offended."

[X]

Bunny sits down beside Azula on the sofa. They have a foot or so between them when Azula flashes a small smile at her adopted daughter and returns her attention to _Are You the One?_.

At the first commercial break, Azula feels heat near her. Bunny now has shifted onto the same cushion as Azula.

Right as a dramatic catfight begins, Azula feels a small body against her arm.

Halfway through the show, Bunny settles on Azula's lap.

 **WEEK TWO**

One evening, after showing Bunny around the most important places of her youth, Azula opens her closet door and shows Bunny the entertainment set-up.

Azula catches sight of her old favorite game and asks of her daughter, "How much will you bet that I can beat you at a video game?"

"Anything," warbles the little girl, confident in her abilities.

"If I beat you at _Mortal Kombat 3_ , you will give up your iPad for a week. If you beat me, I will pay you three-hundred dollars," says Azula and Bunny laughs. The sound of wind chimes from a young girl reminds Azula of her youth with Bunny's mother.

"Deal!" she chirps.

Azula sets up the Super Nintendo. Once Bunny stares at the controller like aliens made it, she knows she will win.

"Best three out of five," Azula purrs.

Bunny gives her a terrified glance.

[X]

The second day without it, at the breakfast table, "I want my iPad back!" cries Bunny.

"We made a deal. You have to honor that," Azula says, victoriously smirking.

"B-but why?" Bunny starts crying.

Azula shakes her head and wickedly laughs.

 **WEEK THREE**

Azula's birthday party slash bridal shower sneaks up on her. She finds herself in a ballroom with Mai, sipping her energy drink and waiting for the day to end.

"Monster before mimosas. That's a rule," Azula says to Mai. They sit down at the bar of a rented out room in the classiest place they could find.

"I think it's hysterical that we paid thousands of dollars for this gigantic ballroom and it's just for two people," Mai states, sipping her light orange drink.

"Not just two people. We have the servants and people setting up the streamers," Azula corrects, gesturing around the cavernous room.

Mai remarks, "I don't think you're supposed to call them servants."

Crisply, Azula retorts, "I paid so much for this place that I can call them whatever I want."

"I paid for this place."

"No, my father paid for this place, since you do not have any money."

"It's half mine," Mai says, taking another drink from the quiet blonde bartender with judgmental blue eyes. "We're married."

"Speaking of married, I need to go ring shopping. I said I would get the wedding bands and surprise her with it." Azula sighs and picks up Mai's left hand. "And you need a new engagement ring _and_ wedding band. They are outdated. Once you hit seven years, you have to upgrade your ring."

"I never thought we would shop for rings or talk about jewelry."

"We should take our pictures, finish my Monster and your mimosas and eat the brunch. Then we get wedding bands. Ty Lee will grovel for a few weeks while will help me tolerate the wedding planning for the next two months."

"You're truly romantic and sweet to your future wife," Mai sarcastically says.

[X]

Azula picks up Mai's hand. "Where did you even get this?"

"Las Vegas. We bought it while we were waiting for our turn at the wedding chapel."

"You are not a plain diamond person. You just aren't," says Azula, turning to the jeweler. "She needs rubies with diamonds and platinum. Emphasis on the rubies. My father likes platinum and rubies, so he would choose that for her if not making an insane impulse decision in Vegas. Oh, and it better be over three-thousand dollars."

Mai turns down countless rings with cruel comments, but then she shuts up at the sight of one. Azula takes that as an excellent sign.

"This one isn't bad," Mai admits, holding out her hand for the jeweler to slip it on. It fits perfectly, which must be a sign.

The ring swirls around a gigantic circular ruby, the entire platinum bland so studded with diamonds that it looks like it is made out of them. It could knock out an elephant.

"That is perfect. I am buying that for her with her money," Azula says, taking Mai's credit card from her. "Now, I need a wedding band that matches."

The jeweler finds a band of diamonds with a trace of rubies like blood in clear water.

Mai wears them both once Azula pays with Ozai's money.

"My fiancée wants pink sapphires," Azula says, clasping her hands on the glass case. "This is for a wedding band. I would prefer blue sapphires. They both need diamonds too, of course."

It takes the jeweler under a minute to find two matching bands, simple but sparkling. Pink among diamonds for Ty Lee; blue among diamonds for Azula.

Azula pays for that with her own fortune and declares, "My bridal shower is over."

"Thank God," Mai dryly comments.

[X]

When they get home, in the kitchen, "Azula bought me new wedding rings, so I think I'm married to her now," Mai says, holding out her hand. Ozai takes it.

"That means you've been engaged to everyone in my family."

"Not your ex-wife or your brother or father or mother."

"You should start trying harder then," he mocks, then examines the rings in the light. "These are much better than the ones we got in Vegas. I always thought you look good in rubies."

Mai kisses him. He kisses her back, fiercely.

Azula rolls her eyes, mimes retching and goes to find Bunny in the movie theatre.

 **WEEK FOUR**

Azula sits with Mai as they watch the old black and white movie _The Most Dangerous Game_. "Can we borrow your island for our honeymoon?"

"Why not? Just watch out for the rogue dinosaurs and humans in cages for me to hunt."

"You have electric fences, right?"

"Yeah. I'm a pro at maintaining freaky horror islands."

"Thanks."

 **WEEK FIVE**

On a Friday night, Mai finds Azula. She wears unusually flattering clothes, which arouses Azula's suspicions.

Mai confirms them by saying, "Me and your dad are going out to our favorite nightclub."

Azula scoffs. "You two do that? Are you twenty?"

"No. We are just badass and cooler than you. If you want to come, you can. The girl across the street probably could babysit Bunny. Her mom keeps asking when I'm going to have a baby and offering me fertility energy crystals."

"Ew," Azula says. "Ew to everything you just said."

"So, you're staying home with Bunny?"

"Obviously."

[X]

On Sunday during an _Archer_ marathon that Azula pays little attention to, Mai asks, "Okay, I need to know. Who's Bunny's dad?"

Azula grimaces. It cannot hurt.

"Fine. He was Ty Lee's fiancée and he was a jerk and I hated him," she admits, feeling queasy just thinking about him.

"Yeah, I know that."

"Okay, his name was Vin, he was from the Jersey side of the river and owned a sleazy strip club called the Circus."

Mai faintly laughs. "That's the worst strip club name I've ever heard."

"Yeah, I know. He was a terrible person and I beat him up. I beat him almost to death; he needed to go to the hospital and get his jaw wired shut. I wasn't the one who killed him though. It probably was some Yakuza member who was hired by another extremely sexy and successful woman. Ty Lee then left him for me and I adopted Bunny to protect her."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever done."

"I hear that so often. Does that mean I am a nice person?"

"No. It means the opposite of that. When people are shocked every time you do something nice, it means you are a horrible person."

"At least I don't have a bad spray tan and own a sleazy strip club."

 **WEEK SIX**

At the end of the week, Azula steps off of the airplane while holding Bunny's hand. They roll their suitcases through the crowded airport and find Ty Lee waiting in the lobby. Bunny runs, screaming, and jumps into her mom's arms. Azula hangs back and waits for that lengthy scene to end.

Ty Lee then runs to Azula and hugs her tightly. She fiercely kisses her, sending a jolt of lightning through Azula's body.

But Ty Lee quickly kills the mood by saying, "Tomorrow we're going wedding dress shopping."

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** _I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I had fun writing it. Leave a review if you can and tell me what you think. :D_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:** The Prom Part I

* * *

Mai sighs after the morning assembly. She walks down the hallowed halls of Diamonte Academy beside Azula on their way to the sophomore lockers.

"Our school claps too often," complains Mai, tugging at her cardigan sleeves. "I know it's absurd enough to clap for every birthday, but they clap when kids lose their binders. Can I request that the Class President take a break from planning prom and ban clapping at assembly?"

"You clap with them," Azula says as they turn a corner.

"Sarcastically," Mai retorts without hesitation.

"Also, you are going to the after prom with me, are you not?" Azula inquires, knowing Mai must do whatever she says.

Mai loudly sighs. "Is that the _Star Trek_ premier Facebook invite I got?"

"Yes. It is not _mine_. Eliza made it," says Azula, wrinkling her nose. She is _just_ as dissatisfied as Mai. "I have no idea what the movie is even about."

Mai opens her locker to find her French binder. "Probably _Star Trek_."

"I know. I have no idea what that's about, to tell the truth. I just know that it is invite only and all the people I approve of will leave and those like Anna Brewer and Haru will be left behind wondering where everyone _cool_ went. It will delight me." Azula takes a brief moment to visualize their miserable faces.

"We could go to a party," Mai suggests.

"You hate parties," Azula replies, opening her own, far more organized locker and withdrawing her chemistry textbook.

"I know, but I am still trying to figure out how 80's Movies lied to me on such a deep level. How are the coolest kids at my high school all going to see a _Star Trek_ premiere after prom?" Mai sighs again, this time even louder.

"There will probably be sex and drugs there. I cannot imagine how one could enjoy that movie without those. Anyway, our high school is unusual. It attracts the devoutly religious and the devoutly dedicated to getting into Harvard. Our crème de la crème are the kind of people who go to _Star Trek_ on prom night," purrs Azula, slamming her locker shut.

Mai sighs again, knowing Azula is right and hating it. "It's better than bowling," she decides.

"Excellent motto," Azula says as they at last reach her locker. "Do you have a prom dress?"

"Yes, despite you and Ty Lee not inviting me," casually says Mai.

"You did not want to go," Azula snaps, "which is why I allowed a probationary friend to accompany me."

"She's been your friend since we were little kids. How can you just make her _probationary_?" Mai asks, genuinely curious.

Azula snarls under her breath, "Because she is a miserable traitor."

"Why is it that you don't care if I abandon you at a party to ride a motorcycle with a hot guy, but if Ty Lee forgets that you hate a fruit you lose your mind?"

"Because honestly you could betray me on such a deep level that the calmest person would be disgusted, but if she doesn't hold a door open from me like we're not even friends, I do lose it. I want to burn things."

"I'm so glad I know where we stand with each other," sarcastically says Mai.

Azula waves, curling and uncurling her flawless fingers. "I'll see you at lunch."

[X]

At lunch, three teenage girls stand in front of the bulletin board with the sign up sheets for field day activities. The half day of school revolving around athletic activities and forced fun is mandatory if you want to go to prom that night. Field Day is tomorrow, and now the trio must choose their methods of painful torture.

"I can't wait! I love field day," chirps Ty Lee with a bright smile as she signs up for a relay race and water balloon fight.

"I hate it. I hate it and prom isn't worth it," complains Mai. "Prom is not worth the humiliation of running around in circles. It _really_ isn't worth signing up for board games in the library again."

"You are _going_ to prom," Azula regally orders, boring her eyes into Mai's soul.

"I know. My mom'll force me to go like she did last year." Pause. "Why weren't you at prom last year? I had to watch Ty Lee and her boyfriend make out all night without you there to mock and belittle them."

"I was in a play, remember?" says Azula as she signs up for the most competitive activities. "Opening night was on prom."

"Lucky girl," dryly remarks Mai as she scrawls her names on the activities no one will notice her skipping.

Azula smirks and beckons for her friends to follow her to class.

[X]

While changing for gym class, Mai asks, "Why are you putting a _Survivor_ buff over your bra?"

"Because sports bras are boring and my father bought it for me as an apology present," Azula says, smoothing out the black band with the yellow television logo. "If I feel like I am on _Survivor_ , I hate gym class less."

"But you don't need a million dollars," Mai says. "Why would you ever go on _Survivor_?"

Azula scoffs and rolls her eyes at Mai's ignorance. "So? I like to manipulate people and conquer them in physical challenges. I was born for _Survivor_ , Mai."

"Are you gonna wear that on prom night?" asks Ty Lee, batting her eyelashes and destroying the entire calm vibe. "You should so wear like dark blue lace under your dress. June would love it!"

Azula averts her eyes.

She does not want to think about that age-old prom night tradition.

[X]

That evening, Azula sits on her plush bed and clicks on her girlfriend's Skype contact. It rings twice before June answers, and Azula has nothing bad to say about her being late to their appointment. Maybe that means she feels far less for her than she does for Ty Lee. Love confuses Azula like nothing else does.

They talk for all of five minutes before Ozai arrives home early.

"Stop speaking that girl. You're already seeing her tomorrow night, until eleven, when you will be home," Ozai growls, glaring at the computer screen. It makes June click away but stay on the line.

"Give me a minute," says Azula to the black screen June hides behind. "The _Star Trek_ premier starts at eleven. Everyone cool is going to it and I am the most popular girl in school. If I miss _Star Trek_ —"

"Little princess, I raised you to be a better liar than that," Ozai says with fire in his golden eyes. "No one cool would ever see _Star Trek_ after prom. I at least pretended to believe you about your bowling night with Mai, but I am not in the mood for this today."

Azula wishes he would not remind her. "I can show you my ticket. You sent me to exactly the right school to make sure I never find love in this world."

"You can find love in college," Ozai snaps.

"I have no intention of being disrespectful but you _cannot_ give me dating advice. You have been divorced for eight years and date about five different women a week."

"It isn't called dating when there are five a week. And, you say that good thing like it is a bad thing. Or maybe it is a bad thing when it comes to you. I just want you to make good choices," Ozai says, refusing to be tripped up by her accusations.

"What did _you_ do on prom night?" Azula asks, crossing her arms.

"I definitely didn't see _Star Trek_." Pause. "And good choices means better choices than mine."

"You are not giving Zuko this talk. This is sexist and absurd."

"Little princess, you are beautiful and men always stare at you. Zuko is… less fortunate. It amazes me that an incredible hot girl invited him to prom. _He_ can stay out as long as he wants because _he_ can't do any better than Mai."

"If you love Mai so much, why don't you marry her?"

"Send me pictures from the movie theatre and call me every hour on the hour."

"Alright." Azula shrugs. "And even if I have an all-American prom night, I won't get knocked up so you have nothing to worry about."

June laughs to herself.

[X]

On Field Day, Azula spitefully wears her _Survivor_ buff on the outside of her shirt. Ty Lee pretends to be studying it instead of her best friend's chest. And pretends to be admiring her shorts when she tries to look away from that and only ends up gazing at her beautiful ivory legs.

"You're dressed so cute!" exclaims Ty Lee, hugging Azula. "I wish I had your fashion sense!"

"I am sure you do," purrs Azula as Ty Lee steps away.

"Do you wanna sneak under the bleachers? They only take attendance in the morning and afternoon," Ty Lee says with the sly smile she uses on boys.

Azula falls for it, even if she knows they will not be making out there. Even she, a glorious goddess, is not immune to Ty Lee's charms.

They walk across the campus and sneak under the bleachers. The shade feels _amazing_ on the sweltering hot day. Ty Lee leans against a metal pole and gazes at Azula like nothing else exists in the Universe.

"Stop looking at me like that," Azula snaps.

"Looking at you how?" Ty Lee asks.

"Like you are trying to memorize me," Azula whispers.

"I'll look away, if you want," Ty Lee says, averting her eyes. She blushes but an oblivious Azula misses it. "But you're still so pretty it's just hard not to look at you."

"I know that," Azula purrs, plucking grass and pulling it apart. It stains her fingers green. "Was it hard having sex with Haru?"

"No. It was really easy," Ty Lee says, cautious with her words. She has the suspicion that Azula's rage was not about the smoothie order. "Can I ask why you wanna know?"

"Prom night. I think I'm supposed to have sex with my date." Pause. "I've never done that before. I know I said I have but I was lying. She _has_ done it with plenty of girls."

"Then she can show you the ropes," says Ty Lee, beaming as brightly as she can to hide the tears blossoming in her eyes. It _kills_ her to think about Azula hooking up with somebody.

"I just…" Pause. Azula thinks carefully. "I just imagined it happening with someone else."

"Then wait for that person. June can live with it if you don't wanna screw on prom night," says Ty Lee, waving her hand. "I mean, I couldn't say no but—"

"Have you ever said no?"

Ty Lee blushes, humiliated. "Lots of times," she squeaks.

"Yeah," Azula says, rolling her eyes. "I figured."

Ty Lee rips up a handful of grass.

[X]

That afternoon, Ty Lee tries on different hairstyles. Azula jumps over their roofs and climbs in through her bedroom window. Even in their gigantic mansion, Ty Lee's family has so many children that Ty Lee must share a room with her twin, Kiki.

Kiki waits on the bed, reading.

"Where is Ty Lee?" demands Azula.

"Getting ready for prom or whatever," says the girl with a dismissive wave of her hand. "She's in our bathroom."

Azula walks across the hall and enters one of the seven bathrooms. Ty Lee sits with printouts of hairstyle guides and every product and tool she owns. They barely fit on the marble counter.

"You said you would do my hair," Azula says, picking up the papers. "I should choose."

Ty Lee picks up the crimper and smiles. "I love doing your hair and make-up. You're just so pretty! It's fun to style pretty people!"

Azula pretends not to care and studies the printout for a fancy up-do.

Kiki knocks on the door and Ty Lee hisses.

"I need to get ready for my date tonight! We have other bathrooms!" snaps Ty Lee's twin.

Ty Lee swings open the door and menacingly holds the crimper in front of her sister.

"I'm going to crimp your face, Kiki!" screams Ty Lee, and Kiki decides to sneak off to a different restroom. "Azula needs the best bathroom!"

The Shinohai girl smirks.

She remembers why she made Ty Lee her friend in the first place.

* * *

 **Chapter Sixteen:** The Wedding Part I

* * *

 _Azula walks down an aisle, past pews lined with faceless people. She keeps going as the world catches fire around her, and she runs and runs and runs. The veil pinned to her raven hair begins to grow and trip her. She falls, crashing into the floor, and she sinks down into it like a creature trapped in tar. Azula tries to scream but no sound comes out._

She feels herself suffocate before she wakes. Ty Lee lies peacefully beside her and she wonders how the woman can sleep easily the day before they fly to Las Vegas for their wedding.

Azula does not wish to return to her nightmare, but she turns over and falls back to sleep anyway. She wakes alone this time.

When she rises and stretches, she finds Ty Lee in the kitchen eating chocolates from a heart-shaped box.

"Why are you eating chocolate for breakfast? I thought you were whining yesterday about going on a diet for the wedding," Azula asks, yawning. She never feels this tired in the morning and it makes her irritable. Azula would be wearing jeans if she did not need to remain presentable.

Ty Lee explains after chewing and swallowing a cherry cordial. "It's a chocolate mono diet."

"What is a chocolate mono diet?" Azula asks, cocking an eyebrow.

Ty Lee proudly replies, "I can only eat small amounts of chocolate."

Azula feels a surge of concern. "That sounds dangerous."

"So is smoking and popping pills and probably energy drinks," Ty Lee sings, bowing her head and batting her eyelashes to hide the disrespect.

Azula opens her mouth to protest that she does not want to be a widow by her wedding night, but then she realizes that it would open a larger conversation that would involve her own self-destructive choices, and so she just counts on Ty Lee's tendency to give up on things to save her future wife's life.

"You don't need to lose weight," attempts Azula, hoping to deter Ty Lee from dying without getting told off for her own habits. "You're beautiful and I really want to look better than you on our wedding day."

"It's not even about losing the weight; it's because my sister said I couldn't. She said everybody gains weight before their weddings. I said you and me were not everybody," Ty Lee says, giving that gentle, warm, submissive smile again.

"We are not," Azula insists, suddenly quite interested.

"Right. So I'm going to lose weight before my wedding. I've been keeping my Insta updated with the progress." Ty Lee's eyes gleam with sick excitement. "She will feel like an idiot."

Azula likes that idea.

"My uncle lost a hundred pounds on a tea fast," she suggests.

"Yeah, but tea is super gross and chocolate is yummy," Ty Lee says, popping another cherry cordial into her mouth.

"Decent point," remarks Azula. "I blocked out all today for packing on the itinerary. We need everything for the week leading to our wedding and for our honeymoon too."

Ty Lee claps her hands. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." Azula crushes their lips together.

Ty Lee smiles into the kiss.

[X]

As Azula packs beside Ty Lee, she describes her nightmare in great detail.

"Only something as ridiculous as a wedding would bring those nightmares back," snaps Azula, picking up one of Bunny's shirts and tucking it into the pink Hello Kitty suitcase next to her own.

"I completely understand. I had the worst nightmare last night," Ty Lee complains. "I completely understand."

"What was it about?" inquires Azula.

Ty Lee sets her hand over her heart when she dramatically says, "Someone rearranged my purse."

"And?" Azula asks.

"That's it!" Ty Lee exclaims. "Someone rearranged my purse. I woke up as scared as a three-year-old who thinks she has a monster under her bed!"

Sarcastically, Azula breathes, "The horror," as she decides to rearrange Ty Lee's purse at the first opportunity.

[X]

Hours later, Mai meets Azula and Ty Lee at their hotel room. They have the Presidential Suite of the Brimstone. It boasts beautiful bedrooms and its own pool on the balcony. Mai remembers the place from her own wedding.

"The itinerary you texted me told me to be here an hour ago but I didn't feel like it," Mai says, then sees Ty Lee passed out on the sofa. "Did you kill her already? I gave it at least a year before you snapped."

Azula groans. "She's just crashing."

"On what?" Mai inquires.

Azula, humiliated, just whispers, "Chocolate. She is on a chocolate mono diet to spite her sister."

"My neighbor went on one of those," replies Mai, thinking of the loon next door.

Startled, Azula asks, "You talk to your neighbors?"

"They talk to me, whether I like it or not. I don't even pretend to care about them."

"Unsurprising," says Azula. "You were not very revolted over Ty Lee's apparent death."

"I just don't have a lot of feelings," says Mai. "Does Ty Lee have someone in her wedding party to take care of her?"

"Angel is her maid of honor. She's her friend who works at a diner but used to work at a strip club. I think her real name is Angela."

"Not one of her sisters? Wasn't Kiki the original Maid of Honor?"

"Yeah. Kiki was pretty upset about that. But my brother isn't my best man."

"Nope. I am, and I am way better at it than Zuko ever would be."

Ty Lee sleepily asks, "Is Mai here?"

"Where's Bunny?" inquires Mai.

"My mother took her."

"And you allowed that?"

"If they abscond, I will call the police. For now, I need to get away from my child and deal with this wedding. Do you want to go play roulette with me?"

"You gamble?"

"Only when I am part of the house, and, as we all know, the house always wins."

Ty Lee declares, still groggy, "I wanna go!"

"Sure, whatever," says Mai.

Azula helps her fiancée up.

[X]

Ty Lee locates chocolate while Azula and Mai stride silently through the casino. They land on a blackjack table—despite Azula's insistence on roulette—and Mai sits down. Azula stands, glaring.

"Get up," she orders, squeezing Mai's shoulder.

"I like this… whatever you call it. Dealer or something," Mai says, gesturing at the attractive young woman in a uniform.

Azula cannot help but stare. "You know the servant in the first place?"

"Not sure if servant is the right word either, but she was a witness at my wedding," says Mai, sitting down at the table. "Her and a concierge and a drug dealer. Azula is getting married."

"Yep," says the young woman. "Everybody is talking about it. The guests range from difficult to really difficult. Some trailer trash girl named Kiki threw over a table and we called security but she was related to one of the brides so we couldn't do anything about it."

"I hate them all," Azula mutters. "All of them. Her whole family."

"But being married to a Shinohai is harder than marrying into any other family. You people are insane, famous and judgmental," Mai comments as Azula pulls out a cigarette and lights it. Her grandfather has the good taste to defy popular laws and allow smoking inside of his resort. It _is_ fire themed, after all.

Azula replies, "You don't have a family, Mai. My father does not have to deal with in-laws. And, on top of that, you are much more of a Shinohai than an Ukano and you know it. We basically raised you."

"True." Pause. "Speaking of true or false; tell me if this story really happened."

"Alright."

"Your great-grandfather opened this casino, right? Some mafia guys go right in and decide to be—I don't know _mafia_ guys—and your great-grandfather, instead of caving in, has the three dudes thrown off the top of the hotel. And when the kingpin tried to do something, he had that guy killed in his bed while his wife was still asleep."

"That does sound like something he would do. My family is not easily intimidated," says Azula. "We _did_ start as career criminals before we made a business empire."

"Still are," Mai says. "I've met five arms dealers in the past five years."

"And the people who visited me in New York to scare my fiancée. But, if anyone asks, the arms dealers sell antiques for collectors and the people who broke into my apartment were just friends of the family."

"They didn't break in. Your father has a key to the place."

Azula's eyes widen. "I never gave him one."

Mai suppresses a laugh when she replies, "He had one made. He has one to your brother's house too but I doubt it gets used."

Ty Lee appears out of nowhere and grabs Azula by the arms. She sets her chin on top of Azula's head and breathes in her beautiful perfumey shampoo.

"There are people in the bar. Friends! It's so exciting." Ty Lee helps Azula to her feet and guides her to the stairs. Mai sighs and follows them.

At the Upper Bar, Azula glances around at mostly Ty Lee's family and her friends from various times in her life. The CEO sees one person from her life.

"Who invited the girlfriend I left for you?" Azula hisses.

"I did," Ty Lee says with a smile. "You had a really short list of people to sit on your side. That's why I put up one of those cute signs about us all becoming one family so, you know, everybody could sit wherever. Your _only_ friend is in the wedding party. June is kinda the second closest person to you other than me or Mai."

"Any other surprises?" hisses Azula with a glare. "Did you invite my friends from crazy camp?"

"No. Did you have any?" Ty Lee asks.

"I hate you."

"Go say hi to June. I think she's having a drinking contest."

Azula sighs, rolls her eyes, and strides across the Brimstone's Upper Bar. She looks at June, sitting alone, then sees that she _did_ have an opponent. The guy lies motionless underneath his seat.

"You literally drank someone under a table," Azula says, smirking. "I see you didn't lose your high school glory like some washed up football player."

"And you still make everybody shut up when you walk in a room for one reason or another. So, should I pay you a percentage of the illegal side-bets I had running or…?"

"I don't run this place yet," Azula says. Ty Lee glowers, suddenly seething with jealousy. "You should probably pay for your own drinks, though."

"Oh, the guy under the table is. Part of the deal," says June, standing up.

"I never imagined I would see you again," Azula comments, clasping her hands behind her back and straightening her posture.

"I figured we might meet up," June says, and, when she sees Azula's surprise, she explains, "I work for your grandpa."

"You need to be more specific," asks Azula.

"Well, as a person who is very good at finding other people for money and who doesn't care much about what happens to those people, I think I should keep things vague." June glances over at Mai and Ty Lee. "I don't want to be weird or anything, but your stepmom is hot. Is she in love with your dad or is there some… room there?"

"I think she is only into men. And probably too apathetic to put effort into an affair."

"Did I say anything about an affair?" June winks. Azula sighs and looks at Ty Lee again.

"I should go check on her," Azula says, cocking an eyebrow and spinning around.

"Why would you let her get away with stealing money from you?" squeals Ty Lee. "You'd never do that for me."

"We are at our insanely pricey destination wedding. I let you get away with stealing my money. Do _not_ worry."

A voice that still scares Azula states, "Who is stealing our money?"

Ty Lee replies to Ozai, "Azula's ex-girlfriend."

"June," Azula adds, pointing.

"I'm getting a drink," Ty Lee says with a sigh. "Screw my diet." She grabs Mai by the arm and drags her across the Upper Bar alongside her.

The minute she walks away, Ozai steps closer to his daughter.

"June is way hotter than Ty Lee. Are you sure you don't want to switch them out again while you still have the chance?"

"I love Ty Lee and only Ty Lee. June was just my first girlfriend. And I love Bunny too."

"Where _is_ Bunny?"

"Not legally allowed to be in a casino." Pause. "I gave her to mother."

"Wow. You must be desperate to get rid of that child you love so much."

"You adore Bunny."

"She's fine, but concerns me, because I never want to have another child and Mai actually likes her."

"Why do you never want another child?"

"Because I am old and did my time with you and Zuko."

"Good point."

Azula shrugs.

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** _If you're at all interested in how Zutara and Maizai got together, I posted two oneshot prequels today. If you like the Shinohai Family, check it out. :D_

 _Thank you for reading this far and I hope you're enjoying the show._


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:** The Prom Part II

* * *

Azula stands in Ty Lee's kitchen as she applies the finishing touches of her prom outfit. She and her best friend look _stunning_ and they will light up the night with their beauty.

"I never noticed that your parents keep lotion by the dish soap," comments Azula as Ty Lee slides the last pin into her raven hair. "Why do people do that? Is… washing dishes rough on the skin or something? I wouldn't know; I have never done it."

"Well, I've got soft skin," chirps Ty Lee, offering a sweet, sultry smile.

"I will be the judge of that," purrs Azula, and she brushes her fingertips across Ty Lee's arm. They both try to ignore the electric jolt.

"Is it soft?" Ty Lee pleads.

"Yes. It is so soft that it is like you murdered a baby and stole its skin and are wearing its skin," Azula says, wondering if this is how flirting works.

Ty Lee blushes, so, yes, it must be how flirting works.

A man Azula does not recognize walks into the kitchen, and Ty Lee hastily says, "This is my Uncle Ren. He's really cool and he's visiting."

Azula turns around and seizes his hand.

He remarks in utter earnest, "You have an excellent handshake."

"I know," purrs Azula with a flutter of her thick eyelashes. "My grandfather taught me that bad handshakes are for weak men and communists. He hates both."

He smiles and turns to his niece. "Well done, Ty Lee."

"Oh. I'm…" Ty Lee blushes. "She's going with somebody else."

"I just assumed you two were together. The chemistry is hard to miss."

Ty Lee's mother gently punches her brother's shoulder. "They're both _girls_."

"Doesn't mean they can't be together," he retorts.

She scowls. "Well, I suppose Azula is very rich."

Her brother prods, "I suppose you love money more than your alleged moral values."

"I _do_ ," says Ty Lee's mother.

Ty Lee turns to Azula. "Please don't think my mom is a bigot. She's just a redneck."

"I figured that out. Everyone _does_ call your family the Beverly Hillbillies after all." Azula smirks. "And, it doesn't matter, since we are not together anyway."

"Right." Ty Lee cannot help but sound as crestfallen as she is.

Azula is too oblivious to notice it.

[X]

Mai's mother takes pictures of the teenagers outside on the sunny day before they take the limousine to the country club for prom. Azula leans against June, whose tattoos look sexy contrasted with her bold black dress, and Zuko wraps his arm around an apathetic Mai. He gives her flowers and she pays them little mind. Ty Lee stands alone but looks radiant nonetheless.

After that torture, Ozai escorts his son to the car he begrudgingly shall allow him to borrow, because he loves Azula and wants her to have a perfect night.

"This is the best one," says Zuko, running his hand across the car.

"Zuko," growls Ozai, seizing his son's wrist and yanking it away from the beautiful machine, "I promised your sister you would drive her to the prom, and drive her to the movie after. You will not harm my car, and you will not get your date pregnant in my car."

"Can I get my date pregnant somewhere other than the car?"

"If your uncle pays for the abortion," snaps Ozai. "Now watch your sister and make sure nothing bad happens to her. If anyone hassles her—"

"Smash them into a statue of St. Agnes, breaking their limbs."

"Something like that. If you scratch the car or your sister, I will burn you alive," Ozai growls, tossing Zuko the keys. With ease, Zuko snags them out of the air. "I'm amazed you caught those. I honestly thought that would hit you in the face. Azula always was better at sports."

"I won't disappoint you, dad," Zuko states, and before Ozai can say something scathing, he gets into the car and drives up to the girls, all waiting on the emerald lawn.

They get in, Zuko cranks up the music to nip conversation in the bud, and they drive through the city to the country club hosting the prom.

As soon as the two couples and Ty Lee arrive, Zuko parks and the teenagers get out. The hot sunlight beats down on the parking lot where the many students at Diamonte gather, snap photos and laugh as they catch up. A few sneak kisses.

Staring at the countless people she loathes, Mai opens her purse.

"I have drugs if anyone needs them. Which we probably will because I literally hate everyone at this horrible school. Ugh," Mai says. "Why do I always go to prom?"

Azula primly snaps, "I don't do drugs, and you shouldn't either."

Mai sarcastically drawls, "Thanks, Woodsy Owl."

Azula narrows her eyes and smugly corrects, "Woodsy Owl is a PSA for keeping forests pristine. What does that have to do with it?"

Mai dryly corrects, "Woodsy Owl is an anti-drug owl."

Azula clears her throat and insists, "No, he's—he says 'Give a hoot, don't pollute.'"

"Yeah," agrees June. "If he was a drug owl he'd probably be named Toasty Owl or something."

The three other adolescents laugh at her joke, and collect their folded names on placemarks. Azula takes hers, her date takes hers, and Ty Lee, Zuko and Mai do the same. All five of them walk and find a table by the sunniest window.

At first, they set up their names. Azula then slides hers onto Ty Lee's dress.

"Azula Shinohai now owns you," purrs Azula.

Ty Lee blushes bright red.

She does not take the nametag off, letting it press against her cleavage all night.

It feels damned good.

[X]

After the bubbles of boring small talk between students burst and the adolescents disperse, uncomfortable and tired waiters serve salad. Azula stares out at the flower garden where many students gather, ignoring their meals. She, however, sits at her table with the two other most popular girls in school, her hot date and her ugly older brother.

Picking at the salad with heavy disinterest, "So, you're doing a ballet performance later this month?" asks June. Her interest startles Ty Lee; she does not strike her as the kind of person who pays attention to her girlfriend.

"Yes," purrs Azula. " _The Rite of Spring_. Ty Lee and Mai are in it."

Mai adds, "Regrettably. At least in my case."

June shoots Mai a smirk. Azula thinks they would probably get along well as friends, if Mai put any effort into having friends.

"We're not _actually_ going to see the Star Trek premiere, are we?" June demands, glancing around the table. "We're just gonna show our faces then go out into the night?"

Azula smirks. "We _do_ all have driver's licenses officially."

Zuko interjects, "But _no one_ is driving that car, because my dad loves it more than he loves me. No one can damage it. Understood?"

"He won't mind if _I_ damage it," purrs Azula. "I am the good child. He could not stay mad at me if he _tried_ , ZuZu."

"I'm babysitting you tonight. It's my responsibility," says Zuko. "He'll blame me if you do anything stupid so don't do anything stupid."

"Anything stupid like…?" Azula asks, drawing out each syllable with a gleam in her golden eyes.

Ty Lee summons all of the courage in her chest and says, "Like dancing with me!"

Azula looks up, then looks to June. She decides she does not need permission and rises, taking Ty Lee by the hand and dragging her onto the dance floor.

It is what women like, she thinks.

[X]

As then night goes on, Azula does not leave the dance floor. Party music, slow dances, now a burst of Disney playing from the DJ's station. She leads Ty Lee then secretly follows Ty Lee's lead and they are _only_ focused on each other in the night.

"This slow dance is for the couples," seductively drawls the hot DJ.

Azula takes Ty Lee and whispers to cover her tracks, "My date is still in the bathroom and honestly, I guess we could pretend to be a couple."

"Yeah," Ty Lee breathes back, trying to hide her excitement.

They spin in circles, a dance so small it could be done on a plate. Both girls may be talented dancers but right now they seem unable to be anything but close together.

And so, they sway, spinning around a thousand stars to the tune of a song from _Aladdin_. And slowly, like the silly girl she is, Ty Lee brushes her lips against Azula's. But, despite how much she enjoys it, Azula steps back and away.

"I'm with someone else," says Azula, her heart in her throbbing throat. _You will hurt me_ , she thinks. _You will hurt me like no one else in the world as the power to do._

"Right. I got caught up in the moment," half-truthfully replies Ty Lee, her heart in her fluttering stomach. _God made foolish girls like me to have something to play with,_ she thinks.

They break apart and Azula pursues her date into the ladies' room.

Ty Lee gazes after her.

[X]

After leaving the prom and entering the cold, perfumey air, Azula and crew arrive at the movie theatre. They ride down the escalator in the nigh silent mall and two kids crow from below, "Did you guys just get back from prom?"

"Yes," Zuko replies, making Azula want to slap him.

"That's so cute!" cries one of the two strangers.

He kisses Mai on the cheek. She does not react and he wonders if he is dating her or only hallucinated her interest in him. Azula keeps her eyes on Ty Lee even though June has a romantic hold on her body.

The coolest kids in school gather in the sleepy movie theatre in the closed mall, blathering.

[X]

Halfway into the confusing film, seated in the dark, tense cinema, Azula cannot understand for the life of her, the Shinohai girl leans over to her not-date, Ty Lee. "Do you have any idea what is going on in this movie?" she whispers, heart pounding like a hammer.

"No," Ty Lee replies. Her knees tremble when she adds, "M-meet me in the bathroom?"

They get up, snatching their purses but leaving their treats and drinks. The girls end up in a bathroom fill with black stalls painted with white dots that look like stars in a lazily rendered sky.

"I cannot believe we agreed to go to this," says Azula, leaning against the sinks. She does not care that her back becomes slightly damp.

Ty Lee stares at her for a moment. "We've been together all night, even though you brought somebody else. I just…"

"You just…?" Azula's heart vanishes, her head spins, she feels a surge of fear that she has never known before in her life.

Ty Lee fixes her hair in the mirrors for a painful stretch of time. Then she decides to be brave.

"Azula," murmurs Ty Lee, turning away from the mirror. "I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since we were little kids. I'm in love with you."

At first, Azula wants to bolt from the bathroom. Then, she takes a few cautious steps forward and lingers close to Ty Lee. She stares at her lips for a moment and then decides to dive in and fiercely kiss her.

Ty Lee sinks into the heavenly touch. Then she takes Azula's hand.

"Do you want to get out of here?" she asks softly.

Azula smirks and says, "Yes."

Their night is only just beginning.

* * *

 **Chapter Seventeen:** The Wedding Part II

* * *

In the Brimstone Resort, Azula sips a blackberry martini and stares at her brother. He and his pregnant girlfriend stand in the Sunrise Lounge—Sozin hated sunsets—and look around at the sea of guests. Azula does not know how Ty Lee even _meets_ this many people.

"You look… fine," says Zuko, deciding to swallow his pride and talk to his sister. He does not want to compliment her _too much_.

"And you look like you got your suit at Build-a-Bear," replies Azula with a lovely soft smile.

"I don't know why I interact with you," Zuko says with a sigh. "Why?"

"Because you love me," purrs Azula, smirking and winking at her brother.

Ozai and Mai approach Zuko and Katara. Zuko sighs when his father examines Katara's visible pregnant belly.

"Do you know what kind of baby it is yet?" asks Ozai, feigning interest.

"We're having a daughter," says Zuko, speaking for Katara.

"That's good for you," replies Ozai, which prompts Zuko to give him a quizzical expression. "All a man really wants in life is his daughter's love. A son is just a disappointing photocopy of himself. Also, when Katara inevitably leaves you, you won't end up with a son raised as a woman."

Zuko declares, "Well, Azula was raised as a _man_. She's marrying a girl tomorrow."

"A lesbian is not the same thing as a man. You should learn that, because Katara will probably eventually leave you for a woman," says Ozai.

Katara replies, "Yeah. I definitely will if you keep saying ignorant and sexist things."

"Thank you, father," growls Zuko.

Azula snickers and sips her martini.

[X]

That evening, before the wedding rehearsal, Azula at last lays eyes on her grandparents. They are well dressed and she makes a point compliment them. Ty Lee holds onto her arm and blushes as she greets her soon-to-be grandparents-in-law.

"We're late, I know," says Ilah, patting the side of Ty Lee's face.

Ilah doubles over coughing, then sneezes and Azulon scowls.

Azulon grumbles, "I apologize for our tardiness; your grandmother is ill. _Then_ she decided to ignore proper dose recommendations, drank the entire bottle of cough syrup and passed out. I had to hold a mirror to her face to make sure she was alive."

Ilah states coldly, "Because I would never let myself feel sick on the happiest day of my life. My beautiful granddaughter is having a gay wedding. It's a dream come true."

Ty Lee croons, "My dream come true too."

Ilah smiles at her. "Such a sweet girl."

Mai approaches. Ty Lee hugs her tightly and Mai sighs.

"Azula, I have your bachelorette party planned. June and me and Katara are taking you to the Voodoo Lounge tonight."

Sarcastically, Azula sneers, "Oh, my brother's pregnant girlfriend who I hate, my ex-girlfriend I haven't seen since high school and my stepmother. What a lovely guest list."

"You don't have a lotta friends," is Mai's reply.

And then they must get down to business.

[X]

At the rehearsal dinner, the entire extended Shinohai family sits together.

Interrupting Katara's rant about saving seals or something along those lines, "You _must_ tell a funny story, father," purrs Azula, although she knows Ozai has never done such a thing. He likes people to be afraid of him, not to make them laugh.

Mai, surprisingly, makes a request.

"Tell them the adultery story," Mai says, a faint flicker of a smile creeping onto her face.

"No," growls Ozai, his eyes flashing. These people ought to live in _terror_ of him.

Mai pleads, "Oh, come on. It's the only funny story you know."

"I know plenty of funny stories, but I am not the type of person who tells them. I have a reputation to protect," growls Ozai, sipping his wine with an expression of pure dignity.

Mai gently slaps his shoulder and hisses, " _Please_."

He shrugs and decides he does not care much what present company thinks of him.

Ozai begins, everyone turning their attention to the commanding man, "When I was younger, my parents made us go to church. My mother would tell my brother and I about every three weeks that we needed to go to confession, and, my brother and I would walk from school to the church and we would swap sins on the way since we never wanted to confess our real ones. Those are personal.

"Now, I was trying to think of the mildest ones I could, and I thought, well, I swear often. We struggled to figure out which of the Ten Commandments to put that under. At last, he said to me that adults swear frequently—our parents certainly did after a few martinis—and we should put it under adultery. I agreed with him, a rare feat.

"We got to the church and looked for the longest line. The shortest was Father Gideon's and he would always _shout_ at you when you told him your sins. He would actually find kids in the bushes outside of the school—I went to a Catholic school, of course, like my children—who were smoking or making out and he would grab the kids and beat them up. I was frequently one of those kids, but I never told my parents because these were older times and they also would want to know why I was in the bushes smoking or making out and I might be written out of the will.

"I was stuck by grand mistake with Father Gideon, although I didn't know at first. I told him that I had disobeyed my parents several times and had meat on a Friday and then I told him that I had committed adultery twenty-seven times. He shouted, 'Ozai Shinohai, you did _what_?' and—firstly, I thought confessionals were confidential—and secondly I had no clue why swearing was so terrible.

"When I went to school the next day, one of the nuns pulled me aside and said out of the corner of her mouth, 'Ozai, adultery isn't swearing,' and— for the record I again, thought confessionals were confidential—she didn't tell me what it meant, but she did tell me that.

"To tell the truth, with my first wife, I probably committed adultery more than twenty-seven times so thank God I stopped going to church in college."

The conversation continues after the uproarious laughter.

Azula overhears Zuko. He gestures at his teeth while he says, "I wanted to get a grill a while back but the doctor said my teeth were too messed up."

Later on, Katara says, "I never saw my Gran-Gran cry."

Zuko turns and looks at Ilah. "Grandmother, have you ever cried?"

"Only once," says the prim woman.

"Did you spill your drink?" asks Katara mockingly.

Ilah locks eyes with her. "President Kennedy was assassinated."

Katara's eyes widen and she sucks in her cheeks. Zuko wraps his arm around her.

Azula snickers. Ty Lee rests her head on her fiancee's shoulder.

Tonight could not be lovelier.

[X]

Katara grumbles obscenities to herself as she tries on different combinations of clothing. She cannot believe she agreed to join Azula's bridal party and go out to the Voodoo Lounge.

"I don't know how to deal with your sister," Katara snaps as she finally settles and begins selecting the right jewelry.

"I have no suggestions. How about you?" Zuko offers, tugging at his collar.

Katara hums to herself and then says, "We could drown her."

Zuko, bewildered, inquires, "How?"

"We lure her somewhere with water, like a swimming pool or lake or sewer or a bathtub or even a sink, and then I act scared and pathetic while you go after her, once she knocks you out, I sneak up on her and hold her under while she trashes and fights and claws my face probably but I'll stay strong, hold her under for about four minutes and then I take you to a hospital."

"Why do you assume I get knocked out?"

Katara just kisses him and grabs her purse.

"I'm off to have a horrible night out. See ya." Katara vanishes out of the door to go meet up with June and Mai.

Why did she ever agree to attend this wedding in the first place?

[X]

Azula stands on the balcony of her hotel room. Ty Lee sits inside, reading to Bunny and trying to get her to settle down to go to sleep. Of course, Ty Lee looks gorgeous for her bachelorette party that will be hosted by strippers and other trashy women. Azula's guest list is even more disappointing. Slowly, Azula slips her pack of cigarettes out of her sparkly purse.

June turns to Azula and asks, "Can I bum a cigarette?"

Azula gives a sharp nod and hands one over.

As June smokes, Azula walks inside of the hotel room and glances at Ty Lee. Her fiancée rises and slides on her shoes, ready to go meet up with her friends and have a night on the town.

"I'll uh…" Ty Lee blushes, uncertain of the proper goodbye.

"Wedding in the morning," murmurs Azula. "Bachelorette party now."

"Mhm." Ty Lee smiles. "Don't have too much fun, my love."

"I suppose I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay," Ty Lee whispers, and she easily breaks apart for the first time.

Azula walks to meet her motley crew of bachelorette party guests.

Her night has only just begun.

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** _One or two more parts should cover the wedding and prom night. I got some questions about if the story continues past this point, and, yes, it does. It's going to be a long epic, I promise._


	18. Chapter 18

**_A/N:_** _This chapter has humor, I promise, but there are large chunks of it that lean much more towards the purely romantic side of fluffy. I hope you enjoy the conclusion of the Prom/Wedding Trilogy (but not the conclusion of the story; there are still at least thirty more chapters to go)._

* * *

 **Chapter Eighteen:** Prom Part III

* * *

After sneaking out of the movie theatre, Azula walks through the city with Ty Lee. They both debate in their heads if they should hold hands or not and conclude that they should not. It is too much of a risk. Azula stops near the airport and turns to Ty Lee.

"Are we stopping?" Ty Lee asks, cocking her head to the side.

"I have a confession," Azula admits, taking Ty Lee's hands in hers. "I broke you and Haru up."

Ty Lee's eyes widen. "H-how?"

"Messed with you both at his Tuesday Night Party. I _had_ to kill that if I was going to get with you. You must understand."

"I…" Ty Lee blushes. "That's actually really romantic. You wouldn't—you wouldn't do that to just anyone, right?"

"Of course not. I only destroy things if I have to." Pause. "Or if I'm bored."

"So, he wasn't really cheating on me?"

"No."

"I'm glad you told me," says Ty Lee, smiling. "So, what do you want to do tonight? Drive up to a make-out point or something?"

"Well, seeing as we can't drive, I was thinking we could take another form of transportation."

"I think buses are kinda scary this time of night."

"Oh, I was planning on buying last minute tickets to New York. I thought perhaps we would like to spend our prom weekend there." Pause. "I know I am… I am not ever impulsive but I think this is the right occasion to be reckless and insane."

"That's pretty much the most romantic thing I've ever heard."

"I think my credit card should be able to cover our romantic weekend getaway."

Ty Lee leans forward to kiss her. Azula meets her halfway.

Then Ty Lee whispers, "You're not just… playing with me, right? Because you play with people sometimes and I'm afraid."

"I think you just have to come with me and find out."

Ty Lee beams.

[X]

Azula calls Mai from the airport terminal. She finally answers after several rings and Azula breathes a short sigh of relief.

 _"_ _What?"_ Mai sleepily demands.

"I need you to be my alibi," Azula says.

 _"_ _Why? Did you kill someone tonight?"_

"I am about to get on a plane to New York. Ty Lee and I are just staying for tomorrow and we'll come home Saturday night. I need you to pretend I am sleeping over at your house."

 _"_ _Your dad will find out. If you use your credit card, which I assume you will…"_

"I will come clean to him as soon as I get home. Do not ruin this for me."

 _"_ _Fine, whatever, just please leave me alone until tomorrow."_

"Are you drunk?"

 _"_ _No. I'm…"_ Mai says nothing for some time. _"I kind of had sex with your brother."_

Azula Shinohai blanches and Ty Lee shoots her a puzzled glance.

"Thank you for the alibi." Azula hastily hangs up.

[X]

Upon arriving in New York, the girls purchase the services of a limousine. They look out of place in their gorgeous prom dresses and flawless hair and make-up, without a single piece of luggage aside from their purses.

Finally, they arrive at Azulon's penthouse apartment. Ty Lee stands in the elevator with Azula after she punches in the code he told her.

"So, your family has this place?"

"We have a number of houses. My grandparents hoard them. But my grandparents are both from New York, and so they have more than one home in this single state. This penthouse is the one they would use after attending events. They once took me to the _Queen of Spades_ opera and I spent the night here in the little-used guest room."

"I bet they've had lots of sex here."

Azula's jaw drops. Ty Lee blushes and averts her eyes in shame.

"If you mention my grandparents doing _that_ one more time I will abandon you in this city."

"I'd find a way," says Ty Lee.

"You would become a stripper."

"That sounds like a kinda fun job, to be honest." Ty Lee shrugs. "If I don't become a trophy wife, that's the one I want."

"You… _want_ to be a stripper?"

"I wanna be a trophy wife but stripping is, well, I'm not super good at school and I don't really have any hobbies other than dancing."

Azula inquires while the elevator continues to rise at a snail's pace, "Why not be a ballerina?"

Ty Lee airily sighs. "Yeah. That was a dream for a long time, but I think I'd only briefly be a ballerina and then become a trophy wife. I bet you'll be like a brain surgeon or rocket scientists."

Azula shrugs. "I could be, but I intend to inherit a corporation or five from my grandfather and become a successful female CEO who will serve as a role model for young girls everywhere."

"I'd like to go to ballet school, honestly. Here in New York," Ty Lee says, smiling to herself. "Did you ever think about doing that? Or maybe going into acting or something like that. You're a great actress and with your family's connections you could be a movie star."

Azula kisses Ty Lee. The warm feeling that floods Ty Lee makes her stop gushing over Azula's endless opportunities. At last, the door opens and Azula steps inside, Ty Lee right behind her.

The classical red and gold rococo style of the apartment seems out of place in a very fresh and new building. Ty Lee pays that little mind, because Azula looks more and more beautiful with every light she turns on.

For a moment, Ty Lee wonders if she is dreaming. Azula whisking her away to New York to spend their prom night and Saturday going on the dates they missed out on. They have a lot of lost time to make up for, after all.

Azula lights the false fireplace and sits down on the antique sofa. Ty Lee slips out of her bright pink heels and sits down beside her lifelong crush.

"It's kinda cliché," Ty Lee says with a smile. "I was in love with the girl next door forever."

"That _is_ cliché, and awfully sad. Did you ever spy on me through my window?" Azula asks and Ty Lee's blush answers the question for her. "That is adorable. I appreciate being properly admired."

"Does this night mean anything?" Ty Lee asks, gazing into the fire.

"That remains to be seen," replies Azula. "I am not sure if we should be so suddenly and passionately declaring true love for each other. But you are my friend—and that is a rare honor to have—and I think I will enjoy this vacation."

"June," croaks out Ty Lee, her heart leaping into her throat. "You abandoned her."

"She is nothing to me," purrs Azula. "Perhaps she made me realize what I desire but aside from that I never could see us lasting more than a few months. I spent the entire night with you instead of her anyway. She ought to expect it."

"That's good to know," Ty Lee says, flashing another smile. She thinks she might never stop smiling after this prom night.

Ty Lee feels afraid to make the first move and suffer Azula's wrath, or worse, lose her attention. Azula would not know how to begin; she never learned to flirt or how to figure out the appropriate time to kiss.

Finally, Ty Lee decides to be daring. With a racing heart, she presses her lips against Azula's.

They do not go any further than extremely intense making out, but neither girl minds.

Side by side, exhausted from the wild night, they fall asleep crushed together on the sofa.

[X]

In the morning, Azula and Ty Lee smooth out and freshen up their prom dresses and borrow two pairs of Ilah's shoes that at least roughly match. They do their make-up from what they packed in their purses for the dance. Finally, they purchase their coffee and walk to the several blocks consumed by high end designer stores.

Azula walks with Ty Lee into the Prada store first.

"Can I help you?" asks a young woman with bright blonde hair and cat-eye glasses. "We don't like loiterers."

"Do you not even recognize me?" Azula snarls, thrilling Ty Lee. "I am Azula Shinohai. I am not here to loiter. I spontaneously took my prom date from Los Angeles to New York and we need clothing for our date today."

"Oh—my mistake Miss Shinohai—I can help you both." The woman grins now, bowing her head, perhaps subconsciously.

She leads Azula and Ty Lee up the stairs. The lovely clothes line the walls on the top floor, and near the dressing rooms rest plush seating for parents or spouses.

The woman asks, "What are you two planning for your date?"

"First, we will go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, then we will go to Rockefeller Center for lunch, and lastly we will go to my favorite monument in Central Park," Azula purrs, making Ty Lee's heart melt. "And it is her first time in the city so I want it to be perfect."

Ty Lee sets her hand over her heart. "You're the most amazing person in the whole entire universe, Azula."

"I know it," Azula replies, smirking.

"You two are certainly in love," gushes the woman.

Ty Lee says, "We were bitten by cupid!"

Azula cocks an eyebrow.

She primly corrects, "Arrows. Cupid shoots people with arrows."

"Are you sure?" Ty Lee furrows her brow, deep in thought over this petty comment. "I thought people get bitten by Cupid, like, y'know, vampire rules."

"No. Cupid does not operate by _vampire rules_ ," Azula says, and then she strides over to a red sundress. She runs her hand over it, then watches as Ty Lee begins grabbing everything she can get her hands on.

Azula tries on two outfits and settles for a rose sundress with a slimming black cardigan, soft black tights and cherry red heels. Then, she walks out of her dressing room and sits down in the 'husband chairs' to wait for her Ty Lee.

It could take a thousand years. A million of them. Azula begins to ponder _genuinely_ just leaving Ty Lee stranded in New York.

"How about I just buy you all of those?" Azula says, unable to take it anymore after the ten longest minutes of her life.

Ty Lee smiles, claps her hands and jumps up and down.

Azula turns to the saleswoman. "We also will need luggage bags."

[X]

Not long after the shopping trip, at the Met, Azula studies white Roman statues in a cavernous room. Ty Lee tries to find whatever is enjoyable about quiet, boring places like these.

"Azula!" squeals Ty Lee. "That special exhibit! That special exhibit!"

"Hush," orders Azula. "What exhibit?"

"It's called Schiaparelli and Prada and it looks _amazing_." Ty Lee bats her eyelashes at Azula. The Shinohai girl relents, since she finds that topic interesting too.

They walk through the dark room with a conversation between two fashion icons playing on repeat, weaving between glass cases that display artifacts of fashion.

In a dark corner, Azula kisses Ty Lee. She narrowly misses but manages to graze against Ty Lee's lips. And Ty Lee kisses her back fiercely.

"This is really fun," Ty Lee says, a smile spreading across her face.

"I guess it is," Azula admits.

Once they emerge from the darkness, Ty Lee stands face to face with a painting.

"I don't know who would like this painting. It's so hideous."

"It's not a painting; it's your reflection."

Ty Lee gasps. Azula rolls her eyes.

"Do you really not think I'm pretty?" Ty Lee thinks she might cry.

"It was a joke. Relax," Azula purrs. "I would show you know interest platonic or romantic if I thought you were ugly."

"Are you-are you sure I'm pretty?"

"Yes."

They move to the next exhibit before Ty Lee wraps her arms around herself.

"Are you—are you _sure_ I'm pretty."

"Ugh. You are the prettiest princess in the galaxy. Do you feel any better?"

"Yeah." Ty Lee smiles.

Azula sighs.

A few paintings away, Ty Lee finally finds one she sort of likes.

"I always wanted to do a wheelie on a horse."

"A… wheelie on a horse?" Azula cocks an eyebrow.

"Yep." Ty Lee beams with her eyes closed.

Azula does not even bother.

[X]

After a quick lunch break, the girls stride through Central Park. Ty Lee's feet hurt and she wants to curl up under a tree with the squirrels and go to sleep, but she also does not want to miss a second of her time with Azula. It could go away by morning. Their relationship always has been incredibly finnicky.

They do not even make it to the Alice in Wonderland monument when three tattooed Japanese men show up. Azula stands her ground; Ty Lee hides behind her date.

Calmly, Azula states, "I will literally rip out your spine if you try anything."

"Relax. We aren't going to kill you. Your father sent us."

"You are lucky," Azula purrs. "Because you would die trying to kill me." Then it hits her. "My—my father? But he does not—he could not know that I am here. I had an _alibi_ , damn it. Why is Mai such a useless excuse for a person?"

She fumes while Ty Lee continues to cower.

One of the yakuza demands with his burly arms crossed, "Are you ready to go home?"

Azula sighs. "I suppose I have no choice."

Ty Lee struggles to breathe.

* * *

 **Chapter Eighteen:** Wedding Part III

* * *

On their way to the Voodoo Lounge, Katara trips on her new shoes and falls, barely managing to catch herself. Mai stands idly by, examining her fingernails, and Azula smirks as Katara gazes at the ground in shock.

Azula comments loudly enough for her to hear, "Oh my God! Is the sidewalk okay?"

Once Katara stands, she glowers. Even in the darkness beneath the neon lights, Azula sees the rage in her cobalt eyes. Nothing is more satisfying than that.

Katara snaps, already more irate than she has been in ages, "I am _pregnant_."

Azula hums to herself and then snidely remarks, "It was not a fat joke. However, it would have been a good fat joke."

And Katara rolls her eyes. "I _mean_ that I am pregnant and a fall could be devastating."

"And I _mean_ that I literally could not care less." Azula picks up the pace again.

They finally arrive at the Tropicana and instantly are allowed into the Voodoo Lounge. Dim lighting and a dedicated theme to skeletons true to the title await the four women. Once they end up on the roof, Azula gets a drink and slinks off to the corner.

June remarks, "It's your bachelorette party. Aren't you supposed to be having fun?"

"I am not a huge fan of parties."

"We met at one." June smirks so arrogantly. Azula just shrugs, not dignifying that with a response. Of course, she recalls that dated darkroom.

"I think Mai might be bored," coldly states Azula before she leans over the edge of the roof and gazes out at the bright, bold, brilliant Las Vegas strip. June walks away.

After a few minutes, Katara finds Azula. It does not thrill her, to say the least.

"Mai and June get along well," Katara comments, standing just shy of the edge.

Azula casually looks up at her. "We will not. I would advise you to not even try."

Katara shakes her head. "I would rather die than get along with you. No, I just mean that maybe people are wrong to worry about _you_ with your ex."

"She wouldn't cheat on my father," passionately says Azula. "She and Ty Lee are loyal to a fault. I mean, I would not say they have never spit in my eye but they always come crawling back. They're loyal to other people too. Zuko or Ty Lee's Italian Stallion strip-club-owning ex-fiancé. That Angel girl Ty Lee adores and her tacky trailer trash family."

"You have such a lovely opinion of your fiancée."

"I can look down on where she came from but be grateful she ended up in the right place."

"So, Mai and your dad? Wouldn't you want them to break up?"

"No. I think it is disgusting that he is married to my childhood best friend, but I also know that he never had a girlfriend for more than two days and none of them made him very happy. She's the first one who ever did. My mom certainly didn't."

"Was the time Ty Lee spit in your eye the time she left you for Zuko?"

"He told you about that? I always saw him as too much of a coward."

"No. Your mother told me about it."

"I honestly thought she assumed he hung the moon." Azula reaches into her purse for a cigarette, rules be damned. No Shinohai needs to follow a single regulation.

"So, was that the time?"

"Yeah. Imagine being at the point where you get institutionalized and then you finally come home and find your girlfriend making out with your brother. It is _incredibly_ unpleasant. But, like I said, the girl couldn't survive without me."

"If one could harness your sense of entitlement, they could power the Eastern Seaboard."

With a glint in her golden eyes, Azula demands, "Should I care?"

Katara sighs and examines the pungent cigarette smoke. "For the health of my baby and my own sanity, I think I'm going to go meet up with Mai and June."

Azula waves and smirks as Katara walks away.

[X]

In the morning, Ty Lee takes Bunny into her room while Azula prepares in another.

"Little flower girl, wake up," Ty Lee chirps, but Bunny just scowls and curls up to go back to sleep. "I need you to get dressed cute! Come on."

Angel, the maid of honor, comes to Ty Lee's rescue. "I brought pixie sticks," she says, handing one to Bunny. Suddenly, the little girl is wide awake. "Saw the trick on _Toddlers and Tiaras_! It's like coffee for kids."

"Awesome," Ty Lee says, returning to her own clothes. She slides on the white slip and the lace white garter and she hungrily eyes her incredible white shoes with the roses on them.

Angel and Candy help her into the wedding gown. Ty Lee runs her hand across it and smiles wider than she ever has in her life. She slides into her shoes and picks up the bouquet made of lilac, lisianthus, sweet pea, lavender and copious cool water roses. It makes a bouquet that flawlessly fits her color scheme, and when she holds it, tears blossom in her eyes.

"Is something wrong, Ty?" Angel asks, looking worried.

"No," Ty Lee says, tenderly wiping under her eyes. "I'm just _so happy_. I dreamed about marrying her for like my whole life, and now it's happening."

Angel hugs Ty Lee and returns to decorating Bunny.

Candy, the make-up artist, holds up her huge bag of chosen beauty products.

"Take a seat, love," Candy orders and Ty Lee obeys.

Meanwhile, Mai helps Azula with her lovely gown. It makes her look like a wicked queen, even if it is a pure, innocent white. The mock crown she wears simply completes the look of royalty.

Mai groans as Azula snaps at her about not properly preparing the vanity table. "I'm the Best Man. Does the Best Man usually have these duties?"

"In lesbian weddings, presumably," purrs Azula.

"Remind me never to be in another wedding party," Mai grumbles as she starts on Azula's raven hair, weaving the gold ribbon into it.

Azula gazes into the mirror and admires her reflection.

[X]

Ty Lee barely can breathe when she gazes out at her dream wedding. The staff set the seating up like pews—for this wedding is regarded as the grandest Brimstone event in history—and beautiful white and lavender satin speckled with glistening white lights are draped over the sides of every white bench. Lavender hued cool water roses adorn the pure white arch at the end of the long aisle. The guests all look magnificent in their designer clothes and elaborate accessories, but Ty Lee knows she and Azula are the most beautiful people in this whole place.

The chandeliers above burn dimly with real candles, and the petals lining the edges of the aisle add the perfect accent. Finally, Ty Lee notices the smell of lavender, overpoweringly calming and serene. She sees behind the arch one of the signature Brimstone Resort fire fountains.

When the piano rendition of "The House of the Rising Sun" begins to play, the whole procession needs to be involved, with Bunny eagerly adding more petals to the mix. Ty Lee takes her first step in her gorgeous heels, gliding down the aisle like a princess. She allows herself to look at Azula once she enters the room. Her heart flutters at the sight of the woman in the ornate, luxurious dress and beautiful hair woven with gold strands that match the eyes Ty Lee cannot quite see yet. Once she reaches her, she sees those gilded irises and her heart pounds.

Lightly, underneath the ceremony, the piano version of the old rock song still plays.

Ty Lee does note that the priest overseeing the ceremony when neither Azula nor Ty Lee have any religion in their lives and the grandparents seated in the front row and the song Azulon chose for them and knows much of this is for Azula's inheritance. But, Ty Lee does not care, because she has dreamt of this day for a thousand years.

Neither woman pays much attention to the words in the ceremony. They just know they need to say their parts.

"I, Azula Shinohai," says one of the brides, making it sound so sleek and smooth, "take you, Ty Lee Inchiki to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

Ty Lee cannot speak for a moment. Her breath catches in her throat.

"I, Ty Lee Inchiki," she says as loudly as she can manage, "take you, Azula Shinohai, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

The priest begins, "You have declared your consent before…" and Azula and Ty Lee do not hear the rest as Azula and Ty Lee become lost in each other's eyes.

They kiss and Ty Lee thinks it is the best of her life. Azula would not rank it so high, but she calls it close to perfect.

And "The House of the Rising Sun" plays on and on.

[X]

At the reception, Katara first notices the purple cake pops surrounding the wedding cake like guards of a fortress. Then she sees the white chocolate strawberries drizzled with lavender colored frosting. The rest of the food does not matter much to her, and she casts aside her nurse's official opinion of sugary snacks because she is pregnant and that needs to be a valid excuse for _something_.

Zuko follows his wife and eyes the towering wedding cake. It has a topper that matches the bouquet to the last detail and a stack of several layered tiers. Smooth white frosting mimics satin wrapping around the cake and bright purple frosting covers the rest, with the minute detail of little flowers and swirls. More matches to the bouquet adorn breaks in the silky white portions.

Most people notice the brides, who glow like embers—or perhaps like the sky on a sunny day. The tables in the Brimstone restaurant—closed for the event—have centerpieces of candles with glass enclosures holding in branches of lavender.

Ilah sips a lavender lemonade mojito and takes her seat at the table with the brides. She notes that only she, Azulon, Ozai and Mai have their placards here. Mai snags herself a lavender martini and sits down across from her mother-in-law.

"Who's the blind girl?" Mai asks.

"The what?" Ilah demands, glancing around.

"The one with that effeminate boy. She's tiny but I honestly think she could bench press him."

Ilah finally finds the objects of Mai's attention. Two teenagers; a girl with sunglasses and a cane and a boy holding onto her arm like she is the center of gravity instead of the Earth's.

Ty Lee grabs onto Mai's shoulders. Disappointingly, it does not make her jump.

She explains, "That's my cousin Aang and his girlfriend Toph."

"Oh," Mai says, deciding she no longer cares.

Azula stops greeting her drooling guests and grabs Ty Lee by the wrist.

She commands, "It is going to be a long night. You are my designated shield from people I do not want to talk to, which is everyone in attendance."

"I'm happy to accept your job offer."

Ty Lee beams. Azula cannot hide her blush.

The reception is better than they imagined.


	19. Chapter 19

**_A/N:_** _This is the last chapter in the first book of Spring Fever. The next chapter will happen after a time skip (different lengths for the prequel and sequel; the prequel skips to the August after prom and the sequel skips to Azula and Ty Lee's first anniversary). Thank you for reading and I hope you're enjoying the show._

* * *

 **Chapter Nineteen:** Some Hillbilly Slut

* * *

The Sunday after prom, Azula is escorted through the front door of her Los Angeles mansion. Zuko sits pretending to read the newspaper, and remarks as soon as he sees her, "Oh, look what's here in the paper," he says, pointing at the pages. "Your obituary."

She shoots him a chilling look that could kill, but he merely laughs. That only serves to irritate her further.

"Don't act like a big shot just because a girl finally laid down out of pity," she snarls at her brother. He just shakes his head with a smug smile.

Azula straightens her back and makes her expression as adorable and innocent as possible when her father walks in.

Ozai growls, "You are my precious daughter, my only child, and how dare you risk your life to impress some hillbilly slut."

 _Only child_ , Zuko mouths to himself, rolling his eyes.

"I thought it would be romantic and not involve sex. You said I couldn't do that, so, really, I was following your rules, daddy."

"I'm far too angry for any of that to work on me. You are grounded, you are going to be escorted to school and home and ballet and any other lessons, and if you are even a minute overdue will prolong this sentence, and _she_ is not allowed to step even a toe through this door."

"Yes, daddy," Azula says, smiling. She leans her head to the side so that her eyes sparkle in the light. Zuko suppresses his gag reflex. "I understand that you need to ground me, and I assume she will still love me and respect the boundaries you set."

"I knew you would be reasonable," he says, and Zuko fumes. "You always were the perfect daughter. Now go to your room and do not come out until dinner."

"Yes, daddy." And she strides away, head held high.

Livid, Zuko throws the newspaper at the wall. The tiny thud does not satisfy him; it just earns him a dangerous glare from Ozai.

[X]

Azula texts Ty Lee the situation and within minutes, Ty Lee swings into Azula's bedroom from the window. "I'm technically not breaking any rules; he only said I couldn't come in through the _door_."

Azula smirks. "Sometimes you are not a complete idiot."

Ty Lee grins. She takes it as a compliment, which Azula always finds hilarious.

"What should we do?" asks Azula.

"We could…" Ty Lee blushes, and then she diverts attention from it. "We could play _Mortal Kombat_. We do that."

"Yes," Azula agrees, uncertain how she would suggest anything else. She may have stellar leadership skills, but she entered uncharted territory.

Ty Lee sits in the closet while Azula sets up the game. Then, the sound of a drill echoes through the upstairs hallway and Azula jumps up, hushing Ty Lee and quietly shutting her in the closet. She walks forward only to jump back when she watches her door collapse onto the floor.

Of course, thanks to her father and his overprotective bullshit.

"You must admit this is excessive," Azula says, crossing her arms.

"This is parenting," he states coldly, and Azula can only gaze at the huge white door lying on her floor as he walks away.

Ugh. She hates this place.

[X]

The next day at school, while prom gossip buzzes through the hallways, Azula sits in the piano closet with Mai and Ty Lee at lunch. She stares bitterly at her food and cannot bring herself to eat. Why did she act impulsively?

She glances up at Mai. "You have chips?"

"Mhm," halfheartedly replies the sullen girl.

"I'll make you my official best friend if you give them to me."

Ty Lee wails, "But, Azula, I thought I was your best friend."

"Do you have chips?" Azula snaps.

Ty Lee pouts. "No."

"Then goodbye." Azula waves pointedly.

"So, how was Zuko?" asks Ty Lee.

Both Mai and Azula glower at her, at varying intensities.

"Change topics now before I wring your neck," Azula orders.

"I had an idea for an invention last night," Ty Lee says eagerly. Mai and Azula exchange a puzzled glance. "What if there was a bra that came with pockets? They would of course be called Brockets. It would solve the problem of keeping skinny jeans cute but needing extra storage."

Azula and Mai exchange a glance.

[X]

In one of the English rooms before class starts, Mai sits reading a young adult dystopian novel. She seems so engrossed in it, but Azula does not care if she bothers her or not.

"Is that another book about a teenager saving the world?" asks Azula.

"I guess," Mai dryly replies. "I'm mostly just using it so no one will talk to me."

Azula purses her lips, thinking for a moment. She at last says, "I think it's ridiculous that teenagers are always tasked with saving the world because I have met teenagers and they always wait until the absolute last minute to do important things. Like let's say there's a prophecy about an asteroid hitting the Earth and these teenagers have a whole year to get ready and then they would stop the asteroid after it was too late and the asteroid would just blow up and rain down and destroy everything."

Dryly, Mai remarks, "Isn't that the plot to _Armageddon_?"

Azula scoffs. "No. In _Armageddon_ they stop the asteroid in time because they're responsible adults. You want another analogy? Okay, some teenagers get chosen to go on an important adventure to save the world from a horrible Alien Invasion and they have I don't know a few months but they decide to have love triangles and build sandcastles and then they don't stop the aliens until they've already destroyed like three cities. That's why I find young adult novels ridiculous. The teenagers actually stop the end of the world in a timely fashion."

Mai comments, "But you have a Type A personality and are a teenager."

Azula smirks and her eyelashes flutter. "Yeah. That's true. I would destroy the world in an incredibly timely fashion because I have it together."

"Didn't you mean _save_ the world?" Ty Lee asks, looking up from coloring her notebook rainbow with markers.

Azula smoothly says, "I know what I'm about, Ty Lee."

None of the girls disagree.

Azula adjusts the ribbon in her hair and directs her attention to the beginning lecture.

[X]

At her father's orders, Azula must tolerate an escort of buff bodyguards taking her to ballet practice after school. She stares out the limousine window, livid, playing angry music on her phone, headphones on, ignoring the bodyguards Ozai seems to find necessary. She seriously envies Zuko at the moment. Iroh would not do something like this; he is far too laid back. And mother lets him do whatever he wants.

When Azula gets there, she changes, heads to the barre between her two best friends and dazzles everyone in the room even with the simple warm up.

During their break, Azula, Ty Lee and Mai do their homework in the dressing room. Azula and Ty Lee sit so close together that it makes Mai queasy.

"I'm so sick of bio," Ty Lee wails, throwing her pencil to the floor. "Who cares how a cell divides? It just does."

"Because perhaps you would like to be a doctor one day," Azula remarks, smirking.

"Ha," Mai scoffs.

Ty Lee pouts at her.

"Do you wanna be a doctor?" Ty Lee asks Azula.

"No, of course not. I want to run the Shinohai Empire."

Who would expect anything different? God, her friends are stupid.

Mai glances up from the slides she has been designing for ten minutes. "Do you not find it at all hypocritical that we're doing our biology project on climate change? Your family is kind of responsible for a lot of it."

Ty Lee interjects brightly, "Climate change is super important. I heard the penguins are melting in Antarctica."

Azula and Mai exchange a glance.

The dance instructor calls them in before they can do any more work on their project.

[X]

Azula rests one hand on the barre. Her eyes keep catching those of her costars, the two of them remembering their amazing after prom.

"Ty Lee," she whispers while the ensemble practices, "do you want to come over after this? We have the excuse that we need to practice our pas de deux for the _Rite of Spring_. My father cannot argue with my extracurricular activities."

"Yes, yes, yes." Ty Lee beams, eyes gleaming. "You're such a genius."

Ty Lee smiles and spins. Azula smugly watches her.

 _Yes_ , she thinks to herself, _I am a genius._

[X]

Skin coated with cold sweat, Ty Lee walks beside Azula to her house, her ballet bag in hand. Azula confidently punches in the code and steps inside, Ty Lee closely following.

"Why is she walking through the door I forbade her from walking through?" Ozai growls.

"Well, firstly I thought you were working late like you always do, and secondly, because we have to practice. We're the principal dancers in a very important ballet and our instructor asked us to work together after class. I figured you would prefer it here rather than at her house or in some… park or filthy beach."

Ozai remains silent for a moment and Ty Lee feels the strong, animal instinct to hide. Azula stands her ground and he finally nods.

"Because I know your dancing career is important to you," says Ozai.

"I am going to change my clothes and Ty Lee can wait here and watch a show or have a juice box or something," Azula orders. Ty Lee wants to beg for anything else, but she is too afraid to speak as Azula dashes up the stairs.

Slowly, Ty Lee edges to the sofa and sits down.

Ozai occasionally looks up from his work and glares at her, which makes her sweat profusely. He always liked her so much and now it is all ruined.

When Azula finally walks downstairs, she has done her hair and changed into her most attractive dance clothes. Ty Lee does not have to hide her gaze.

"You look so hot," she whispers and Azula smirks.

Ozai regally demands from the other side of the room, "What?"

Ty Lee flinches and blushes. "The weather," she stammers to Azula's father. "The weather is hot, Mr. Shinohai, sir."

"That is what I thought," growls Ozai. "Practice in the yard. Last time you broke one of my priceless guitars."

Azula nods, seizes Ty Lee by the arm, and walks to the garden.

[X]

While Azula runs through her parts beautifully, like an alien too graceful for this planet, Ty Lee pokes her foot at various decorative stones. Azula begins to stretching, which Ty Lee watches for a flicker of a second before she sees a rogue dandelion the gardener missed.

Ty Lee picks up the wishing weed and begins to say softly, "I wish Azula will love me fore—" but she does not finish because she starts screaming. "Bee! Bee! Bee! There's a bee on this dandelion!"

She throws it to the ground and runs into Azula's arms.

* * *

 **Chapter Nineteen:** Some Hillbilly Bride

* * *

Ty Lee intently gazes into the mirror in the airport bathroom. She wears her absolute cutest sundress from her new post-wedding wardrobe but she still cannot help but criticize herself.

"I look horrible in this outfit. My chocolate mono diet _so_ didn't work. I definitely had a thigh gap in high school."

Azula smoothly replies, "Who cares if you don't have a thigh gap and your thighs touch; I'm going to separate them for you anyway."

Ty Lee bursts out laughing. Once she calms down, she drinks in Azula's beautiful smirk and then asks honestly, "Do you think I could be a model?"

"Do you want to be one?"

"Of course. I mean, unless you still want me to be your secretary."

"No, you were a horrible secretary. Therefore, I see no reason why you can't be a model." Azula makes mental note of the request, because she is going to be the world's best wife, like she is the world's best everything. "You _are_ a Shinohai now and we can be whatever we please."

Ty Lee beams.

[X]

They set foot on Isle Vallencourt, named for Mai's inexplicable favorite movie. Together, they walk over the sand and up the smooth stone walkway leading to the freshly built mansion.

Azula demands, "You are going to carry me, correct?"

"I can," Ty Lee chirps, lifting her up easily by the waist and carrying her as someone of her stature absolutely ought to be. Ty Lee fumbles for the lights while she keeps Azula in her strong arms and sets her down on the crisp white sofa.

"It is not that bad. I feared construction would not be complete and we would end up camping—I shudder at the thought—but my father rushed things. Hopefully by burying slaves underneath the floorboards."

Ty Lee nervously glances down at her feet. Then she looks up and around.

"I've never been able to understand why your dad has the Roman Emperor style thing. Like, your penthouse is kinda Pan-Asian Mod, and your grandfather matches his décor to the location of whichever house it is and your mom has your uncle's eight thousand decorations but your dad is…"

"Fancies himself a Roman Emperor? He finds the Caesars impressive and Mai could not possibly care less about interior decorating."

Ty Lee shrugs. "I just think that it's a weird taste."

"So, dinner and then midnight swim and then wedding night?"

"Okay," Ty Lee says brightly, and they both set out to find the kitchen.

Once they get there, they both have realized the terrifying reality.

Azula sighs, running her nails across the smooth marble countertop, "We have no chef. We will starve to death."

Ty Lee rummages through the fridge and suggests as brightly as possible, "I can make grilled cheese. Like, uh, whatever this fancy one is. Does this kind melt?"

Azula coldly says without looking up, "All cheese melts."

"Then we're in the clear." Ty Lee beams.

Azula smirks back.

Her wife might not be brilliantly intelligent, but she does love her.

[X]

The sun, hot on the bare skin of Azula's back, wakes her in the late morning. She never sleeps this long, but weddings and traveling are both ordeals to be reckoned with. When she opens her eyes, it takes her a moment of disorientation to get her bearings. At the moment, she lies in the crisp white bed on an island with her new wife.

They spend the morning half-dressed and overheated. Azula makes huckleberry coffee while Ty Lee watches some trashy reality show on _Hulu_.

"You know," pipes up Ty Lee while Azula presses the brew button. "I had so many bridesmaids at our amazing wedding and stuff, but my own sisters have gotten married and not made me a bridesmaid. Why am I never a bridesmaid?"

"Always a bride never a bridesmaid?" Azula mocks, a smirk creeping onto her lips.

"Yes!" Ty Lee exclaims, not noticing the sarcasm. "Why am I never a bridesmaid?"

"It's because you are too pretty," purrs Azula.

More comfortable silence while they sip the sweet, fruity coffee with whipped cream on top and watch movies together. Ty Lee sighs as she scrolls through her phone at various shoes she plans to buy. She says, "I love that you took me to a secluded island but I was really hoping we could go shopping for honeymoon souvenirs we could treasure forever."

Azula contentedly purrs, "Well, worry not because there's a big sale in the bedroom tonight. Clothes will be 100% off."

Ty Lee laughs and Azula notices the whipped cream on her face.

"You have something there," Azula says, and before Ty Lee can reach up and touch her lips, Azula kisses it off.

Ty Lee blushes.

[X]

The next day, they sit outside on the beach, basking in the sun.

"What's something I don't know about you? Something nobody knows?" Ty Lee inquires as she adjusts her sunglasses.

Azula hesitates and finally decides to be honest. "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila on DVD is the best thing I have ever purchased with my vast fortune."

Ty Lee excitedly replies, "Have you ever seen Vanilla Ice Goes Amish?"

They exchange a smile.

[X]

The next day, after plenty of sex and reality television and dessert coffees in the morning, Azula meticulously organizes a dangerous trek into the jungle. A jungle she decides would be _perfect_ to hunt humans in, therefore, perhaps Mai had a point.

"Are you sure you should wear those shoes hiking in a jungle?"

"I wear three inches or I wear nothing."

"I am not lending you mine. Jungles are painful and dangerous barefoot."

"I'm nimble. I'm like Catwoman. I can do anything in heels."

Only ten minutes into their daring and colorful hike, Ty Lee starts bawling about her blisters and the difficult hills, and Azula carries her bridal style back to the manor.

"Azula," Ty Lee says, still sobbing. "This is a horrible vacation. I wish we had just gone to the Bahamas and stayed in a real resort. Being on an island is the worst. Take me home! Why aren't you listening to me? Please take me home!"

Azula purrs, "I'm sorry I don't understand; I don't speak little bitch."

Ty Lee wails. Azula smirks at her and sips her sweet coffee.

Then Ty Lee sniffles and wipes her eyes. "Even though you're insensitive, I still really love you."

Azula sighs and admits, "I really love you too."

It is an almost perfect honeymoon.


	20. Chapter 20

**_A/N:_** _This starts the second part of the story (it's broken into four). There's a time skip in both the prequel and sequel halves and it skips over the side stories I wrote over the past year-ish. You don't need to read them to understand since I fill in the important details within this chapter so everything should make sense. Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the show._

* * *

 **INTERLUDE:** Kya

* * *

Standing outside of a hospital in cold, rainy Portland, Oregon, Azula sullenly states to her equally unenthused father, "First of all, I do not understand why we all have to be here for the birth of ZuZu's child. It's a—"

"A cute baby," Ty Lee frantically interrupts.

Azula rolls her eyes. "Well, I was going to say _bastard_ but whatever. I suppose pretending to love my brother could possibly give me some grandparent points."

Grandparent Points™ are the fictional currency Azula created to accurately describe her efforts since childhood to become sole benefactor of the massive Shinohai fortune.

"I wanna meet the baby!" Bunny announces, jumping up and down. She makes a small shrieking sound of unadulterated excitement.

Ty Lee smiles at her daughter and pats her on the head. "You will."

"You know… you never told me when Bunny was born. I was your best friend for years. More than a friend for some of them. But not a single birth announcement or text or anything."

"It didn't seem important," says Ty Lee, watching Bunny take Azula's hand and squeeze it. Azula glances down at Bunny and smiles to herself, as if she does not know anyone is looking.

Suddenly, Azula snaps back to attention and demands of Ty Lee, "Don't lie to me."

Ty Lee mumbles, "I didn't want you guys to know. I was kinda ashamed."

Lacking a decent response, Azula opens the door to the hospital room with the hand to which Bunny is not clinging.

The room is as decked out and lovely as any other rich person room, which the Shinohais tend to fail to appreciate. Katara sits on the bed, Zuko standing beside her and quietly talking.

An old woman garbed in blue must be Katara's Gran Gran, the woman who raised her. The young man in a navy muscle tee beside her must be a brother or cousin or something similar. Azula cannot remember if Katara ever mentioned having siblings.

The moment his sister walks through the door, "Azula, you're here. I wondered why all the birds stopped singing," remarks Zuko.

Ty Lee glances around and then asks, "Where's the baby?"

Katara somberly explains with tears in her tired eyes, "In ICU. She had the cord around her neck five times, meconium aspiration and a fever. She probably has a strep infection since I'm a carrier." She chokes on a few of the words, close to tears.

"I don't know what most of those words mean," says Ty Lee, the hurt expression of a wounded baby rabbit written across her beautiful face. "But I'm sorry."

"Yeah." Katara looks away.

"Don't say _anything_ , Satan," snaps Zuko once Azula opens her mouth.

She clears her throat. "I prefer to be called Ruler of All Things Evil, but I will answer to Satan. And I was going to express my condolences. I am not _always_ cruel."

"I'm…" Zuko opts out of his apology, but he does explain, "I'm kind of irritable. My baby is in danger and I don't need the worst members of my family here."

"Ty Lee is okay," says Katara.

"Yeah. Ty Lee, you're okay," says Zuko.

Ty Lee beams, flattered. Azula glowers at her wife of a few months.

"What's the baby's name?" sweetly asks Ty Lee.

"Kya," Katara softly replies.

"Awww. I wish I had a baby. A new baby. Oh, Azula let's have a baby." Ty Lee smiles at her wife.

Azula just stares for a moment.

Mai rescues her best friend by loudly telling her husband, "I am _never_ having kids. Just to let you know. Never."

Ozai casually replies, "That's fine."

Mai jokes, "You already have one more than you need."

Azula stage whispers to her brother, "She's talking about you."

And Zuko exclaims, earning the irritated glance of a nurse garbed in salmon scrubs, "I _know_ she's talking about me!" He turns to Mai. "I'm sorry I broke up with you in a text like a thousand years ago! You can stop making my life Hell!"

"But making your life Hell is so fun," says Mai, giving a sardonic shake of her head.

Ozai squeezes her arm encouragingly. Zuko snorts.

Zuko snaps, "See, Katara, we definitely shouldn't move to LA. _They_ live there."

"What's this about the City of Angels?" Azula asks with a cocked eyebrow.

"We thought about moving home—uh, my home—and stuff recently with the baby, and mom and Uncle moved back so we'd have them. But Katara likes her job."

"They have hospitals in LA," Mai dryly states.

"It's hard to break into," says Katara. "You have to know someone in big cities like that."

Sokka pipes up, "I know people in the medical field in LA."

Katara laughs as she demands, " _Who_?"

Sokka says, "My friend Jason sells breast implants."

Katara rolls her eyes and laughs. "That _doesn't_ count as the medical field."

Mai offers, "Well, I live in LA, and I once watched twenty-one consecutive hours of _Grey's Anatomy_."

"That also doesn't count as the medical field," says Katara, gazing at the window with the sudden longing in her gut to just fling herself out of it.

Mai offers, "I also went to four years of pre-med."

Katara hesitates before replying, "Still doesn't count, although, wow. I didn't know that about you. Why did you stop?"

Mai states coolly, "Because I was married to a rich guy and didn't feel like putting in the effort of the extra decade it would take of hard work and no sleep."

"I'm less impressed now." Pause. Katara briefly looks puzzled. "You hate people. Why would you go into a job based on the desire to save people's lives?"

"I am aroused by scalpels," sarcastically says Mai, entirely unwilling to tell anyone but Ozai, Azula and Ty Lee that she decided to commit to the cutthroat medical field because of the horror film _American Mary_.

"Are you?" mocks Katara.

"Mhm." Mai cocks an eyebrow, sarcastically seductive.

Azula snaps harshly, "Ugh. Just kiss already."

Zuko returns to the relevant conversation with, "Anyway, it's expensive to live in LA. No point being rich if you waste all the money on basic living expenses and fourteen-dollar boxes of beer."

"And I agree," says Katara, weakly nodding.

Azula mocks, "We could start a charity fund for you."

"I'll give you eighty-thousand if you let me hunt Zuko on my island," says Mai, patting Katara on the hand, carefully avoiding the IV sticking out of it.

Katara just rolls her eyes.

Zuko partially turns to Ozai, and says quite smugly and contentedly, "Well, I guess now that I'm a father, I know how you feel."

"Constantly disappointed?" Ozai remarks, smirking at his own joke.

The argument, of course, begins. Azula watches, shamelessly entertained.

Zuko screams, earning extreme ire of the hospital staff, "I can't have one thing? I can't have one day? I can't have five minutes of your respect?"

As the argument rages and Katara bursts into tears, Azula and Ty Lee exchange a glance.

Welcome to the Shinohai Family.

A baby's life at risk, and no one can think about anything but grudges, pride, inheritance and petty jealousy.

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY:** Summer Bummer

* * *

After ballet class, Azula, Mai and Ty Lee sit in the relentless summer heat, sipping Starbucks. This is the only time they see each other thanks to the stunt pulled after prom. Azula has been locked up tighter than a serial killer in Riker's Island.

Azula takes another sip of her Venti black iced coffee and continues, "Okay, if you had to choose between stabbing yourself in the face or cutting off your hand—"

"Okay, this is an enjoyable conversation obviously," says Mai, mostly sarcastically. "but is your dad going to unground you anytime soon because I'm completely in support of you and Ty Lee hooking up again because this is really awkward. Really awkward. I hate awkward."

"It's not like it's awkward that you're dating my brother."

Mai says coldly, "I like Zuko, and this isn't about Zuko; this is about you and Ty Lee."

"Okay, but me and Ty Lee are like fire and matches, salt and pepper, fish and chips, hipsters and condescension. _You_ and _my brother_ are like snowpants and elephants." Azula laughs. Ty Lee forces a giggle even though she does not get the joke. Mai remains silent.

"The fuck does that mean?" dryly demands Mai.

"It means you don't mix." Azula rises when she sees her car arrive. "Good luck to the two of you. I am on lockdown in Riker's Island and I don't expect a prison break anytime soon."

Ty Lee hastily kisses Azula on the lips, fast, like a habit, like they will do it again and again for the rest of their lives. It warms Azula's cheeks, but she still tears away without saying a word and enters the limousine.

Mai turns to Ty Lee as Azula is whisked away.

"I love her," Ty Lee whispers.

Mai can only say, "I know."

[X]

In the sweltering evening, Azula sits on her bedroom windowsill, a cigarette perched precariously on her coral lips. Three rose candles burn on her dresser to mask the smell. Then again, she supposes her father could not go further with this _lockdown_.

She no longer has a _door_ , for example.

Her phone rings and she picks it up. When she sees Mai's name, her heart sinks, but she answers it anyway.

Azula loathes it when people skip pleasantries and get right to the point, but Mai startles her when she immediately asks, _"What would you say if I told you that you were going on a date to the movies this weekend with Ty Lee?"_

Azula faintly pouts. "I'd say you have the wrong number."

" _I'd say I have a plan,"_ says Mai. _"However, it involves visiting your mother."_

"That does not sound like the type of plan I would endorse."

 _"We go up there and you two can do whatever you want. Road trip?"_

"My father will _never_ let me go on a _road trip_ with you two when he won't even let me have a _sleepover_." Azula cannot believe this waste of her time. Her copious, overflowing time.

Mai prods, still in a confusing monotone, _"Oh, come on. You're more manipulative than that. You can do it."_

"I suppose if we neglected to mention Ty Lee, and I said I was going with you alone… He inexplicably trusts you, and you're doing something like dating with ZuZu."

Mai does not seem to notice the irony in her dry tone as she remarks, _"Yeah. See. That's the spirit. I charm your father like a pro and then we skip town tonight."_

"You are uncomfortably invested in this. I think I prefer the version of you that doesn't care about anything at all." Azula examines her fingernails. She neglected them of late. They almost look tacky, God forbid.

 _"I also prefer that version of me. I'm desperate. I'm driven to desperation by hatred, if it makes you feel any better. I hate being around you two. I also hate the incessant texts from Ty Lee while I'm trying to do nothing in my cold, dark room._ _Give me a chance. It's not like I care if I fail, anyway. Do you care?"_

Azula sighs. "Honestly, no. I doubt my situation could get worse."

 _"Good. Ask your dad if I can have a… playdate with you."_

Azula scoffs at the term playdate, but hangs up and strides downstairs to find her father working at the spotless marble kitchen island.

"Mai wants to come over."

Ozai growls without looking up, "Why?"

"She said she misses me. She is not Ty Lee. She is a respectable friend who has never done anything wrong in her life."

"You have an hour," he says, not unlike a prison guard.

Azula texts her best friend.

[X]

Mai greets Ozai Shinohai seamlessly. She knows how to be polite; she chooses to instead be sarcastic and frigid. In this instance, she goes the distance and Azula better appreciate it.

They remain in the kitchen, under observation, and Mai thinks as best she can while Azula discusses something lofty and self-indulgent.

Mai examines the coffee in her hand and makes her choice.

She throws it on Azula's shirt. Azula screams and her fingers seize up like she intends to tear Mai's eyes out with her acrylics (which would be wise, since that is _exactly_ what runs across Azula's mind). But then the Shinohai sees what this means.

"Azula needs to clean herself up. I can wait down here, since I know you don't trust us very much right now," states Mai.

Ozai shrugs. "Go ahead, little princess."

Azula shoots Mai a disapproving glare as she walks away, the sound of her heels clicking on the stone floor gradually fading as she heads upstairs.

She changes her clothes, taking her time to gave Mai the best chance she has to convince Ozai. Azula contemplates if it feels wrong to lie to her father and meet up with Ty Lee, but, no, she kind of does not care _who_ she lies to. Never has, never will.

Once Azula walks downstairs, her father looks up at her.

"You can pack your things and go visit your mother with Mai. But if I get a single word you went anywhere other than Ursa's, I will make you wish you were never born."

Azula nods. "Thank you, father. I deeply appreciate your trust in me."

"Good," coolly states Ozai.

Mai gives Azula a slightly smug but mostly expressionless glance.

[X]

Twenty minutes later, "What did you tell him?" Azula demands as she forces Mai to lug her small suitcase down the endless Shinohai Palace stairs.

"That I was going to break Zuko's heart and you wanted to watch." Mai almost smiles.

Azula freezes in place on the third to last step. "Jesus, my family is fucked up."

Mai nods, eyebrows slightly raised. "I know, right?"

Without another word, they head out to go meet Ty Lee at the 7/11.

[X]

The moment Azula, Ty Lee and Mai arrive at Ursa and Iroh's mansion on the Street of Dreams, Azula's mother insists on being happy to see her. She suffers through it. She strides into the first living room and sees her brother on the sofa.

"Azula," says Zuko, smirking so smugly, "I wasn't expecting you. Have you come to collect your Dalmatian fur coat?"

Her expression sours and she bitterly retorts, "Ha-ha."

"So, what exactly are you planning?" Zuko asks, shamelessly scratching his shoulder.

"Nothing," says Azula huffily, and Zuko scoffs in disbelief. "I don't plan, brother. I _scheme_."

"Yeah, well, I want no part of it." He suddenly looks disappointed. "And I can't have any part of it. I'm grounded."

Azula walks forward a few steps. "Ooo, for what? Punch another guy's lights out?"

"Teeth out, that time, remember? Or, uh, broken everything like that guy of yours at the dance. Anyway, I got caught selling Ritalin… and Xanax… and a little Oxy."

Azula inquires in genuine interest, "Did you go to jail?"

Zuko rubs his face. "Mother got me out of it."

"Regardless of law enforcement's success, your rap sheet is becoming impressive, brother."

"Aww, thanks," Zuko sarcastically croons. Azula frowns at him. "I knew you loved me."

Azula fiercely snaps, "Don't get so cocky, Pillbo Baggins."

Zuko just laughs. He then sees Mai walk in and rises to kiss her. Azula pointedly gags in the direction of her girlfriend and Ty Lee shakes with silent giggles.

"Can we just get on with this date. I'm literally dying standing in this awful house. The countless buddha statues and impulse buys are starting to suffocate me."

Zuko snaps, "You're not _literally_ dying."

Azula sneers at him. "Okay, I _am_ literally dying. We are all slowly dying."

"That's a pleasant thought," grumbles Zuko.

Before Azula can further press her need to escape, her mother strides into the room.

"So, you're here to sneak around with your girlfriend."

"Yes. I do it because you never loved me." Azula sniffles. Mai chokes on a cold laugh. Ursa remains miraculously calm.

"You do it because your father is angry, and I will let you see her. She seems like a nice girl. What made you fall for each other?"

"I did not sign up for an interrogation," Azula hisses, clenching her fists.

Ursa says calmly, gently crossing her arms, "You showed up at my house partially unannounced in defiance of your father. I can ask a couple of innocent, motherly questions."

Ty Lee chirps, "I love her because she's perfect. She's pretty and smart and has been my best friend forever and ever."

"Thanks," mutters Mai.

Azula sighs. "Well, mother, Ty Lee and I have always had this sort of amicable chemistry where we know each other well enough to finish each other's—"

"Sentences!" eagerly exclaims Ty Lee.

Azula shoots her a glare. "Do _not_ interrupt me."

Ursa finds herself speechless. And then she has an idea perhaps as wicked as one her ex-husband would concoct.

"Perhaps you and Ty Lee and Mai and Zuko would like to go out with me and Iroh. I can meet the girlfriends of my children."

Azula looks like someone just shot her in the chest.

Zuko cannot stop grinning until Mai punches his shoulder.

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY:** The Crystal Anniversary

* * *

Azula stands in a meeting a few months after Christmas with her family. It is the two-year anniversary of her marriage to Ty Lee, but the company comes first in her eyes. Their time together has been pleasant, albeit with its ups and downs, mostly during the holidays. However, now, on a sweltering and humid summer day in New York City, Azula answers a phone call from her wife of three years during an uncomfortable break during which she treats the gaggle of investors to champagne and fine chocolate.

 _"_ _How's your meeting, princess?"_ Ty Lee asks on the other line.

"Awful. I feel like stabbing everyone here to death."

 _"_ _Please don't get blood on your dress. We have anniversary dinner reservations tonight."_

"I love you for enabling me."

 _"_ _I love you too."_

Once Azula hangs up, she smiles faintly to herself.

She chose the perfect wife.

Although, a perfect woman such as herself deserves that.

[X]

Azula and Ty Lee sit across from each other in the dim, romantic lighting of Tao.

"Remember when your dad and Mai, like, surprised us here?"

"It was unpleasant," Azula replies, taking a sip of champagne.

Ty Lee continues scrolling through her iPhone. Azula answers an e-mail.

Neither minds much. Perhaps their anniversary should be more… gushy, but that would never happen with the two of them.

"Aww, look at Valerie on Instagram." Ty Lee holds up her phone. Azula blinks twice before her eyes adjust to the sudden blinding light. "She's so cute. Were you this cute when you were a baby?"

"Cuter," Azula coldly says, examining her baby half-sister - the daughter of Mai and Ozai - napping in a dinosaur costume.

"Kya is cute too." Ty Lee displays another picture from her feed, this one of a toddler with fawn skin and big blue eyes just like her mother.

"I'll pass," Azula coldly says, refusing to rescind her loathing towards Katara over a single cute photograph on Instagram. "I honestly do not know why these people—these people I once _knew_ —post so many pictures of their children online. Do I do that with Bunny?"

"Yes." Ty Lee grins. She loves Azula's mommy side to pieces, even if Azula hates it.

"You were supposed to say no!" Azula leans back in her chair. "And I only post pictures of Bunny because she is an exemplary child, better than all the rest. Valerie and Kya are useless."

"You're weirdly jealous of Valerie."

"She might steal my inheritance. Or my father's love. I am the favorite. I insist on being the favorite. I will not lose that merely because a baby is cuter than I am."

Ty Lee warmly smiles and touches Azula's hand. It sends an electric jolt through that Azula ignores, as always. "You're my favorite."

Azula scoffs and slips her soft fingers away. "You're broke, so I don't honestly care."

"Not so broke that I didn't get you an anniversary gift."

"With my money. You bought me the gift with my money."

"So. My thoughtfulness and big heart." Ty Lee beams and reaches into her oversized purse. She sets down a cute, well-wrapped box on the table where no appetizer sauce lurks. "It's the crystal anniversary so I got you earrings… and a mood ring."

Ty Lee opens the box and holds up priceless and rather classy diamond earrings studded with rubies and set in gold. She also holds up a tacky mood ring stained a mix between dark purple and light green.

Azula accepts them both.

"I'll make you wait a bit for mine." Azula smirks.

"Okay, princess," Ty Lee says, taking it surprisingly well. She always struggled with patience. "What's your highlight of this year of marriage?"

"ZuZu eloping with his whore girlfriend on Thanksgiving. It really made us look good." Azula takes a smug sip of champagne.

"Mine is when we had sex in that library!" Ty Lee states so loudly that Azula feels quite grateful she reserved the private upper floor.

"How about Halloween when I fake cheated on you with drunk Hercules?"

Ty Lee blinks, perplexed. "How is that a highlight?"

"It proved how dearly you love me."

Ty Lee gently sets her hand over her heart and blushes. "And you dearly love me too."

"Something like that." Azula does not want to admit it, even after these years of marriage.

"Oh! You said you had something to tell me about your grandfather?"

Azula, for the life of her, has no idea what Ty Lee is talking about.

"I doubt it was important," she says, pretending not to care.

Their food arrives, and they talk about less disastrous events.

[X]

As Ty Lee cracks open a fortune cookie, Azula decides to at last give her the lovely gift.

"And, for the crystal anniversary, I gave you something beautiful and unexpected. Since I do not share your taste in jewelry, I thought it best to buy you something…" She struggles with the next word. "Sentimental."

She opens her slouch bag and sets a box on the table. She shoves it over to Ty Lee, nearly toppling a serving bowl of hot and sour soup.

Giddily, eyes alit like a cartoon character, Ty Lee opens it and withdraws a set of priceless antique crystal goblets.

"To feel like a true princess's bride. Or my Queen of Darkness, or whatever you please." Azula smirks, truly smug. She _won_ this anniversary. Glorious regal goblets easily trump a _mood ring_.

Ty Lee giggles. Azula glares. "This looks like it belongs to a grandma."

"It is timeless, stylish and classy," Azula says through clenched teeth.

"I know style and classiness and stuff."

"You wanted a pink Christmas tree," spits Azula, nose wrinkled.

Ty Lee shrugs and smiles. "Yeah, 'cause pink Christmas trees _are_ classy. It's the kind of thing Snooki would have."

"Yes," sarcastically says Azula, "Snooki, the epitome of class."

"Mhm," replies Ty Lee in true earnest. "So, speaking of class, I think we're classy, and I think that means we help people."

"I have never helped someone in my entire life, and that is why I am obscenely rich."

"Yeah." Ty Lee does not bring up that Azula is an heiress. "My cousin's girlfriend is pregnant."

"I would ask which cousin but I don't even know any of your cousins in the first place. Do you want me to buy them a nice trailer in the park with the most flamingos? I could manage that."

"My cousin _Aang_ got his girlfriend pregnant, and they do not live in a trailer park."

"Isn't he like twelve?"

"Sixteen. Which is why the two of them can basically take care of themselves."

"Why— _why_ is that fact important?"

"Because his family kicked him out and she ran away with him and so they're in our apartment right now watching Bunny."

Azula insists with a slight snarl of her rouge lips, "Where they are babysitting for a few hours as practice for parenthood."

"Where I told them that they could stay for as long as they need." Ty Lee smiles and bats her eyelashes. Azula remains bitter despite the attempt.

"Why?"

Ty Lee pleads, clasping her hands together melodramatically, "I think they can learn from us, and they need a safe place to stay."

Azula cocks an eyebrow and sourly remarks, "Learn that it's not so bad to be a teen mom if you're able to trick someone rich enough into loving you?"

Ty Lee giggles. "Something like that." Then her smile fades and she eyes Azula with a serious expression. "They need our help."

"Why am I having such a hard time summoning sympathy?"

"Probably because you're a psychopath," chirps Ty Lee, batting her eyelashes.

"Probably," Azula sourly replies. "Perhaps we should end this dinner early and go check on our uninvited houseguests."

"Technically they are invited. I invited them."

Azula grabs her coat. "Do not make this worse for yourself, Ty Lee."

And she looks scary, so Ty Lee leaps to her feet and does not say another word.

[X]

Azula steps into her penthouse and hears the television blaring. She imagines it must be something trashy. She strides inside with an aura of terror enough to strike the strongest man dead. An Ice Queen walking on hellfire.

She freezes in front of Aang the boy with face tattoos and his pint-sized girlfriend with a pregnant belly who wears sunglasses inside.

"They certainly belong to the Beverly Hillbilly family. The resemblance is remarkable," Azula sourly says, glowering at her terrified wife. "Where is Bunny?"

"Hi," says Aang, jumping up as gracefully as a ballerina with wings. He shakes Azula's hand. Not a _strong_ handshake, but a confident one at least. "It's really nice to meet you. Bunny is in her room playing a video game. The video game is kinda violent and I don't know if that's okay but she seems to only have pretty violent ones so, I, uh, I couldn't convince her to do anything more pacifist. We played with her for a while and then she wanted some alone time so we just set her up with the, uh, the baby monitor Ty Lee told us about. Thanks so much for helping us. We really needed a place to stay."

Azula's lip contorts into a slight snarl. "It remains to be seen if you will be staying here or not. I was uninformed of your… visit."

"What's the resemblance?" Ty Lee inquires, scratching her head.

"Aang's big eyes and cheery demeanor. He has the classless face tattoos that are the equivalent of a permanent pink Christmas tree. His girlfriend wears sunglasses inside."

"She's blind," says Aang, sounding unoffended. Azula cannot imagine why his feelings are unhurt by her callousness.

"She's what?" asks Azula, cocking an eyebrow.

Toph snarls from the sofa, "She's not deaf, so stop talking about her like she's not in the room."

"Sorry," Aang states, bowing his head in respect. Azula narrows her eyes.

"Also, he looks just like my wife when I snap at her. It's kind of cute." Azula looks between them. She lacks a heart and most of a soul, but she does not think she can kick a blind girl and an innocent Bambi-eyed boy out on the streets without a good enough lie. "I would have to clear this with my grandfather. However, he is away for the next few months and has been and has requested no phone calls."

Azula briefly prays her wife will not open her dumb mouth. But of course, she does.

"Didn't you talk to your grandfather this morning before you went to work?" sweetly asks Ty Lee as she slips out of her pink pumps.

Azula frowns at the thought, struggling to avoid laughter. She forgets about the trashy problem sitting in her well-groomed living room and remembers what she forgot to tell Ty Lee at dinner. "He spent the entire phone call talking about how important the legalization of weed was in Oregon. His doctor suggested it. He told me it solved all of his problems and that it would solve mine."

Ty Lee giggles. Azula's expression remains blank.

She ekes out through her adorable laughter, "It's funny. He's such a… such a stuck-up man. I never imagined he'd be a stoner."

Azula groans and looks away from the trashy teenagers on her lovely sofa. "He's like Cheech's grandfather. It is humiliating, Grandparent Points aside."

"What are Grandparent Points?" asks Toph, smirking and half-laughing.

Azula casually explains, "It is how I quantify my status in their eyes. I intend to be sole benefactor in their wills by the end and that requires a certain level of effort when everyone else wants part of their estate."

Toph smiles. "You're evil. I like it."

Azula's lips twitch. Thankfully, the blind girl cannot see it. "I know."

Toph suggests, eager for the first time since Azula met her, "You could probably exploit it."

"How so?" asks the Shinohai Princess, hoping to high Heaven she will not get roped into letting these miscreant teenagers live in her perfect penthouse.

Toph explains loosely, not looking in Azula's direction but still as commanding as any Shinohai ever was. But in a dirty way. A gangbanger way, instead of a classy Godfather fashion. "You know, like, 'You said you were going to give me twenty-thousand dollars; you just forgot because you were high,' and that kind of thing."

Silence.

"How could someone so cutthroat get herself knocked up at sixteen? Or let… _that boy_ get into her pants in the first place?" Azula demands, concealing how aghast she feels.

Toph shrugs. "I'm giving up the baby. I'm not ready to be a mom, not only because I'm an irresponsible kid who would rather weekend mud wrestle than wrestle a toddler into a bath, but since I never want kids. They are gross and loud and sticky."

Azula nods. "Excellent points."

"But we still…" Aang rubs his tattooed neck.

"Can you mud wrestle blind?" Ty Lee asks, tilting her head to the side like a puzzled puppy.

Toph kicks her feet up on the table. Azula's distaste for her returns when she sees her ungroomed toenails sitting on her priceless mahogany table. She might as well bring muddy shoes in. "You'd be surprised what I can do blind. And I bet it'd earn you some grandparent points to look charitable and stuff. Stoners and rich pricks eat that stuff up."

"They do." Azula crosses her arms. "You may stay until you find jobs and an apartment."

"That's all we need," says Aang, clasping his hands together in a plea.

Azula pointedly rolls her eyes. "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the leader in your relationship."

Toph cackles. Azula smirks. Ty Lee and Aang exchange a glance.

"Right. So, Ty Lee, we can… we can stick with you. Thanks for staying by our side," Aang says, looking at his kindest cousin. "I'm really sorry to do this. We'll just stay on our side and you guys can have your side and we'll stay on the side and—"

Toph grunts viciously, "Twinkletoes, stop saying _side_ before I go into premature labor from fucking frustration."

Ty Lee beams. "Yeah! I get why. It's because there are no sides in family. We're a circle!"

She drags both Azula and Aang into a tight, uncomfortable group hug.

"Circle!" she chirps as Azula struggles to break free.

It could not be more evident that Toph meant no such thing, but Azula allows Ty Lee to be happy. It _is_ their anniversary, after all.

Just as Ty Lee begins to explain the guest room, the doorbell rings. Ty Lee rushes to answer, leaving Azula in cold silence with her new underaged roomies.

When Ty Lee answers the door, she makes a strangled choking sound.

"Who is it?" demands Azula, turning to her wife.

Ty Lee pauses for a moment before replying, "Bunny's dad."

Azula's eyes flash.


End file.
